what do you do when h acts as if your bad news.husband has been back for 5 wks and every couple of days has a different story.it bothers me that he hasn't told ow where he is staying.he claims it hasn't come up.he says he can motivate himself to do stuff with me.and he thought that by moving out of ow house and returning home that loving feeling would have returned and he said its been a month and he doesn't have that feeling for me.claims it just not there and ow whom he works w and was has been involved w over 1 yr has nothing to do with it (i smell a rat)he says he just doesn't feel like doing anything with me or going anywhere w me.that things in the house are cool though(who needs a babysitter?)so now he wants to divorce and we both move on with our lives.how do you get the loving feeling back in 5 wks when you lived w ow for 8months work together and have taken vacations together during those eight mo.they went to work together,lunch and went home together how do you get over that in 5 wks and think you will just poof.be in looove w your wife like its magic? and all there free time they spent it together.and all along he hasnt even mentioned that he wanted to work on being friends w me so they are still together even though he claims they aren't.he lies to both of us and now he is saying to me divorce is the only thing for us since so much has happened,he doesn't feel love for me and how will we be able to overcome all that has happened? every couple of days his story changes.this morning he said he needs to figure out what he wants to do meanwhile he doesn't even say bye to me when he leaves in the morning.doesn't call or email during the day to say hi.doesn't call at the end of the day.he just shows up home when he is good and ready. and says he should continue to live his life and i live mine (doing recreational activities separately) and i questioned how would that loving feeling ever change if he has this attitude.he says he doesn't feel bad about anything that has happened.so there really doesn't look like there is any room for change.i just hate for our child to see him move out again due to his selfishness and immaturity. pls speak up whoever is out there.i believe he has no clue as to why he even returned and five wks later said it wont work what effort did he put into this?<BR>what chance did he give us? seems like he just enjoys life more w ow because it easier and more care free.even though he said we just might have grown apart pls post

(((((((((( leftalone ))))))))))<P>Your H is waffling. He's waffling bigtime. The only thing you can do is to stay strong towards him. Don't LB!!! (that's the biggie). <P>It sounds like there wasn't enough of a boundary enforced for him to come home. The number one item on the list is NO CONTACT. That obviously isn't happening. True, they work together. But there are ways to deal with that issue. Unfortunately, I do not have any experience in that area.. but there are many on here who do. Perhaps you should start a thread to those who's S work with OP? You would get more specific info that way.<P>You're very right in that 5 weeks is nothing in the whole picture. That's not enough time to work things out. IMO, your H isn't ready to give up his OW yet, and that's why he isn't putting any effort into your marriage. I'm not saying that they're back in a full blown EA/PA... I'm just saying that he's not ready to stop thinking about her and focus on you and your marriage together.<P>You'll be fine. Trust me. Just keep on posting on here as much as you feel the need to. Let out those frustrations. It really helps to see things more clearly for yourself.<P>Karen