Hi, you can read about our particular malfunction in my post below (Please, I need advice. just found out, going crazy: repost from Just Found Out), but for right now, I have a general question for any interested.<P>My wife hasn't committed to working on our M, as a matter of fact she hasn't even committed to ending the EA. In the couples counselling that we've gone to a couple of times, her main goal was to determine what went wrong so that it doesn't repeat in her next (possibly the current A) relationship.<P>Anyone have an opinion as to whether I ought to drop these forums to her to read through. I've given her a couple of other sites, and she's seemed appreciative...but maybe this one would give away all of my secrets as to recovery....don't know.<P>What do you think.<P>Kev

NO! Not while she is in fog and doesn't want to work on the marriage...<P>I tried in the summer and it totally blew up in my face...<P>He told OW about site...and I had OW, her H and my H lurking and reading my posts...<P>For now...this place needs to be your safety valve...later, in recovery, it could be a place for both of you...<P>Cali

Kevco,<P>Please do not have her visit here. There have been several BS that have encouraged their WS to come here only to get blasted. WS completely misunderstands the purpose of MB and this forum. <P><B>I strongly advise against it.</B><P>God Bless,<BR>Jo

Kevco,<P>No, do not push her or tell her to participate in the forum in her current state of mind. Rather, you can tell her where you are finding help and just be very positive about what you are learning here and that it helps you out. It's just like the Harley or other books. You can leave them sitting around but don't push them on her. She will just get turned off even more. And if you do any venting here or want to rag about the way you are being treated, she could eventually read what you are writing and thinking if she knows or figures out your login. That could be a very big LB.<P>SG

I'm with the others. Don't encourage her to come here in her current frame of mind. It's true that it will only backfire right now.<P>I told my H about this site during our separation and his A's. What a mistake that was! I was hoping he would read the basic concepts, but then worried that he'd read some of my venting posts. He did neither. But even when I talked to him about MB, he would misconstrue what I was telling him, and hear it in his own way. (e.g. POJAing about friends of the opposite sex. HIS interpretation.. NO friends of the opposite sex.. ever!).<P>Karen

Hi Kevco,<P>I have read your other thread and sorry you are suffering so much pain. You have the tools here to get a handle on your life. You can share the books and writeups here. Even schedule a session with Jennifer or Steve. As for the actual posting, it might be wise to save it until she is in a more acceptable frame of mind. Let her become familiar with the MB concepts. <P>My H was the WS, he is not comfortable with this forum, but I have shared the writeups and even some posts from here. While he has agreed with some of the posters, he has disagreed with other and some have made him very angry. He is getting better and I even made a binder of a lot of the articles here along with copying the questionnaires. We even had 1 session with Steve. H still is not comfortable with Steve. <P>Inspite of it all, H is home and working on our marriage. He is learning to be a better father and H. There are many issues he has yet to work on and challenges to face but this is part of the healing process and I have agreed to work with him. It is hard for me since I have basically been holding my breathe and put our lives on hold during this whole fiasco. Now I want my life to be ours again, I want to live as a family and not fragmented, dominated by an OW who is a <BR>stranger in our lives. <P>JMHO,<BR>L.

I guess that would make it a resounding NO from the crowd. btw, nevermind the new user id and user #....I had a snafu with my original login attempt using THIS account, and so I used another email address, et. al.<P>THIS is the REAL me! HMMM, that sounds familiar, I believe I've been saying that for a couple of weeks now.<P>Thank you all for your helpful posts and for supporting me through these difficult times.<P>God Bless!<BR>Kev