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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 11
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 11 |
W's PA lasted for 4 weeks, ended 8/28. Thought there was no contact after 9/14. Things improving, but W slipping into deeper depression. Just found out about at least phone contact on 10/9 and 10/12 She doesn't talk to me alot about what she is going through right now, finally made appt. to see a counselor herself. Would it be a LB to ask her if A is still going on. She told me the truth the first time, not sure I even want to know. She has told me that she wants to be married, but is scared, etc... Tough day today.
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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 1,206
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Member
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 1,206 |
This is a toughie. I think just letting her know you see her struggle and asking her how you can help her, or if she wants to talk may be a good way to approach it. If you can ask calmly, and assure her you won't LB no matter what she answers, you could ask her if she has had recent contact. You know your spouse best.<p>Anyone else have ANY words of wisdom?
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 74
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 74 |
I think you have to ask. If she wants to be married to you and work on your marriage she has to cease all contact with om. Tell her she needs to be totally honest with you for your Marriage to work.
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 11
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 11 |
Asked her yesterday morning, and she denied. As far as I know, she has never directly lied to me before, so I really want to believe her. I do about 80%, she says contact was all strictly work related. She had first counseling session and now said we should spend more time working on ourselves, doesn't want to talk about "us" until we figure out who we are. This is all good as long as it is real. I am a recovering alcoholic (8 mos. sober) and have been spending alot of time working on myself, even more since I found out about A. PA started 8/1, D-day (I confronted her) 8/4, A over ? 8/28. I guess I concentrate on becoming friends and plan A some more.
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 445
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Member
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 445 |
spirit,<p>my view on this, is not to ask. You don't want to know and whatever she answers you'll be second guessing (is it the truth, is it a lie). Your W may see it as controlling or worse, parental.<p>Why not focus on being supportive. If she's down ask her if a hug would help right now. Call her during the day just to say 'hi, I was thinking of you and wanted you to know'. That kind of stuff, it let's her know you're there for her but doesn't crowd her space.<p>What do you think - would that work for you?<p>- Freddy
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