What do you think about sharing what goes on in your individual counseling sessions with your spouse? <P>My WH is very interested in them, wants to hear all about it in great detail, what I said, what the counselor said. Then most of the time I can't provide a good enough play-by-play so he accuses me of holding back and not being honest with him, and that I'm misrepresenting the situation and making him out to be the villan in this mess (on his scorecard, all blame is assigned 100% to me and 0% to him).

Is your H going to the same counselor for himself? If so, my H and I have agreed with the counselor, that if things come up in our individual counseling that the C feels are relevant to be shared, he will share them. Otherwise, the counseling's for you and unless you H wants to go with, I think that it's between you and the C. Just my opinion.<P>MOM

SR-<P>I think I can give you an answer that most would agree with.<P>Chances are that your WH wants to keep tabs on you and this is his attempt at controlling the situation. I'm only guessing at this because of his reaction.<P>I'm in a similiar situation, only I'm male with a WW. I saw a similiar pattern in the beginning myself. It kind of went away when I kept suggesting that if she was so interested then maybe she should attend the counseling sessions as well. The WS usually doesn't want any part of counseling. The standard answer is that he or she doesn't need it. What they are really afraid of is that they might get talked or reasoned out of the relationship by the counselor.<P>Keep going by yourself and let your WH know he is always welcome to be included. Let him know you are going for yourself, to be a better person.

When I read your post I have to admit that I laughed out loud becuase your husband sounds just like my wife! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I am sorry for laughing, I know that you are being very serious and this is a concern. Please forgive me!<P>When we went to counseling 4 years ago, sometimes I would go alone and got exactly the same thing from my wife. She wanted to know in detail EVERYTHING we talked about. When I started going again 5 months ago I was afraid to tell her that I was going to counseling because I didn't want to be questioned about what we discussed. I finally got enough courage to tell her that I was going to counseling and asked her to join me. She refussed. My wife now says "if you want to share with me what you and your counselor have talked about feel free to do so." A few times I have been honest with her and told her what we talked about and then she became very defensive. I don't tell her much anymore. I tell her that I am going so that I can learn to be a better husband.<P>My personal belief is anything that you discuss with a counselor or religious leader is between you and that person.<P>I was the WS in an EA.<p>[ October 22, 2001: Message edited by: Want Love ]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Myownme:<BR><STRONG>Is your H going to the same counselor for himself? </STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>No, H isn't going to the same counselor, or any counselor at all. He did go to one session with me, and that was just so he could tell the counselor what is wrong with me. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <P>Part of my problem is that initially I thought sharing would be a good thing (never having been in therapy before) but now have my doubts.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Always Hopeful:<BR><STRONG>Chances are that your WH wants to keep tabs on you and this is his attempt at controlling the situation.</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE> <P>That is worth considering, I hadn't thought of it as a control issue. I just thought he was taking an interest in me for a change.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><STRONG>The WS usually doesn't want any part of counseling. The standard answer is that he or she doesn't need it. What they are really afraid of is that they might get talked or reasoned out of the relationship by the counselor.<BR></STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>WH has made it very clear he wants no part of counseling. Which relationship are they afraid they might get talked out of? The one with the spouse or the OP? <P>One strange thing my WH said was that he worried that the C would convince me that I wanted a D. He said that would be bad bacause someone else would have planted that idea in my head, rather than me realizing on my own and really accepting that a D would be the best thing for both of us. Weird, huh? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] I don't understand why that would bother him because it seems like that would be great for him, because then he could just be with that dratted OW that he can't give up.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Want Love:<BR><STRONG>When I read your post I have to admit that I laughed out loud becuase your husband sounds just like my wife! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I am sorry for laughing, I know that you are being very serious and this is a concern. Please forgive me!</STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>There's nothing to forgive! I started laughing after reading your post too, since it looks like I am going to find that this is a common reaction from the spouse who refuses to go to counseling.

I started seeing a counselor about a month before I told my husband. During that month I shared an article off the internet with him. His response was to say, in a very caring voice, that I really needed some help or I was going to lose him. <P>Once he knew I was seeing a counselor, he asked if it was helping. When I said I wasn't sure, he asked if I was telling the C the truth.<P>I would say that you should share what you're comfortable with, and tell him that you are working on yourself, and you hope that he will see the improvements.