Well, I've had about 36 hours for it to sink in after she told me she filed. I guess I should start getting my ducks in a row, so to speak. It's time to sever our financial ties. I plan on cancelling our joint credit card accounts, closing our savings/checking accounts and asking my W to start depositing her paychecks into her own account, as will I. We can work out an arrangement on paying our common bills. I also intend on getting the house appraised so we can get it ready to sell.<p>I don't know, should I be doing this or let her do it since she wants the divorce? Maybe I should wait until I actually get served the papers. Any thoughts??? <p>sad dad

just my 2 cents. I'll be anxious to see the other responses.<p>Wait until you get the papers, but then do it. I guess to.... just to sorta stand your ground that you don't want the divorce. But, you might keep your eye on all those things in the meantime, and be ready to do it after you get the papers.<p>[ November 11, 2001: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

faith,<p>You're probably right that I should wait until the papers are served. But I think severing the financial ties will be the first dose of reality. <p>sad dad

sad dad---did you ask this in divorce/divorcing forum as well? I'm figuring there are people there who have been through this who could give you 'experienced' advice.<p>I'm sorry you have to go through this...but my first thought is to go slowly and to make no decisions fast...

just my opinion, but before any damage can be done to your credit rating, you need to get your financial end arranged to suit you. This is very important for your future. That doesn't mean things can't change, but it does get reality moving into the picture.<p>Debbie

sad dad,<p>my 2 cents are: protect yourself. Don't let her take you to the cleaners - if she's filing it's time you started making your own life. <p>If you sever the ties, it's you who's in control. And she'll take note.<p>take care,<p>- Freddy

sad - I'd start now - before papers are served. The reason is to protect yourself financially. It could very well be an LB, but now is the time to start showing the consequences of certain decisions.<p>Perhaps think of this as "business" instead of relationship issues. That said, everything you do is reversible - just as is filing for divorce because it can always be stopped up until the very end.<p>Specifically, I'd not cancel your joint accounts of assets, just open individual ones for you and transfer half of the liquid assets to it.<p>Do secure jointly held credit cards (or other debt accounts) such that further charges are prohibited, but not before telling her what you're doing and giving her a chance to open ones for herself. The point here is NOT to do anything under the table - tell her what you're planning to do and give her a chance to take care of herself without getting any surprises. Otherwise any LBs will be greatly magnified.<p>If you haven't done so already, see an attorney about all the legal aspects of this stuff.

hehe... like I said. Do it now. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Told ya I was anxious to see what everyone else said. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

Thanks to all who replied. I'll discuss it with her tonight. Time for reality to slowly start creeping in.<p>sad dad

I spoke to my W about severing the financial ties.
She was in agreement. I told her I would cancel our credit cards, except one for each of us to use until we can get individual ones. I also suggested she deposit her next paycheck into her own checking account. I'll do the same. Whoever pays the bills will get a check for half from the other.<p>I also told her I would set up an appointment with a real estate appraiser so we can prepare to sell the house. This will be hard because once we sell the house it will be difficult to turn back, but we need to do this. I need to be away from her. It will remove me from a painful situation
and I can begin plan B. It scares me though because it will give her the freedom to be with OM (if he's still in the picture, and I'm sure he is). But maybe she needs that freedom to see if what they have is real. If nothing else, it will give her a glimpse of reality. She'll see the affect this will have on our daughter and find out what life is like without me. Hopefully it won't be as rosy as she thinks.<p>sad dad