I recently found that my wife was having and affair and had another 3 years ago. Prior to finding out noticed a change in her when she received phone calls. She would received them on her cell phone at home and rush into another room. When I came into the room her responces on the phone would only be yea, no, & okay. This was strange conduct to me so I decided to look into this. I had our cell phones cut off and I told her that I forgot to pay the bill. She became extreemly upset because she could not use her phone. Now she had to receive phone calls on the home phone. Now when she received a call I'd listen on the other phone without her knowing. On the very first call I listened on she was talking to another man about this 21 year old she was having an affair with(She is 31) and compairing this to the affair they had a few years ago. I nearly passed out when I heard this. I couldn't understand why. They went on to discuss the date her and the 21 year old were going out on Saturday. She then told the guy she was on the phone with that she'd like to spend the night with him Sunday, since her husband (me) worked at night he'd never she left home. Now I am very upset and thinking of my wife as a cheap hooker. Especially when we normally had sex when I came home form work in the morning. I discovered a person who I never knew over the 11 years we have been married. Someone I felt was so evil and a out right lier. Once I confronted her she denied everything until I told her I heard the conversation. She finally addmitted everything. I was angry but felt we could talk through this and move on. I asked her to called this guy and tell I was aware and their relationship could not continue. Which she did. She later told me that she loved me and if I loved her I would let her continue her outside relationship. This I could not agree to and was very upset that she could even ask this of me. Now 6 weeks later we have tried to move on. I am trying very hard to go out of my way to please her and restore our marriage. But I am receiving the same responce from her. She acts as if what occured was no big thing and goes about life as normal. During the past two weeks it appeared that things were taking a step for the better. I then heard her talking on the phone again with a different guy and one of her girlfriends. They were talking about her going out last night when she told me she was at home with the kids. She also questioned how her love was doing (the 21 year old)? Her and her girlfriend talked about how they lied and teased men in this night club that they frequently visit. <p>I truly love my wife and want to spend the rest of my life with her but want this nonsence to stop. She tells me she loves me but wants the freedom to go out anytine she pleases without me questioning her. At thi point I am having a hard time with this. She tells me that I have a problem and I need help. I am seeking counseling but she will not go insisting she does not have a problem only me. I can't get her to understand that we need to work on this togeather to restore our marraige. I try to tell her how I feel and she steers the conversation towards an arguement. I am trying not to listen to her conversation but find myself doing ti anyway. I feel alone and lonely when she is not around. I hate her on minute and love the next. At this point I am lost and confused and would like some feedback on what avenues I can take to get her involved and make her understand that this problem is the both of ours and not just mine.

Dear if,
I'm so sorry you're going through the terrible devastation that an A causes. I welcome you to MB. This site will help you more than you know. Please go to the "Just Found Out" forum, and read the thread for newcomers. Read all you can on the site regarding infidelity. You need to know that no matter what your W is saying to you, her behavior is WRONG and unacceptable behavior for someone who is married and claims to want to stay married. Read all you can about Plans A and B. Plan A is about trying lovingly to explain to your spouse that you want to work on the marriage, that you will work to change the behaviors that led the spouse to seek love elsewhere, but that contact with the OP needs to stop. If after trying to work on Plan A for some time, you find your love for your spouse is becoming less and less, it becomes necessary to go to Plan B (no contact between you and your spouse) to preserve what love you have left for them. Right now your W is perfectly content to have her cake and eat it too. I feel so badly for you as she is treating you (and your children) with total disrespect. All of us here have been in this situation in one phase or another. Please read and post and get as much information from this site as you need. My prayers go out to you.<p>MOM

I Discovered my WS's two A's by recording her phone conversation with the OM's. Since, I have recorded conversations two other times. One of the two conversations I found she was speaking to different OM (this is the third). He asked her quesions such as if he could kiss her the next time he saw her. Her responce was, "maybe, we will see when the time comes". Though no harm was done there was still the intent. When confronted she totally placeed blame on me and said, I was wrong, completly avoiding any questions reguarding kissing the OM. Since we have been working on restoring our M. Everytime she is on the phone I fear it is the OM she is talking to. I recorded a conversation she had last night but haven't listened to it. I feel like I need to listen to this to assure myself that the OM's are out of her life. But also I am scared to find something I fear. My question to you all is should I listen to this conversation or should I just continue working on the M and ignore any conversations my WS may have? Also since this is the possible third OM is this really EN's that aren't met by me or does she have deeper problems which aren't related me or our M? If anybody has suggestions or ideas please advise me. My ears are wide open.<p>Thank You All Very Much [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi, <p>I just posted to you on your 'help' thread. Please let me know your thoughts. <p>Thanks,
L.