I guess she probably does care but she sure does not show it.Of course,she thinks since she pays child support and sees them for an hour a week(when it is convient for her) that means she is being a good mommy.<P>Guess I am a little ticked,we are supposed to be at a confrence (which she said she would go to) right now with our daughters teacher.Yesterday when I spoke with her she said she would call before she left...no call no show.<P>To make matters worse,when I spoke with her I mentioned I was running out of diapers and for her to bring some..day is not over but I only have 1 or 2 left.

Guess, its part of the fog there in. My WH doesn't come see the kids either only when its convient for him, our kids are 15,12,9 two boys and a girl its hard raising them alone especially at these tough ages. Sorry you have to deal wtih this, know your not alone. Love Sally

My H tried to pull that same crap on me when we were separated. I had to draw the line. I finally realized that "I" was the one in control over the whole situation. <P>I would tell him about things that were coming up with the kids, but that was the end of it. If he asked after the fact, I'd tell him. But I sure wouldn't remind him or bring it up after the fact.<P>As far as supplies for the kids, the payments (as minimal as they were - $50 every other week), were set by MY standards. He was to bring me the money every day before the start of his workday. If he missed one payment, I was going to the FRO (family responsibility office) and having THEM deal with him.<P>Some call it tough love.. but it was also a matter of protecting myself, and more importantly, the kids. <P>I understand all too well how unfair all of this is for you. I was doing the same stuff between Feb and May of this year. Only I had newborn twin boys and an almost 2 yr old. Oh, and did I mention I don't have my drivers' license? So everything we did was via foot. Sure, H offerred to get me things for the boys (nothing extra.. but out of the money he would normally pay me), but I refused. I had to learn how to do these things by making the assumption that he may not come back. The lesson I was trying to convey? Simple. You don't need me or the kids.. well I'll be damned if I need you!<P>Sorry for the vent.. but it burns my a$$ when the all too typical WS backs out on the kids as well as the spouse and marriage.<P>Karen

Well,she pays $150 a week,so we get that and my daughters ssi check to live on...it gets tight but we get by.<P>If I run out of diapers or somthing and need them,she will usually bring them but deduct that from the weekly payment.<P>She took our only car with her,its in her name so...Luckily the kids and I moved at the start of this month,from out in the country to an apartment on the busline,,,now we can go where and when we want.

It really does burn me to hear other stories about the la-la land of ws-hood. My girls are having SO many problems that can be traced directly back to the divorce. What does my WS/exH say? "Don't be bitter. Move on with your life." He takes it personally, like it's about him or me wanting him. NOT!

Hey All!<P>When my ex moved out, he promised our 3 boys that he would visit them as often as he could. Well, he lives 10 minutes away and only sees them about 2-3 times a year, is almost $4000 behind on child support, doesn't ask about health issues or school issues, and the list goes on and on.<P>Deep down I know he loves his kids, he just can't be a dad right now. So, I do the best I can with what I have, which isn't much. But we manage and we will continue to survive.<P>Mitzi [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Mitzi,I grew up with my dad living about 10 minutes away,except I did not know that.He knew where we were though.I did not see him from the time I was 9 months old until I was 13.I havent seen him much since then either.<P>MY wife's mother did the same thing to her that she is doing to her kids.THe counseler I spoke with said that is a big reason for the affair,that and that her father melested her.<P>Anyway,I just cannot understand how a mother or anyperson for that matter can leave their kids especially when they themselves know how it feels,how it hurts etc.<P>I guess one day she will wake up and if its too late realize what she has lost.Hopfully she will wake up before its not too late.<P>SHe has been gone since the end of may and the kids have spent mabey 24 hours total with her...not counting when I was in the hospital and she stayed with them for a few days<P>I guess alot of people think us bs's are insane for even wanting the ws's back even though the pain we and out kids go through every day.But I do want her to come home and I do want to make our marriage work and I do love her.<P>.

Owen,<P>It's definately possible for a WS to wake up and come home! (Although it didn't happen in my case!) <P>There are many reasons that BS's want the WS's to come back. Love, committment, family,...etc. I sincerely felt the same way that you do. At first I begged and cried a lot! Then I found MB! What a blessing! I learned how to use Plan A!! <P>And ya know, even though it didn't work, he left knowing that I was a good person. And my children know that I tried everything to keep their family together. Plan A is hard but you can do it! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <P>Mitzi [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Did Jehovah Jireh come through with more diapers for you? Let us know!<p>Sorry you are going through this. No one deserves to be abandoned, esp. with small kids. Hang in there because you are in a position where you are forced to trust God and that ain't a bad position to be in.<p>When we are weak, HE is STRONG! So I think you deserve a miracle today! May God bless you owen. You're doing your best and I know God sees.

Okay, I have got to respond to this as
a WS..I care very much for my kids..
they live with me..I care for them on a
day to day basis..and have since they were
born, both physical needs and emotionally..my stbx, on the other hand, was wayward, maybe not
by having another person in his life..
but by his career and drinking choices..so he wasn't here..physically, emotionally, or mentally..even when he was here..yes, he
supported them financially..but that was it..<p>I have a question, you said in your post that
you were supposed to have been at your daughters
school for an appointment with her teacher..
Why didn't you go alone? as you said you live on
the busline..couldn't you have taken the kids
and gone anyway instead of waiting for her?
You knew you had to be there by a certain time..
so you could have made alternate plans to make sure you were there..ie: if she wasn't there
by such and such a time, you'd leave without her..
because it takes x amount of time to get there..<p>This is actually something I have had to learn myself..to do it without stbxh around..and not feel guilty for it..and not get mad at him because
he's missing out on these things by his own choice..and my kids weren't doing things because
of waiting on him to be around to do them
ie: my daughter wanted to be baptised..
she called her dad told him..he asked her to make it for such and such a weekend because he'd be
home that weekend..he called her a couple days
before said he wouldn't be here, so could she reschedule it, she did..three times..this happened..he asked her to reschedule..the last time I'd asked her if she wanted to reschedule it
she said, No..if I continue to wait on dad to be here, I'll NEVER get baptisted, she was baptised that weekend, dad was not there, yes he got upset, and yelled, but oh well, he chose to be away..what a slap into
reality for me..and I started changing--<p>And as far as the diapers go, you know that you
live on a limited income,(as we all do) of x amount of dollars a month..do you get food stamps or AFDC? Thats what they are there for..to assist
when you need it, (although it's a long tedious process)and if you have a local church, they can
also offer assistance when you need it..even if giving $25 to help buy diapers..or the local salvation army (although right now they are working on Christmas) so they would probably make some calls for you to local churches for assistance..and if child care is a problem, you can contact there are some places that will base child care cost on income..the YMCA is one of them..<p>
I'm not sure why your not working..you don't say..but, could you get a job, something within the busline? or see about going to vocational
school to learn a trade so that you can work??<p>You really do have a lot of choices..so don't let
her actions or lack there of..control you..and what is best for you and your kids..you need to be able to do whats best for them..