And I've missed you. A lot is going on in my life right now ... but suffice it to say that I've found a way to manage my time so that I spend the majority of it away from home. I've gone back to the university to pursue my graduate degree, in preparation for making myself a more valuable public servant when the time comes for me to be completely self-sufficient. <p>Have otherwise put together a set of tacit rules for myself as to not make H go off the deep end. Don't initiate interaction. Don't share personal information. Don't disagree. Don't start a conversation about anything that could lead into an "argument," e.g., world events. Agree with everything. Make no requests. Expect nothing. Do not say a word when crazy XOW calls and leaves a drunken, raging message about what horrible, evil people BOTH of us are and how she hopes we'll rot in the dark depths of h*ll. Fortunately, the university we both attend has rules that protect one student from being stalked by another. So I'm not too worried about her harrassing me on campus. <p>I know what many of you are thinking. You're right, it is no way to live ... but it's only temporary. And I'm getting to the place I need to be, slowly, but getting there.<p>How is everyone else?<p>belld

Hey Belldany!!<p>I've been wondering about you. Glad to hear you are doing well. You're right, it is no way to live. But having an exit plan is a step in the right direction.<p>What is important is that you know what is going on and how to handle it.<p>Welcome back.<p>Z

Sounds like a survival plan.<p>I'm so glad to hear from you too... have thought of you over the last several months -- and said a few prayers too!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Continue taking good care,
Sheryl

Oh Bell,<p>How nice to hear from you. I am glad you are in a stronger position. Hon, we are here for you whenever you need us. ok? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Please keep in touch when you can. Sounds like you are in a working plan and headed in a safer direction. <p>Sorry you are having to deal with such a lunatic. Those usually peter out. Hope yours runs out of steam soon!!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take care and keep in touch. Sending a big {{Hug}} your way.

L.

Wow, It's Belldandy,<p> I am so glad you wrote. I often wonder about you lady. Even though I came on the boards just a little before you left. I worried about you and that abusive @#@&@^& person that could harm you.<p> So glad you took a minute to let us know you are still around and getting to a place where you will be much better off.<p> God Bless
Jerry

Glad to see your "smilin'" face again! And, I see that you are back in the saddle again. This time for the long ride, eh? Take good care of yourself and keep us up to date on your situation. <p>Hoping for the best for you and yours, always!

I'm one of the many who have started a thread looking for you in the last few months. It's good to hear that you're okay, and keeping up your plan A for you! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Amazingly enough (?), H and I are in recovery now (it's been about 5 months now.. wow!!), the twins are 8 months old, the 2 1/2 yr old is a typical 'terrible 2' (LOL), and Andrew would have been 5 yrs old on the 25th of October (so if you haven't had any chocolate cake... go for it! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] ).<p>That's FANTASTIC to hear that you're taking courses at university!!! I've got to get my butt in gear in that department too (hehehe... always a money issue, isn't it? sigh!).<p>Keep on posting when you get a chance, and let us know how you're doing. I've missed your witty posts. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Karen

BELL!!!<p>Miarcles do happen. I'm so glad to hear from you alive and well, if still w/ h. I was so worried about you when all of that mess went down, I was just shocked. none of us an ever really know what else is going on in a persons life with such anonimity, and the anonimity just added to all of our worries about what to do. I think we all felt a bit helpless.<p>I'm not sure why you feel it necessary to live in such a situation even temporarily, and I can't say I agree, but I am so thankful to hear from you. Please don't just vanish on us like that again!<p>God bless, and stay safe, you are not replaceable- physical things are.<p>NY

Aw guys! :')<p>I'm glad to hear that everyone is still hanging in there. We will survive this, you know ... one thing that I've learned is that there is a life outside of marriage. I had one once before, didn't I? Hey, I spent 31 years of my life unmarried. And I liked the person I was then!<p>What made me return to MB was an event that happened recently. Last week, I was eating dinner in a little cafe in my neighborhood, and H's XOW walked in. Gave me the evil eye. And oddly enough, it didn't bother me at all. She was just this *person* who happened to not like me because I got in the way of her plans for my H. As I contemplated her presence, I realized that I'd done stupid, irreverent things in my misspent youth - those years in high school and college and the years after graduation. But I never came between a married couple. And it clicked: I am *proud* to be who I am today. I'm *not* like XOW. I've not hurt anyone to that degree. <p>Thing seem to be falling into place,all because of that encounter. I think that facing one's "enemy," so to speak, is to come face to face with one's own shortcomings and asking, "What about this person is like myself?" When I found nothing, I felt nothing but relief. And peace. I think that she and my H should have stayed together now. She doesn't seem to be afraid of him, and God knows she's got a violent streak in her. I'm sure that between the two of them, they'd find a way to get so angry with each other that they'd probably spontaneously combust, lol!<p>Anyway, just wanted to share that revelation. It did wonders for me. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Ta for now,<p>belld

Well Bell,
I am proud of you. Able to look her square in the eye with a clean conscience. You done good. <p>I heard a talk today about those who leave their mates for someone on the internet. The speaker said, if one does that, then they deserve what they get. Especially since they can't see who the OP really is. He related a case of the Ws being very disappointed when he met the OW. Ha!<p>Anyways you are able to go back to school and move on. You are an example to follow. Wish I had that stamina. <p>Do you still have the same e-mail addr? I have some fun stuff to send you.<p>L.

Orchid, if the email you have is belldandy112@yahoo.com, that's me. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>More about seeing the XOW ... you know, I knew that it would eventually happen one day. And I dreaded it. I thought that I'd be so afraid of her that I wouldn't be able to even look at her. I mean, let's face it, the gal is 100% pure unadulterated nuts. (Oh wait - but she *is* adulterated. Silly me, lol!) But oddly, that wasn't the case. I don't know how I did it, I just did. Just looked right up at her as though she were just any other person who happened to walk through the door. Her presence didn't make me feel uncomfortable or icky or anything. Just went on with my meal and that was that.<p>So, got some jokes for me or what?!<p>belld

Hi belle...<p>I am smiling to see you here!! You were one of the first to post to me way back in April when I was InShockInCali...a lot has happened...<p>I am still with H and God willing will be forever...<p>I too am getting to a better place...not wanting to ride the emotional rollercoaster forever so I am working at getting into a balance right now...<p>Take care,
Cali

belldandy,<p>Thanks for writing to let us know how things are. I'm sorry that it doesn't sound like your H has ever come to grips with the changes he needs to make to give your marriage a chance, but glad that you're taking care of you and not accepting such a non-functional relationship as a permanent state of affairs (pun intended).<p>Take care and good luck with the studies.<p>Steve

Well glad to hear you have kicked it into survival mode and at least now you can post on MB without H stalking you too, huh?! Glad you're back and you're doing all right!