I thought it would be interested to see what some of the EN of those people on this sight might be. It would be interesting to see if woman’s needs are the same as the men’s needs. My needs are more in the communication department & my husbands are in the sexual department. What are yours?

everything has to be a balance. Maybe sometimes you need communciation and other times it i9s sexual needs. The needs can change over time. I don't like the idea that Emotional needs weren't met so that justifies and explains the necessity for the affair. After the affair the BS partner must do everything to make the WS happy or else they might have another affair. That's stupid for sure. It should be a team effort and you cannot please another person 100% of the time. But the effort clearly should be there. Some people please the other person 0% I suppose.

Hello Bula,
Just went through the ENQ with my W several weeks ago. #1 for me is openness and honesty, #2 Affection, #3 communication, #4 SF<p>For the record, my W's #1 is affection and #2 communication (the one I botched in a HUGE way)

#1 - honesty; pure, "unadulterated" honesty.

I agree that my needs change quite frequently.<p>Biggee's are:
Honesty/Openness (of course most of us BS's feel this way after the A slapped us in the face)
Communication
Affection
Admiration<p>[ October 26, 2001: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

double-post [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] oops<p>[ October 25, 2001: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

My #1 EN is Honesty. That really stinks when you are a BS because I don't think there is any way for your spouse to meet that one. After all the lies, you can't believe what WS say and thus my #1 will not be met for a long time to come.<p>Jen

#1 Honesty
#2 Affection (especially physical affection)
#3 Conversation
#4 Family Commitment
#5 Sexual Fulfillment

You have to keep in mind that these change over time. Before the A, I don't think I would have ranked honesty & openness in my top 5. I guess like most guys, I ranked SF as #1 but to me it was more than the act of intercourse, for me sex was so much more, from affection, to admiration, to openness, to maybe even rec. comp. with someone that I considered a very attractive spouse. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] Anyway, my list:
1. Sex. Ful.
2. Domestic Support
3. Honesty & openness
4. Admiration
5. Rec. comp.<p>My W's list fell this way:
1. Fam. Commitment
2. Communication
3. Admiration
4. Affection
5. Sex. Ful.<p>Also interestingly, one of Steve's theories about my W is that since my W says I'm really doing a good job meeting her top 4 EN (she doesn't want me to address #5) and since she says she doesn't feel much different about me now compared to 6 months ago, either she didn't rank her needs correctly or her list has changed and she isn't admitting it.
SG

<p>[ October 26, 2001: Message edited by: Fighting4us ]</p>

1. Admiration
2. Affection
3. Openess and Honesty
4. Communication
5. SF

Funny thing (well, not funny HaHa). My absolute most important EN as I've envisioned them since adolescence has been HONESTY and OPENNESS, followed closely by AFFECTION.<p>But several years ago, I was the WS in an EA, and since that time I'd fallen away from that belief system. I hadn't told my WS about my EA until I found out about her PA (as if there wouldn't be enough air to clear). I think that's when I started killing her love for me (ironic).<p>But I'm trying to explore in counselling exactly WHY I abandoned my ENs for the last several years.<p>Anyway, here they are ANEW:<p>#1 HONESTY/OPENNESS
#2 AFFECTION
#3 COMMUNICATION
#4 ADMIRATION
#5 OK, PROBABLY SEXUAL FULFILLMENT
#5 (tie) FAMILY COMMITMENT (we don't have kids yet else this would probably be higher).
#7 THE REST<p>Later,
Kev

I have to say that my EN's are as follows:
1 Honesty (definitely)
2 Affection
3 Communication (that's a biggie)
4 SF
5 Family commitmen

Together 16yrs
M 12 yrs
3 kids
Seems like fog is beginning to lift a bit and H is emerging as old self.

Okay, here's my top five:<p>1. Honesty.<p>2. Honesty.<p>3. Honesty!<p>4. HONESTY!!<p>5. HONESTY, DAMMIT!!!!<p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Mine (I think)<p>1. Family Commitment (so as long as WS stays, I may be able to do a fine plan A, but if we separate, BIG withdrawal!
2. Affection
3. Rec. Companionship
4. + 5. Conversation / Honesty<p>(I don't see how to separate those!)<p>Right after D-Day, WS was meeting 2 - 5 better than for years, but it's slacking off! Am I doing something wrong?? (A is continuing as far as I know.)

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Nina too:
<strong>Okay, here's my top five:<p>1. Honesty.<p>2. Honesty.<p>3. Honesty!<p>4. HONESTY!!<p>5. HONESTY, DAMMIT!!!!<p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] </strong><hr></blockquote>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Nina too:
<strong>Okay, here's my top five:<p>1. Honesty.<p>2. Honesty.<p>3. Honesty!<p>4. HONESTY!!<p>5. HONESTY, DAMMIT!!!!<p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] </strong><hr></blockquote>
Too Too Funny Nina! LOL

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Nina too:
<strong>Okay, here's my top five:<p>1. Honesty.<p>2. Honesty.<p>3. Honesty!<p>4. HONESTY!!<p>5. HONESTY, DAMMIT!!!!<p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] </strong><hr></blockquote><p>[ October 26, 2001: Message edited by: bula ]</p>

Sorry for the tripple post, I NEED SLEEP!!!!!!!!!