Hello everyone! I realize I haven't posted in a LONG while, but I was getting addicted to this site, and it was interfering with my job. I had to get a hold of myself to learn to cope with my situation. So much has happened to me in such a short time that I was headed down a cliff fast, and without brakes.<p>A brief (well, maybe not brief) history. Married 12, almost 13, years; 3 children (now 11, 9, and 8 mos. - all boys); D-Day was before I had my baby in March (don't know exact date);H moved out 3/29;H said he wanted a divorce 2 wks later;5/13 H said he would reconsider;1 week later H said he wanted a D;5/29 H said he would reconsider - noticed changes, esp. my weight;H was showing genuine interest until the end of July. One weekend he disappeared for the whole weekend without so much as a phone call. Curious thing was that it was the very weekend my now ex-best friend went out of town. I guess you can all see where this is going.<p>You see, H and ex-best friend have been accused for the last, oh, 8 or 9 months of having something going on. My ex-best friend is my husband's brother's ex-live-in girlfriend. It gets really messy. She also has two sons by one of her two previous marriages.<p>Well, after H got back from his weekend, his attitude completely changed again. He was stand-offish with me. The REALLY funny thing is that he didn't show up until my friend showed up, and he went directly to her house, and didn't even check on the kids. Oh, but I'm not supposed to think there's something wrong with that. He began acting very weird about us, and even had me convinced to move out of my rental house. I had been praying to God for his guidance with my marriage and with finances. We were really in a hole. Well, my H had knee surgery on 9/5. I went with him to the hospital, but he wanted my friend to take him and not me. He said I wouldn't quit pushing. I insisted on being there. After the surgery, I assumed he would stay at my house so the kids and I could care for him. Well, on the way home he informed me that he would be staying at my friend's house. I pretty much pitched a fit, needless to say. My friend claimed she knew nothing of it, and that she would not let him stay there, but she never made him leave.<p>The very next day, I went to see him in the early AM. He was sleeping in her bed, not with her of course. Still, I tried to trust her, and believe that they would not do that to me. My H told me that day he wanted a divorce. It got very ugly. I even slapped him - with his permission of course. I guess he felt like he deserved it. I've never hit anyone in the face like that before, but at that moment I hated him. I still don't feel very good about him. He moved his things out that weekend. It hurt, I cried, my kids cried. I felt like I lost everything. I wanted to die. Just curl up in a hole and die.<p>My friend acted supportive. She said everything would work out. She said she was there for me. She didn't understand why I didn't want him around her. I told her that we could not be friends if he was going to be there all the time. I black-mailed him into staying away. That worked for a week. The weekend he had my son (oldest wouldn't go, and I wouldn't let the baby go), she went to the movies with him, my son, and her two sons. My son said she didn't sit by him. But it didn't matter. At that point, I realized she was not my friend if she couldn't even respect my feelings. I told my H that I didn't need a friend like that. He ran to tell her.<p>My H filed for divorce based on irreconciliable differences, and I was served the day before I was supposed to go to Georgia for a religious retreat with my kids. He had it stipulated that I could not take them out of town. I called him and asked him what else he wanted to do to hurt me. I asked to please just warn me now so I could be prepared. I contacted a lawyer the next morning. I counter-filed based on adultery. My lawyer contacted his lawyer, and they agreed to let me go. We went to our first court date 10/12. My H got standard visitation for the two older boys, and standard infant visitation for the baby. He sees the older boys on Th from 6-8, and every other weekend. He sees the baby on Th from 6-8 and on Sundays from 2-6. My oldest son went with him once, but hasn't gone with him since. He says he hates him. <p>You see, now my H is living with my ex-best friend. He says he had nowhere else to go. H has five brothers that live here. They said he didn't even ask them. H says there is nothing going on with him and ex-bf, but her son told my middle son (they are the same age) that he walked in on them and they were on top of each other with their clothes on, but it looked like they were getting "freaky". He also told him that he saw them hold hands once. My H denied this to his sons. Middle son wants to believe him, but oldest son does not believe him. Neither do I anymore. H said that it was a fib.<p>I had a long conversation with H the other night re: what it would take to move the D along. I told him all he had to do was pay me the money he owes me for leaving me without giving me a dime for a month, and not paying his 1/2 of the bills. He owes me $3000 for a CC bill, and needs to start paying 1/2 of our furniture payment, and 1/2 of the IRS bill. He is considering it. I told him if we went to court for this, the judge would probably make him pay more than 1/2, since I am caring for the baby.<p>My H continues to lie to his sons. I tried so hard to trust my friend, but I now feel betrayed. I feel like there is something going on, and there probably has been all along.<p>My divorce is in the process, and we still have to go to co-parenting classes together. <p>Strangely enough, I have many better days now, and I can actually sleep at night. I couldn't sleep when I was in limbo, but now I can. I've accepted that my marriage is over, and unless God intervenes, I am moving on. I have asked God not to bring anyone in my life if he intends for us to ever be together again. I've also prayed about the temptation that I've had to be with his brother as a means of revenge. His brother would like to get revenge as well, but they probably wouldn't care, and frankly, I don't want to end up hating myself. I've asked God to help me resist temptations with other men because right now I am weak and lonely, and if just to have someone hold me for one night - I might do anything.<p>I hope everything is going well for each of you. Please pray for me.<p>Love,
TIG

Just wanted to chime in and say that I am praying for you, and it sounds like you are doing your best to piece your life back together...like all of us. The most important thing is I know about the ex-friend's. That is how/why my H left me, for an ex-BF who was just his "friend". A friend he snuck around with behind my back, a friend who he chose to remain friends with instead of remaining with me. Her story seems the same, she was just trying to be his friend, she wasn't trying to hurt me, she didn't want this to happen. Then she played the martyr, she just wanted him happy, he deserves the best.<p>Needless to say she is now an ex-friend AND an ex-surrogate daughter to my mother (and her children have subsequently lost a quasi-grandma because of all this). But one thing I have decided for myselfin all of this, before I might have called her my BF (she was actually more like a sister the way our families are so close). She is not my ex-BF, a Best Friend would never even consider this, so if she has done this, she was lying to me the whole time and was never truly a friend. I feel so had, and continue to because although H seems to waffle, she keeps him with her, even through her altruisitc sounding "I try to help him figure out how to work through the problems and get his marriage back." The horrible things I think of her. (can't be typed here for fear of prosecution- [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] that was a joke BTW!)<p>Everyone tells me to blame him, not her...but I don't see that. Yes, blame him, but she was a friend...friends don't behave like that, she is more to blame than a stranger, she knew exactly what she was doing and knew the knife turned deeper because it was her.<p>OK, so after a little jaunt into my bitterness, I just wanted to say that I know where you are coming from and as sick as it sounds, it comforts me that I am not the only one who was sucked in to a friend that could do this to someone. I wanted you to know that you weren't alone in this extra added betrayal that is a bonus to our marriage issues [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] (that would be a sick sadistic smilie if there was one)<p>Best of luck, be strong [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

BJoanne,<p>Thanks for responding. I too am comforted that I am not the only one that was "had" by a "friend". You're right. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but it is nice to have someone that understands. This is much worse than not knowing the person. You are not only betrayed once, but twice.<p>If you need someone to talk to, just email me at spizana@prodigy.net.<p>God bless you!
TIG

Bumping in case anyone has words of encouragement...TIG

Dear TiG,
You are sooo right to resist the temptation to be with the brother just for the sake of being physically held by a man for one night. Don't do it! You absolutely will regret it as it would be a rebound AND revenge situation... <p>The enemy comes with temptation like a billboard--bigger than life and looks really great, but behind it is a heap of trouble! Don't take the bait. Temptation doesn't give you the whole picture. It does sound to me tho, as if you have enough of God's wisdom to think ahead. That's so important. Keep that perspective.<p>We can choose our acts but not the consequences. Make a choice that will bring a good result. Hang in there, as this cannot be an easy situation to be in. My thoughts and prayers are with you.