I was looking for some sewing supplies this evening and I found a page from WS' current journal (which she'd torn out, but saved). On the page were two poems about me. I'd like to share them with anyone who cares. I just don't understand how she can write such beautiful things about me no more than 8 months ago, and then be where we are now.<p>Date unknown:<p>Kevin
good cook, great baker
gentle hands; gentle heart
amazingly smart
patient - most of the time
loyal to those who deserve it
helpful to those who need it
inquisitive
closet policeman & teacher
stubborn
snuggler
cat lover
baby magnet
encourager
good friend
handy<p>
Nice and true, I have been all those things, though not for some time. Here's the second one, written shortly after my father died.<p>3/24/01<p>Missing your Dad<p>As you held me
I couldn't tell if they
were your tears or mine
and though I'm sad
that you're sad,
I love that our sadness,
love, and even tears
are as one.
That is how we go on.<p>I can't even read it without sobbing.<p>I called her to tell her that that is the most beautiful thing that I think anyone has ever said to or about me. But who do you suppose answered the phone, OM. I let it slide and asked for Jill. I told her what I thought of the poem and all she could talk about is me threatening OM (see my other post of this morning for the details - Caught them together, now what?).<p>Why can't she see what she's doing to me. I don't think I can carry on like this. I'm begging God to bring her clarity and for her to realize that this is wrong. I wouldn't be so arrogant as to ask that God make us right, only that we have strength, patience, clarity, compassion, and love enough for one another to at least EXPLORE what we're doing to each other. I feel so helpless and hopeless.<p>Just one bad day on top of another. I guess I just stay the course and do what's right for me and pray to find some way to carry on without her. I don't know how to do that.<p>K

Kevco,<p>The woman who wrote that poem is not the same one you just spoke with. Same body, scent, voice but totally different personality. If you could get the woman who wrote those poems back, would you? <p>L.<p>[ November 04, 2001: Message edited by: Orchid ]</p>

I would gladly give my life to get that woman back for the briefest of moments.<p>K

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by kevco-:
<strong>I would gladly give my life to get that woman back for the briefest of moments.<p>K</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Your best bet is no LB, focus on your plan A ... you might get her back forever. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

That person who wrote those beautiful words about you is still there... only hidden in a dense fog.<p>On almost any other day, your call to thank her for those thoughts (even though they were from 8 months ago) would have most likely deposited love units into her account. However, she is unable to allow that right now. She's fuming at the other night, and cannot see through her anger towards you for that right now.<p>Consider this to be YOUR slap in the face for committing a mega LB. Can you see how much YOUR ACTIONS are affecting HER REACTIONS? Isn't that enough to keep you from LBing the same in the future?<p>You need a few days to calm down some. Your W needs the same thing. Keep on venting on here though. If MB works for you like it does for me (and many many others)... it'll keep you sane when you continue to read and post.<p>Karen

I was touched when I read those poems, too.<p>It doesn't do any good to tell her how you're feeling right now. She's going to use all opportunities to lash out at you. Save these thoughts for when she comes out of the fog. Hold onto them to remember who you're waiting for.<p>Jeffers