Thanks again to everyone for they're kind words from my posts yesterday. Today was the first day of the recovery. It wasn't an specially good day for me. Very heavy depression had it's hold over me most of the day. One side note, for anyone going through depression the song "I See a Darkness" by Bonnie "Prince" Billy (album is also "I See a Darkness") is probably saving my sanity right now.
I am so suprised that my emotions are not running as wild as I expected. There are some helpful caviates to my situation. The A ended a few months ago. She doesn't see him (he lives 4hrs away). And she seems honest and sincere in attempting to work our way through this. We've talked without yelling, we understand without blaming. I know how we got to this place. My W approached me about being unhappy with our marriage about (I estimate) towards the end of the A. I worked so hard to meet her needs. I agree we were not communicating and were growing distant. After two months our relationship was turning around and we were enjoying each other again. Then yesterday she told me about the A. My initial reaction was suprising calm. Fear, anger, jeliously, and humiliation soon washed over me. We talked later that night. We told each other about the love we were just starting to reveal again. I told her I don't think this will end our marriage, but I do need time. Time to heal, time to regain trust, time together. She understood and agreed.
Like I said, depression was my day today, but most of it lifted when I got home to my W. Is this normal? Will anger come later? Am I still in shock? I'm going to see the same theripist we were seeing together. I think I need some session on how to deal with my feelings. I feel strong this will work. <p>One thing. Ever since she told me, I've had the strongest desire to have sex with her. Not violent or any kind of grudge f**k. I mean deeply passioniate love making. Is this normal? Should I approach she about this?<p>Thanks for listening.

B,<p>I'm glad the two of you are working on recovery. God's speed!<p>About the sex thing, surprisingly, I've felt the same way about my WS. I've wanted to show her that I am NOT the neglectful, unfulfilling, unfeeling husband that I've been (and which ultimately drove her to OM). However, in our case, the A isn't over yet, she still holds a DEEP emotional bond to OM and wants NOTHING to do w/ me.<p>If I could only show her the changes that I'm making.<p>Good luck! I'm glad to see some positive steps here.<p>Prayers,
Kev

Burns,<p>Yes, it is very normal. Sort of reclaiming territory, I guess. But, the posts here suggest that your response is very normal. Have you read Surviving an Affair, by Harley? If not, try getting it. I think it will help, and you will recognize the signs. The anger seems to pop up after about 3-4 months in those marriages recovering. Right now it is just shock.<p>I do hope your W can help, but be aware that she will soon reach a point where she wants you to just "get over it". Remind her she has had months or longer (depending on the affair duration) to process what she was doing and what effects it would have on you and the marriage. <p>You will be months behind her for a long time. Yet, don't be surprised if pretty soon you are carrying the load of rebuilding the marriage. It does happen that way sometimes.<p>In any event hang on, this will be quite a ride. If you want an idea of what your W may go through, do a search for SKM's post. Use the keyword "Chronicles". It details her first year of recovery from her affair. She confessed to her H as well, and he, like you, wanted to work it out from the beginning.<p>Meanwhile, keep reading and posting.<p>God Bless,<p>JL

The feeling are normal. I can't believe how I have taken the whole thing and to hear him talk about OW does not kill me like I thought it would. The love making is also normal. They just had sex with OP but BS make love to them.<p>Plan A, no LB. Get SAA it is great and will tell you everything you need to know and do to get through this. I think I have read it five or six times. <p>Time is what will help most. One day at a time!<p>Stay strong.<p>
SLH

Oh I forgot get on anti depressents they will also help you and WS a great deal. Keep you from dwelling on the stuff running through your head.<p>SLH

burns,<p>Try the David Grey album - track number 9. It soothed my pain on the darkest nights.<p>The sex thing seems to be normal. Looking back however, it was more about reclaiming territory than about making love. It was about trying to take back what was mine. However, my need to do it [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] was bad timing. IMO, it's bad news for both the WS and the BS because of the emotional drain it creates.<p>If the WS denies the BS, then it leaves the BS hurt if not devastated. If the WS doesn't deny the BS then it could leave the WS feeling its a favour and they may even do it grudgingly. Either way, for me, it left me feeling more depressed than elated because it wasn't the best it could be.<p>Don't know really, you can only do what comes naturally but be careful of what happens if you get denied.<p>take care,<p>- Freddy

David Grey, good call. The Scud Mountain Boys have been helping alot too. thanks Freddy