Just a vent and update.<BR>Last night ws was over , we are in plan b so I was gone while she visited the kids . this is what I was told by my kids . they talked and had some conflict . ws told kids that she misses being with them and wants them to start staying over at her apt. Kids said no because they dont want her to think that they are all right with what she is doing. She said why didnt you tell me this before I wouldnt have bought the beds and furniture . Kids answered we did mom. they also talked about counseling but she didnot have much to say . Kids told her that this will work if her and dad get with it together she asked kids your dad would work on this ? Its in the plan B letter and Ive been telling her all along . Wouldnt you think that even though your kids tell you that they do not aprove of your actions that you would still try to get them to stay with you if you missed them so much? I mean she only spends about 15 hrs with a week now . and why the memorie loss about husband wanting to work on this ? I keep reminding her that I love her and Im more then willing to work on this with help the ball is in her court.It not only is a emotional roller coaster its also a brain drain. Any input is welcome

CB,<BR>I think it would be MAJOR Love Unit deposits for your W if you could explain to the kids that they need to spend time with their mom even though they do not approve of her actions at this point. What are their ages again? It's important for the kids to know that their mom is a good person who's just making not good choices right now. Explain to them that this is NOT about them and their mom. For me and my kids, when I wanted their dad to move back in, I thought they would be happy about it. I was WRONG. They were very upset, they did not want to see me hurt again. However, I explained to my kids that while I loved them for their support, this was ultimately my decision and that I hoped they would be supportive of me in that decision. This is hard on the kids, but they need to know that even though they don't like what mom's doing right now, she's still their mom and she loves them no matter how bad her choices are right now. I hope you will work this out. Prayers to you!<P>MOM

Myownme,<BR> I&#8217;m not so certain that interceding on behalf of WS is such a good idea. I tried to do that for my WS and it turned into a MAJOR LB. My W has always been a fantastic mother and I tried to help our kids see that her loneliness that led to the A was directly attributable to my actions and inactions. All that happened is that I came off looking like the &#8220;good guy&#8221;. Even asking our son to call his mom led to a huge argument. I came to see that this wasn&#8217;t my problem to fix. Her relationship with our children is her responsibility and all I can really do is muddy the waters. Just my $.02

We have a anniversary coming up the first part of Nov. and we are in planB should I send flowers and a card ? any advise?

Wow, your kids did a good job. I don't have much time but just wanted to let you know you should be proud of your kids for standing up for what they believe. <p>Young or old it doesn't matter. Mine is 6 and told his dad what he thought. That made more of an impression than all my talks. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take Care,
L.

Why do I let it bother me? Ws came over tonight and said that she will be going away for couple of days with om! Smack,just like a slap in the face. I asked her why she found the need to tell me that ? are you flaunting it ? I didnt need to know this. She said she felt the need ,it bothered her . Possibly she feels guilty? I didnt need to know this . She is also going to tell the kids tonight , It looks like its going to be a good weekend coming up .

Eh, skip the anniversary card and just spend the money on something nice for the kids. Maybe take them out and do something fun with them instead... [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Bump up for more advise.

This is a Vent , If you have input, please do.
The kids got back from staying over at ws appt. first time since seperation 07-06-01, had a ok time . daughter asked ws if she would drop her over night bag off at home this weekend ?Ws said no she wont beable to do that, your father knows why. I posted earlier that she told me she was going away with om for a long weekend . Thats why she told me that so I would tell the kids if they asked . She didnot want to face the kids when they found out . No No No I will not be the bearer of bad news for the kids . They wont accept her doing that nor will I tell the kids .
I am not getting in the middle of this , the nerve. You want to have your fun but not the pain that goes with it .If you believe your doing the right thing and you dont want to meet any negative comments head on . then you dont believe your doing the right thing. thats my slant on the subject. Anybody care to comment?

((((((((((((((CB))))))))))))<p>Wow, is she ever in the fog!!!<p>Selective memory loss, lies, flaunting the A, twisting the truth.....<p>I was just wondering how she came to telly you she was going away if you are in Plan B? Plan B is total shutdown, as you seem to be aware, as you weren't there for her to pick up the kids. Just curious. Did she turn up unannounced? <p>I think that you are right in your thinking about her actions. If they WERE doing the right thing, why hide it? It is a common thing I see on the board, and even my own H has not communicated with his own family about the A. If it's so darn GOOD, why do they hold off telling people?<p>Well now, in Plan B you can discuss the children with her, via email is probably best. Point out that you will not be the bearer of her social comings and goings to the children. If she wants them to know, it is her responsibility to tell them. Of course I guess you should do it without LB'ing...maybe say "I can understand why you did not tell the children your plans for the weekend. We both know it would hurt them deeply to know where and who....etc"<p>Anyway, I am rambling again...I just wanted to offer you some support.<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

Nina , I know plan B is total shut down . i thought she would come over kids would go out and meet her and away they would go . But she came in grabed a cup of coffee and came up stairs and sat down , didnt even take her coat off . and she said that she had been thinking about it all day and she had to tell me about trip. She was very uncomfortable about telling it to me almost in tears when she saw I was discusted with the news .Go figure .