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<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>
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OOOO-- Interesting thought.<p>The analogy you used at the end -- about not giving an inch and wanting a yard -- I've often felt that way.<p>If I give in, I get smothered. As an example, if H wanted to hug and I didn't get all weird about it then it somehow becomes open season on hugging.<p>Its easier on me to just shut it all down cuz there never seems to be baby steps -- just giant leaps.
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<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>
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I often wonder about this very thing... My W's favorite line is that she remains distant because she doesn't want to give me "false hope". She won't initiate any contact at all but we're getting to the point that she will hug back. <p> I can understand it to a point. I love her very deeply and at the moment she's in love with another as well as me. That has to be confusing as hell! I see the woman that I love and who loves me come out of hiding every so often and it's very difficult for me not to smother her. I see her so infrequently that I feel an overwhelming need to make the most of the opportunity before the stranger returns. It's those moments that keep me going through the bad days. I think the distance is also a means of trying to push me away and trivialize the feelings she obviously has for me. I suppose it would make things much simpler for her if I was to just quietly go away. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I've also wondered if it's all some elaborate test. Do I really love her? She actually asked me once several weeks ago after a (very rare) intimate moment to be very certain she was who I wanted and not to lead her on if I really didn't want her. It boggled my mind since the fact that I was still "here" in spite of her A proved my comittment in my eyes. <p>On further reflection I found that, in our case, that may be a valid concern. I was recently diagnosed as suffering from cronic depression (10 years minimum, probably much longer to varying degrees)accompanied by an ever present anger. My W bore the brunt of this for years and eventually got tired of trying to reach me. She has a very valid concern that perhaps my love isn't strong enough. I neglected her for so very long and the potential for me to crawl back into that black hole is very real. <p>It's all very confusing! I suppose her emotional condition, in concert with my own, makes anything other than terminal confusion nearly impossible!
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<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by OffOnOnOff: <strong> Lexxxy, Believe it or not, that wasn’t the analogy at all when I said “giving an inch and wanting a yard”. My wife actually used it on me many times after d-day and up until now. When I asked her a few months back to hug her, she said if I let you hug me, then you would want more and maybe more than a hug itself.<p>I think that’s why my wife shuts it all down from me because her thoughts are somewhat similar to what you said here, “just giant leaps”.<p>Is that what marriage is all about? We are not kids any more. We are getting older everyday. Do you think that using the baby-steps is to test your H’s patience? Do you think my wife used this analogy to test my love and patience for her? So far I still don’t get it. Do you think that my wife has doubt about my love for her or is it just guilt?<p>I’m so sorry I ask too many questions that you might not know the answer to it.</strong><hr></blockquote>
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<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by OffOnOnOff: <strong> Lexxxy, When I asked her a few months back to hug her, she said if I let you hug me, then you would want more and maybe more than a hug itself.<p></strong><hr></blockquote><p>I know that in my house.. a hug means an invitation to sex, which is why I avoid giving or taking. There are times that hug would be nice, but at the moment not feeling intimate enough to want more. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]
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check out the following.... <p>It is a good read and goes along perfectly with your candy analogy...<p>Lynn<p> http://www.mcfeth.com/awakening.htm
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