As I've written in other posts, I suspect my husband of having an EA with a young female 'friend'. I found out that she moved out of her previous accommodation, and suspect she's moved in with my husband. He works in another city, and I'm in Plan B with him.<p>6 years ago, my husband wanted to buy the property I currently live in. I was against the idea, as this place is not near public transport, we had no car, and were too poor to take taxis. Not to mention that this house is a total dump, without toilet, bathroom, or kitchen, and even missing cladding. But, for the sake of our future, I eventually agreed. I am disabled and unable to walk any great distance.<p>Now my husband is earning a good income, and a few months ago bought himself a car. He needed it for relaxation, he said. I told him it was more important for ME to have a car, as I'm house bound without one, and don't even have a shower or hot running water. Nor can I do proper grocery shopping, without a car. He knows all this very well, after all he lived here for all those years too. HE had no problem getting to town during this time, being healthy and able to get around.<p>Anyway, after much talking he bought me a car too (reluctantly). First time he drove it (in the city he lives in, where he bought it - the plan was to send the car up to me) he had an accident. Since that accident he's not told me what's happening with that car. I've emailed him, but he just doesn't answer. I now think that if his 'friend' is living with him, he'll want her to use the car. He could have spent the insurance money, if he got some, on her, I have no idea what's going on there.<p>I was paid some insurance money myself, not long ago, for my disability. This money was also to be for our future, a nice lump sum we might find a good use for. Because the car issue was getting so urgent, I wrote to my husband that if he didn't tell me what was happening with the damaged car, I would go out and buy one here myself. Still no answer. Then yesterday he wrote that 'I should buy a car locally, as he did not know what was happening'. Talk about vague! <p>So I buy a car yesterday, and wrote him asking him to transfer funds so I can pay for it. This morning I get an email saying he's not paying for my car, nor for its running costs, and I can just pay it out of 'my' money (meaning the insurance lump sum). This is from my husband, who knows the state of the dump I live in, my physical/mental limitations, who is earning good money yet lets his own 'sick' wife (he tells everyone he has a sick wife) live like you wouldn't let a dog live. This man who always seemed so caring, people were so impressed with how wonderful he was, putting up with his 'sick' wife, and now what is he doing??? How can anyone sink so low? Where is his Christianity? <p>I've read of the cruelty of other WSs, and I've been shocked and amazed. Now it's happening to me, I don't think anyone can really understand the transformation of a loving person into an evil alien, unless they've experienced it. <p>This is just a vent I guess, I'm so upset and sick in my stomach, I want to phone him and tell him what I think of him, but it wouldn't achieve anything at all. <p>SAU

SickandUnwanted,<p>I'm at a lost for words - unusual for me I know - but I want you to know that I read your post and I'm thinking of you tonite. Wherever you are in the world of ours, there's people out here who are thinking of you and how special you are as a person.<p>Carry on venting SAU, if we can help, we will.<p><<<<<<<hugs for sau>>>>>>>><p>- Freddy

Dear s&u
Feel wanted here. I am sorry for the pain you are in, most of us has experienced feeling thrown away like trash.
I dont know your situation and Im sorry if I offend, but if you have some money why dont you move out?Move closer to transportation. You cannot depend on H to take care of you.
Does he have control over your funds?
Why doesnt he live with you or you with him?
Why do you have to email him?
I hope some others here can give you wise advice.
Good Luck

I agree with sadprincess as far as looking into moving out. <p>Part of plan A is to be a better you. To regain some of that independance you had prior to your relationship and M to your spouse. THAT is the person he fell in love with, right?<p>My suggestion is to look into legal issues regarding the house, and see what money you would need to get a more suitable place for you to live in. Even if you have to rent a place, it would be far better than living like you are now.<p>Karen

Dear S&U:<p>I am so sorry for your situation. It is inconceivable to me how your H could treat you this way.<p>I would see an attorney as to your rights regarding the withholding of family money as your money versus my money. I do not know the status of your Plan B but it would seem to me you have to take care of your physical requirements first.<p>Spend to money you need to make you your life better now. If you are forced to D that would be yours and not have to mixed with other family assets. Move to an apt that is easier for you if you cannot afford it there are Gov agencies that can help you. See from the attny above if you can then sell the house to get any equity out and available to you.<p>Is he sending any support at all to you?<p>Do you have any children?<p>I don't know you whole story so I do not know exactly what your expectations are of your H coming back or what kind of family support you have. I would think at this point, I would be looking at a legal separation (I know this may be against MB principles but you have to protect yourself) to be able to get a budget you can live on independently.<p>I can think of more with more information. I will look for you history.<p>I will pray for you tonight and again I am so sorry for your pain.

I would love to move elsewhere, but can't. We have pets that need acreage, and there is nowhere else suitable for them. Because of my disability it would be impossible for me to cope with having children, and these pets are like substitute children to me. Also, with the monthly $ my husband is sending me, I could not afford to pay rent. We own this property outright, so it's cheap to live in. I have asked him to increase the monthly amount, but he doesn't - with what he sends now, I just scrape by and don't have money for clothing, entertainment, or to run a car. He, meanwhile, has a car, goes to fancy restaurants, expensive concerts, weekend trips away, and has good clothing. Plus I bet he's spending heaps on his 'friend'.<p>My husband works in another city, it's the only job he could find. He is 48 years old, so his working life left is short and this job was to allow us to save for his retirement. Here in Australia, it's hard to find work if you are over 40 years old.<p>When my husband started his new job, he set up his own bank accounts and credit card, at the time there was a good reason for this (too complex to go into). Since then that reason has disappeared, and I've repeatedly asked him to set up our accounts as joined ones. Although at first he agreed to this, nothing has been done about it. That means I have no access to his financial records, and rely totally on him sending me some money every month to live on.<p>When I have the car, I will make an appointment to see a lawyer. I will find out my right if my husband divorces me, whether I will lose this house, how much (if any) maintenance he would have to pay. Without owning a car, even going to see a lawyer was very difficult to arrange.<p>What has really got me scared is the thought of losing this house, and not having anywhere to live with my pets. I know that some people don't place much importance on pets, but to me they are the most precious creatures in this world (apart from my husband, but he's not interested in me anymore). My mother has said I can go live with her, which I don't want to do because it's such an imposition on her.<p>The reason I email my husband is that I am in Plan B with him. That's just how he likes it too, but then I'm doing it for me, not him. I've been living my life as if he's not going to be in it, and getting this car is a big part of that. Not once during this whole dreadful thing have I been clingy or pathetic to him, I've kept my dignity and self respect. The only time he's seen me crying is the first time he told me I was not special to him, he saw no future with me, he thinks casual sex is the answer for him. This all came out of the blue, so I couldn't control my tears. <p>SAU

sau the worst thing that can happen to someone is to be isolated I think. I have no idea your cxircumstances but is it possible to make friends with neighbors, and maybe a church group, or others in the community? There are good people everywhere, and I must think there are those who would help you out with transportation, and house repairs. I too am thinking of you, and if it is any consolation whatever happens with my w and I (I am ws) I will never let her suffer, or live in any less comfort than I do. Good Luck

Dear SAU:<p>I looked up some of your post and saw you were from Australia. I do not know the laws there re divorce/separation. I would imagine there are websites that list local attorneys that can do some initial information gathering over the phone.<p>I think SNL is right about contacting local churchs they have outreach programs that will come to you and help as they can.<p>I am sorry I have no experience with affairs and I have a tendancy to want to fix things now (just ask my W)so forgive me if I come across with a barrage of suggestions and tell me to stop if they bother you but....YOU ARE NOT POWERLESS HERE.<p>Call any local lawyer (check your local phone book) on the phone and ask questions. If you find one that you are comfortable with they can help you with a separation agreement. I am sure you would be more comfortable if you had more control of your income stream. Just the fact that you are talking to one may be a wake up call to your H that he needs to deal with you fairly. Just try to take this first step. Let us know what they say.<p>My heart goes out to you as well as my prayers.<p>All my best to you.<p>Jack<p>P.s. Pets are great.