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#954998 11/01/01 01:30 AM
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What made you choose your spouse? Originally, and what made you choose them againafter the A?

#954999 11/01/01 01:37 AM
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well -- I think you might want to address that to RECOVERED WS's, cuz I haven't chosen my H again. Nor do I think that will ever happen.<p>Originally -- sense of humor, met my needs for attention and affection. All around good guy.

#955000 10/31/01 02:06 PM
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Lexxxy - what changed? do you just not feel those qualities are enough? Sorry, I don't know all your story...

#955001 10/31/01 02:07 PM
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double post<p>[ October 31, 2001: Message edited by: Marissa ]</p>

#955002 11/01/01 07:42 AM
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Dear Marissa,
I'm not a WS, but I have a friend/co-worker who was a WS who fell in love with another co-worker. Both have 3 kids. <p>I asked WS why not just leave S if so miserable. WS claims that nothing needed fixing in the M, and that WS is just a selfish person. Hard to believe that marriage was perfect but not impossible, I guess... [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Dr.Harley says that falling in love with someone other than your spouse is not because of unmet needs but because of failing to protect yourself from your own weaknesses... <p>This particular WS said they chose their S originally because they thought this person would make a good spouse and parent. After the affair, it was simply because the OP/WS wouldn't leave their marriage to be with WS. YIKES!!!<p>AND... the only reason the affair abruptly ended was because their spouses found them out through cell phone bills. Which means... they are still in love with each other. DOUBLE YIKES!!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

#955003 11/01/01 12:05 PM
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<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Marissa:
What made you choose your spouse? Originally,<p>She made me feel wanted, held me close, was open and approachable, sexual and friendly (nice). we enjoyed some of the same things, clubs music etc..<p>and what made you choose them againafter the A?<p>Its not like i choose her after the affair, i choose to be married believing that I had not held up my end of the marriage as much as she hadnt, and that until i could confidently say that i was holding up my end then i had failed. I believed that if i were doing and being what she needed that she would become more of what she was. that she would again give to me what i needed and i would fall "In Love" with her again. and to some extent that has happened. <p>she has yet to come full circle she is still full of disrespectful judgements, angry outburst, and is not what i would generally describe as Nice to me but it is much better than it was, and its only been 15-16 months since d-day so i am trying very hard to be patient. I have love for her and at times tremendous desire for her and am commited to doing what i can, its really hard when she doesnt see how she is as a problem or wrong. what she finds "normal and appropriate" behavior is simply mean and controlling if things dont work out for us, that will be the reason, not because i didnt choose her, but because she resisted change so hard that i give up.<p><hr></blockquote>


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