Thank you...<p>This has been a busy week...not much time for posting or reading...<p>I appreciate ALL your replies...<p>I didn't have anything specific in mind...just what you have all written...from the heart...why we are here...BSs and WSs...<p>I just don't understand his ANGER towards the site and you all...and I want him to understand that what I wrote then and the responses I received were 'unusual,' not the norm and certainly not MB sanctioned!!!<p>Cali

HI Cali-<p>I am definately not a veteran but this site has helped a great deal. I can come here sometimes with a specific question and because we are all going through the same things someone else has already posted what I wanted to.<p>My H knows that I come here but since we don't have a computer in the house he knows that I'm not here that much. <p>I had told him to check out the site but that was even before I discovered the forum and was just looking at the info on infidelity. I know he checked that stuff out and we still have the printouts at home. <p>My main purpose here is that not any of my "non-forum" freinds and family truly understand what I am going through and the feelings that I have and what WS is going through. It is hard to get them to understand that it really isn't ALL his "fault".I also am learning how to be a better wife/friend/mom for him/me and us.<p>I hope this helps some. I would think he would be glad that you were able to get some sort of support. Good luck!!!

Let me tell you what the positive part of this site has meant for me;<p>Last December I suffered a partial mental breakdown that sent me to a mental hospital for several days. Not a nice place to be at all.<p>After I got out, I found this site and I learned that I was not the only person that was having the problem that I was having. I was not the only person that hurt inside and did not know which way to turn.<p>I have learned so much. There have been the posts from those who hurt more than I that allow me to see that I am not in such bad shape. There are the humorous posts that make me pee my pants at times. <p>There have been the discussions that pique my interest and make my brain function at a higher level.<p>I have always kept up with your posts as I find you seem to be one of those rare people that even in the worst of times, you have your wits about you.<p>I hope your H will be like my W.....she knows I visit here. She doesn't care about what is said, what she is concerned with is that fact that I have CHANGED and become better through time as a result of my being here....<p>Hope that helps a little.
Fred

Hi Cali I just had to put my 2 cents in. MB was a blessing for me when I stumbled onto this site. After 16 yrs together H and I were separated and I was alone raising 3 kids. I didn't know what to do where to turn. The pain was unbearable. I couldn't eat or sleep. I was functioning but barely. Then I found MB and there were people on here living my life. Going through the same things I was experiencing. The first time I posted I was overwhelmed by the welcoming responses I received. One night I was at my lowest and as I sat at my computer typing with tears streaming down my face I really needed some one to reply. Not only did I get replies but phone numbers and e-mail addresses of people on MB that are genuinely concerned about me. They may be my cyber friends but they are friends no less. We talk to each other, offer support and suggestions,and pray for one another. Cali I truly hope your H sees how MB has helped so many of us in our darkest hours. We are not a bunch of nutbars we are real people with kids, jobs, lives going through a really rough time and having others who understand what you're going through and giving you support makes all the difference between sanity and insanity.
C

Hi Cali I just had to put my 2 cents in. MB was a blessing for me when I stumbled onto this site. After 16 yrs together H and I were separated and I was alone raising 3 kids. I didn't know what to do where to turn. The pain was unbearable. I couldn't eat or sleep. I was functioning but barely. Then I found MB and there were people on here living my life. Going through the same things I was experiencing. The first time I posted I was overwhelmed by the welcoming responses I received. One night I was at my lowest and as I sat at my computer typing with tears streaming down my face I really needed some one to reply. Not only did I get replies but phone numbers and e-mail addresses of people on MB that are genuinely concerned about me. They may be my cyber friends but they are friends no less. We talk to each other, offer support and suggestions,and pray for one another. Cali I truly hope your H sees how MB has helped so many of us in our darkest hours. We are not a bunch of nutbars we are real people with kids, jobs, lives going through a really rough time and having others who understand what you're going through and giving you support makes all the difference between sanity and insanity.
C

Cali<p>I just wanted to let you know this oldie, I actually prefer verteran, did see your request and I haven't been ignoring it either. I do believe I have some good things to say to/for your husband.<p>Life has just gotten in my way. Currently I am at work sneaking in here. My internet access was down for a couple of evenings for some reason...one night I think the site was actually closed and the other I had problems with the computer at home. I still have a thread I started on my own that I need to tend to.<p>The drama in my family continues and my grand-daughter is in the hospital, has been for six days with pneumonia. So, I promise (hope I did not sound like I am complaining, cause I'm not?) eventually I will get back here with some concrete good stuff like you asked for. It just may take me a couple of days or so. <p>Where on earth does the time go? <p>{{{{{{Cali}}}}}

Dear Cali's Husband,<p>I am a former betrayed wife. My H and I married when I was 20 and he was 23. The first two years of our marriage were total bliss: young lovers who lived solely for each other and seemed to breathe for one another.<p>Fastforward 18 years....<p>I had always considered us as one of the "lucky couples." We both had aged into our late 30's virtually unscathed-- healthy, nice careers, attractive, good incomes, nice home, decent kids-- weren't we the lucky ones!!!.<p>Then came OW...then went me...then came D-day...then went her...<p>Then came ME--I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR! I'm not saying that my outbursts, disrespectful judgements, and flatout "name-calling fits" were warranted, yet I initailly reacted to my H as my instincts told me to react: DO WHATEVER I NEEDED TO PROTECT MYSELF AND THE KIDS...AND MOST IMPORTANTLY FIGHT BACK!!! (of course, I've since learned that my reactions were a combination of horror, shock, and total hysteria [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] -- none of which I'm proud of today.)<p>I NEVER PLANNED A: On d-day I told my H he was free to do what he pleased-- be a husband or be a boyfriend. But he could not do both. (BTW, Harley states that some BS are unable to PLAN A for any length of time. Personally, I would have rather died than to have had to PLAN A while my H decided between OW or me.)<p>MY H CHOSE THE MARRIAGE: For six months I wallowed in self pity, self hate, hate for my H, hate for my life, hate at being a mother-- OH MY! I remember telling our marriage counselor that I was MAD AT THE WORLD. WHY WERE PEOPLE SO MEAN? MEAN PEOPLE SUCK.<p>THEN I FOUND MARRIAGE BUILDERS: I learned so much...about ME. How I needed to let go of my H's mistakes. How I needed to look forward. How I needed to accept that sometimes good people made bad choices. How I needed to accept that sometimes I could be overly critical and that everything didn't need to be "perfect". That I needed to recognize that sometimes people are giving their own personal best even though it doesn't always appear that way to me. That sometimes even though we thought we were loving our partners that we weren't actually giving them what they needed to FEEL LOVED....<sigh>.<p>Dear Cali's H: There is absolutely no way possible that I would have found all of this incredible information out about MYSELF and my marriage if I had not discovered this wonderful site.<p>My H and I have been in RECOVERY for slightly over two years now. We are living together lovingly and peacefully. We continue to PLAN A each other and practice all of the MB principles for MARITAL RECOVERY.<p>I highly recommend this site-- especially the RECOVERY FORUM. And, if you have a chance, and Cali is in agreement, I urge you to read SAA. Since my H had already agreed to give up OW, we began on the chapter dealing with RECOVERY.<p>After reading on this site (for well over a year now), I feel I can now RELATE to how my H felt at the time of his Affair. I genuinely ache for his pain and can honestly say that I am deeply sorry for having "failed" him. <p>Today, I ache for both you and Cali. For, I realize that we all truly feel a deep, seemingly bottomless pit of pain as we attempt to do what is "right": both for ourselves and for our marriages.<p>Personally, I will always be PRO-MARRIAGE.<p>I do believe that God chose my H for me, and me for him. We were truly good together at one time--my strengths were his weaknesses, his strengths were my weaknesses--and together we made ONE.<p>That "oneness", or bonding, comes from each partner's willingness to give and take equally in the relationship.<p>MARRIAGE BUILDERS will help each of you learn to be more willing partners (to once again "play fair") in your marriage-- to become ONE again.<p>I urge you to at least explore the possibilities. The end results may just take your breath away...<p>Peace to you and Cali! Love, Marie

Up for Cali's husband [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] . ~Marie

Hi... <p>The biggest reason for me turning to this MB website was to find people who felt the same way as I about marriage.<p>I'm a BS. When my H's affair came out, all of my friends thought I was crazy for not dumping him and getting on with my life immediately. It got so hard to listen too that I stopped talking to anybody about the mess I was in and that too was unbearable.<p>Coming here I find the strength to keep working on our marriage and I am among others who don't believe a family should be packed in so quickly.<p>Can't imagine getting through this summer without this peer group to get me through. Thank you all.

Cali,<p>Just thought you might want another persons opinion (from the other side of the tracks). I'm the WS in our situation. My H and I had grown sooo far apart from his anger and hostility toward me and the kids and life in general. I felt emotionally and verbally abused... and my self-esteem, I suppose was very low..and I was vulnerable.<p>Soooo, I chose the wrong path. I wanted to know if I was still sexy and wanted etc. And when a man happened to come along who showed interest... things clicked. sigh..... i chose the wrong path becuz i gave up my integrity during all of this.<p>Anyway... the reason I enjoy this site (even though sometimes I feel like an unwanted growth on here)....is to try to move ahead with my life. My H has changed his anger...and is very much like he was when I married him... we are in counselling... which has helped... but i think all the books we have read... (self-help and of course the MB ones) have helped us as well.<p>So, Cali's H.... my suggestion to you is to encourage Cali on her way to understanding your actions. Even though we chose the wrong path... we are NOT horrible people. I'm the least type of person anyone would suspect.... Mother of 3, active PTA Mom, Sports Mom, college degree, professional, sorority in college, christian, and all-around NICE person....<p>Hang in there both of you! Hope my side of the story helps.