Although H still refuses to discuss the issue of letting even his family in on the separation, each time I've seen him in the last three days, he seems to be distant, cold and so uncaring. He can't look at me and just is so far removed. <p>What should/can I do in response to this behaviour? Should I ask him if there's anything I can do or just leave him alone?<p>It's so hard to watch him loathe me.

Hi Terrified, I was unable to visit for several days and was wondering how you are. About asking what you can do - I would be careful how to phrase it - focus on what you can do to meet some need he wants met. THe biggest thing is that I would only ask once. After that it slides to nagging and LB.

Wow. I don't have any help for you, but I just had to read and respond. I was just telling a friend how cold and distant my H was on the phone just now. sigh.... I know in my case, I really think he's done. Just waiting for the D to go through. He wasn't really rude, just cold and distant was all I could think of.<p>I'll go back and catch up on what's been going on with you lately, so maybe I can help a tad with your question. But I'm sure you'll get some great responses - maybe they'll help me too. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>hang in there, hun.

Dear Terrified,
The logical response would be that he's covering his own guilt? Just a thought. Is there any chance he's gotten involved with someone else? I know that the OP is currently out of the country, but could there be someone else? I'm not trying to scare you, so if there isn't any other evidence, please disregard my comment. It's just that my H was his ugliest when he was still lying to me. He was very distant and cold and my only thought was that he was still feeling guilty. Like the time when he told me to have the counselor help me get over his A. Well, he said that because he was still involved with his OW, even though he'd told me "she's no longer an issue." See what I'm saying? Something that really would stop my H in his tracks was when he'd say something ugly to me, I'd just say "wow, I'm so sorry you feel that way right now. Hopefully you won't feel that way in the future." No matter how he's treating you, remember PLEASE that this is about him and his issues. If you are being loving and kind, there's nothing more you can do for him at this point. Find something to occupy your time that doesn't involve him. A movie with friends, a really good book (I read the entire 8 book "Left Behind" series over the last 2 months). Anything that will take the focus off him and put it on you. My prayers go out to you.<p>MOM

Thanks for all your replies, MOM, Yes, my H told me it's over with the OW (yeah, right!) but he still blames me for everything and how do I know that the OW isn't back here to visit??? Should I attempt to find out or should I just leave it alone?<p>This is just such a terrible place to be!