When H came over last night, he felt like a stranger. I don't know anything about his day. Should I ask? When I used to ask, he'd say, don't worry about it. <p>I only know about the things he used to tell me about...should I attempt to maintain a friendship or not? Or does letting go also include some level of "drifting apart"?<p>Do they feel sad about this or do they even notice?

Terrified,<p>I think that the feeling like a stranger part is part of it all. When you don't know how someone is spending theirs days (or nights), or what they are thinking, wanting out of life it puts distance between you. I don't know how my H felt about the distance. I think it was one of the things that helped to cause the break down of our marriage. I guess how you respond should be determined by what it is that you want. Are you doing plan A or are you ready to let go of the marriage? I know that the decision to just let it go isn't an easy one to make. Just decide what you want and work on that. I have saw big changes in my H since I started reading MB and trying to follow the Plan A guidelines. I'm working on me and how I respond to him and it's made a difference. Anyway, just wanted you to know someone was out here.

Yes it is quite normal. Very Unfortunately.<p>I read your post on H angry outburst in front of Daughter. So I would have to say "No" don't ask him how his day is. Have you read up on Plan A and Plan B? Where are you in this?<p>Right now I don't think he notices. He is in the fog. He is self centered and selfish and does not see what he is doing to you and your Daughter.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Terrified:
<strong>When I used to ask, he'd say, don't worry about it.
should I attempt to maintain a friendship or not? Or does letting go also include some level of "drifting apart"?
Do they feel sad about this or do they even notice?</strong><hr></blockquote>
T
erri,
I have not read your recent post to learn of the blow up thing in front of your D?!
It does not sound like he was very open before -- like you & he were perhaps a little dis-connected before? I know I was with my WS!
Try to keep in perpsective that our WS's actions were very clearly acts of dis-connection & self-centered attitudes & logically there should be some consequences felt -- Does he act like he feels any remorse?
I don't think you should feel obliged to be the one to take any big initative to patch things up. You don't want to be mean or anything, but IMHO, you don't want to "suck-up" to him, my God, he showed the uptmost in disrespect --If anything, he owes you big time apoligies!! Perhaps he has.<p>I believe for right now the least contact and or words the better -- I believe it is his move to make up -- Plan B, should be your plan. Dobson's Book might help.
Yes, of course you feel disconnected -- he trashed your life as you knew it -- it is very natural for you to feel bad -- It's not your fault though --
Like everyone says, He is fogged in -- perhaps he can't help it -- but you can't help him either, it has to be his choice.
I would consider a Plan B type of letter to him.
It sounds to me that he needs to wake up & smell the Roses -- perhaps the letter will help, but you can't control outcome.
Stay focused on yourself!
Best Of Luck!
HH