The shock is off. Today was a very bad day. I fell headlong into the great void of depression today. It is the second day after my W admitted to me the A. I started the search for a therapist. I got some references from my insurance, but none have returned my call. When I got home my W and I sat down to talk. I told her of my pain and heartbreak. I explained how I feel that the marriage can be saved and proliferate beyond where it was previously once we get through this. My worry is that she will not wait for me to heal. Our marriage was crumbling when the A started. She approached me about being unhappy and wanted to end it. I started and work like hell to make things better. Things got better which lead her to end the affair. Now I'm feel like I'm back to square one, or worse square -839857. I told her that this has effected me like nothing else has, for the exception of my own parents D. I asked her to be patient. I asked her to try. I told her that some day I will forgive her, but I'll probably never forget. She said she didn't know if she could deal with that. Maybe I was a little dramatic, I don't want to scare her away. Still feeling strong, but not as confident. Thanks for listening (reading).<p>
And now I see a darkness...
and now I see a darkness...
and now I see a darkness...
and now I see a darkness
and did you know how much I love you
is a hope that somehow you you
can save me from this darkness.
-- Bonnie "Prince" Billy, "And now I see a darkness"

I know where you are I have been in there for a month, there is a lot of work to do.
I tried to be as sincere as I could with my H, but without pushing him into extremes, being dramatic will only scare them further away, make them so guilty they won't be able to work with us to manage to re-start this whole thing again.<p>Be patient, lots of hugs, you are not alone, not at all.

Read as much as you can on this site, it helps.<p>ABSOLUTELY READ "SURVIVING AN AFFAIR" It's for sale through this site. I just got it today and am only about 3-4 chapters in, but OH MY GOD! They might as well be telling my story. I'd probably suggest that you both read it (if she's receptive to working on the M).<p>My prayers are with you.
Kev

WOW. My W and I just had a serious heart to heart talk. We discussed how and why we are in the situation we are in. She told me details of the A and I listened without being judgemental or accusitory. I feel a better understanding of it all. I know there is much more to uncover, but I feel like we just made a huge step forward. I still wonder about where she is right now. I read in many of these posts about the WS being in the fog. Could someone please explain. Are we still in the fog? Or are we making progress.

burns<p>The fog is the time when the WS does not know what they want and go back and forth from BS to OP. They will talk with sense one day and the next it sounds as if they are totally crazy. At this time it is really rough because you want to believe everything they say and when they say something that hurt it is like jabbing the knife even deeper. But I would say to myself they are talking out their a-- and this did help me get through some of it.<p>I feel you are lucky that your wife has told you all aspects of the A. Now that the secret is out the fantasy is also gone. It took my WH 4 months to open up to me and tell me all about the A.<p>Get the book SAA it is wonderful and will help you through this time. When I am feeling down and don't know anymore I pick up the book and read and it does make me feel better. It will explain what to do when. No beating around the bush with this book. That is why I like it so much.<p>Right now just be your WS friend and listen to her. It really helps them to vent and get it off their chest. You can deal with it when it is on the table but when you keep it in is when it does us no good.<p>Tell you wife your feeling and keep things in the I mode. Do not create demands on her. No judgements. Listen to what she says even if you don't know what to say. Tell her you are there for her and will always be there for her.<p>I have found it easier to look ahead than looking back. <p>Stay strong. It does get better and you can have a wonderful marriage. Don't lose sight of the goal. To be in love with each other.<p>
SLH

Hi there!<p>I say if you're having discussions, you are making progress.If her A is over you can make much progress.
Have you studied the principals listed in this website?
Sounds like you've reacted very good-non-judgemental and all.
Keep reading and studying all you can learn on this subject.
Be good to your wife, but remember to take care of yourself too. This is sooo important!
Good luck!