I have a similar story here. My h had been having an A for 8-9 months when I found out. Then we were seperated for about 8 months,and this summer I was with someone. He has been hom for 2 1/2 months now and it is just plain crazy. Here's where our 2 stories are totally opposite.....my h is the one having an extremely hard time dealing with the fact that I was with someone else. I am the one fighting for this marriage and I feel he is doing nothing. He told me if I was acting like he is, that he would leave!!HE says he started this mess and I had no reason to not go out with someone since he had a girlfriend. I feel as though he says these thing but does not mean them.(BTW, I don't think I was right in being with someone else). He does despise me for being with someone else, yet I am supposed to act like what he did was no big deal .He has told me he wishes he was the only one that had an A, so he wouldn't have to deal with mine. I think he is using it as an excuse to end up being with her. Why do they stay then? I have yet to figure that part out! I wish you luck with your wife. I have found out that this is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my life. Things will get better for us, we have to believe this or we will lose all hope.