h has left again and is living w ow.he claims that is where he wanted to be.and only came back to prove to his family that we wouldn't work out.<p>meanwhile he had ow believing he was staying at aunt's house to be closer to our daughter.when everything exploded.he told ow story of how he came back to prove a point to his family.but never told her he had been w me at home for 6 wks.i did call her and tell her everything.how he stayed at our house on the wkends and has been intimate w me since april and how he was planning a trip for me him and our daughter in nov.she told me he was trying to get her pregnant.don't know why he barely pays attention to child we have.

after all that she still let him move back in with her.he has cheated on me since marriage began so i know a divorce is the only solution.part of me hates him and part of me still loves him.i don't know how after we three wayed him on the phone and he denied everything and said i was making that up to get back at him for why he came back.his clothes are still in my house.i haven't seen or spoken to him since sunday.he is busy being a "wonderful boyfriend"to ow.our daughter's bday is on thanksgiving.he hasn't even made an attempt to see or speak to her.<p>says he wants a divorce and he doesn't love me.so i know we need to just get it over and done with.so i start the divorce or let him do it?he has lied forever i could never believe anything he says.and why hasn't he come for his stuff its been four days already.if he wanted to be w ow why was he sleeping in same bed w me if he had no feelings for me.why did he start counseling w me.plan a family trip? and he kept on saying he was coming home for months. if that wasn't how he really felt.why would you intentionally hurt me and our daughter to prove a point to his family b/c they were harassing him? <p>isn't that crazy?part of me thinks that is a lie and the fog might have been to thick and he just ran again and now wants to just make things final.<p>besides he can't keep moving from house to house.
one minute here and one minute with her.some clothes here and some there. <p>divorce is in the works <p>pls respond.
he has been cheating since we got married so its time to end the nonsense
i am hurt to think after 10yrs someone could be so decietful and think nothing of it and just move back in with ow and live his life just like that.<p>now he is just making nicey nicey w her and later for me and our child b/c he doesn't want anything to do with me told me i think we need to just move on. <p>what do you say behind all of this.

leftalone,
As my mom said about A - you know your WS better than anyone else, whatever choice you have to make you are the one who have to live in it. <p>However I have a question to you. Have you read MB concept ? specially plan A/B ?. My advice is that you stop on looking at H and concentrate on yourself. Have a good plan A, no LB, understand H's EN and put time limit on this. The limit for me personaly is when I feel I am addressing all the issue that WS has within my power and WS still in la-la-land. You know when you have to move to plan B, it is a scary choice and at the point of no return. If WS still in la-la-land after plan B... do plan C ... (move on and never look back). Bring your best to other who will cherish and caring your best. You do plan A for yourself such that when you have to move on you know you have done your absolute best and no regret to move on.<p>This is my 2¢ [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

hey redhat<p>i did plan a for a short time but how do you continue to plan a when someone tells you they don't love you.that the feeling is gone?why would you continue to plan a?i sent him cards/emails/phone called him during the day and he was still not feeling love for me.i am not gonna sit and be a fool.especially since i knew ow was still in the picture and he has cheated on me early in our marriage.i thought i knew my ws but after pulling a stunt like that i feel like he is a stranger.i don't think he even knows himself at this point.plan b is the only way to go he said he wants a divorce and i haven't spoke to him in days he made me look like a fool.denied everything that has happened btwn us in the last months.ran back to ow so where does that leave me.i am working on just moving on and when i get ready i will follow throught with the divorce.his ego is too big and even if he realizes he is wrong he will never come back and apologize and work with me.he has lied for yrs now he is just a liar and a cheat.so plan b is all we have.he will never turn around and try to be a husband or anything else for me.i am taking my child and moving forward it hurts but i'll be ok<p>anybody have any input????

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by leftalone:
<strong>i did plan a for a short time but how do you continue to plan a when someone tells you they don't love you.that the feeling is gone?why would you continue to plan a?</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Plan A is so misunderstood -- it frustrates me sometimes.<p>Plan A is used *most often* (in the context of saving a marriage) DURING THE AFFAIR. "A short time" of Plan A *usually* will not cut it (although we've seen it happen). The average length of a Plan A effort is 18 months. That is because *most* affairs end within 2 years of them being found out (what's called "the light of day" or "DD - Discovery Day). <p>Have you read the concepts here at MB?? Here's a copy of our welcome letter, and there are some red, underlined links. Please read them... study them... live them... pay particular attention to Plan A and B, Love Busters (LB's) and Emotional Needs (EN's)...<p>Hello [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] and Welcome to Marriage Builders!<p>First, I would like to share two links with you. Just click on the underlined links here, and read –>Tour of Marriage Builders and General Welcome. <p>Please read everything you can on this site, post and read often!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I have been betrayed and betrayer, so I have the dubious honor of knowing what infidelity does from BOTH SIDES of the situation. <p>I believe in the concepts espoused here, if applied properly. One idea that has worked *wonders* for some couples is Plan A. Read about it here –>What Are Plan A and Plan B.<p>Use what you learn here to make your marriage a safe place where you do your best to meet the Emotional Needs of your spouse,and avoid Love Busters whenever possible. . When a decision must be made, use the POJA to determine the final outcome that you can both agree upon.<p>Many couples find that counseling is VERY helpful, and the counseling provided here is excellent for several reasons; but the most important is that it goes along with the concepts here. Check it out here –> Counsel Link<p>Again, welcome to our community, and feel free to write often and ask lots of questions!

left<p>I plan Aed my WH for 4 months while the A was going on. It was hard but I would tell myself I was doing it for me.<p>He kept telling me he did not love me and that he was leaving. (never did).<p>Now I do believe the A has died. (OW dumped WH for OM) ouch. <p>Try a good plan A and no LB. In time I think the A will die.<p>Stay strong and take care of yourself.<p>
SLH

left<p>I plan Aed my WH for 4 months while the A was going on. It was hard but I would tell myself I was doing it for me.<p>He kept telling me he did not love me and that he was leaving. (never did).<p>Now I do believe the A has died. (OW dumped WH for OM) ouch. <p>Try a good plan A and no LB. In time I think the A will die.<p>Stay strong and take care of yourself.<p>
SLH

Left, listen to the reply above, it is not over until you call it over. Revisit & re-educate your self about MB. My WW stay 2 out of 7 night a week, comes and goes as she like. I am sole bread winner, have to be skater's dad and also as an handyman for the apt. units that she wants to keep it for herself. She still wants a D and told OM that we are just wating for refi. to buy me out. She say even worst than your H told you. Now WHY ON EARTH I TAKE THIS ?. For my piece of sanity in the future that I could say "I do what humanly possible to save my M" and for myself to fix whatever WW saw my "holes" that might destroy my future M.<p>Meanwhile you could vent here, cry here, share your pain and joy ... we are cyber family try to hang together to ride this storm.