Have been married 16 years. Briefly, DD re H's EA was 9/15; said they were in love, no hope for our marriage, but would go to MC that we had seen last spring. I found out why OW had been fired from job where she met him (embezzling); told him and said I thought she was using him for $$$ (he had paid a couple of bills for her from his private account). She's married. He agreed to stay in counseling if for no other reason than we could part on a civilized basis as we have 13 yo D.<p>Two weeks later, found out he'd had a PA almost 5 years ago. Already knew about another EA almost 4 years ago. <p>He works out of town during week. I was so angry, told him not to come home for the better part of the next month. Finally calmed down, and we began having mostly peaceful, almost fun weekends as family. He hates talking about EA; according to him, he's now wondering "how he got tangled up in this mess" as she's just using him as a crying towel since no one in her family will listed to her anymore. I still think she's trying to get more $$$ from him. Says he hasn't seen her lately, but talks to her when she calls. Says he has no plans with her, but becomes angry when I ask any questions about the EA or her. I asked him if this was still "the love of his life," and he took a long time to say no.<p>Two weeks ago, he e-mails me after really nice weekend with "I am having a feeling that I'm in that state of dreaming/consciousness that you sometimes notice of me first thing in the morning....But I have the distinct impression that you & I can become very centered and happy if we just don't give up on each other right now. Whatever that means, I will not ever leave you behind if I feel that we are both growing."<p>I interpreted this to mean that perhaps the fog was lifting and, if I just kept A'ing like crazy, he'd agree to go back to the MC and we could work on a reconciliation. For two weeks, he didn't correct me.<p>Then comes home last night and says he just meant that he wouldn't cut off all contact with me and still saw no hope for the marriage and would not go back to MC. Threatens to leave the house if I bring up any relationship issues or OW.<p>Am going to a divorce workshop next week given by the local women's commission. Keep all those options open. Am putting up with the weekend thing because (a) in case there is hope when the fog lifts --- if ever, and (b) it's cheaper as he's stil paying a lot of the bills and I'm able to save money (crass, I know).<p>Is this part of the roller coaster through the fog stuff or am I in denial? This is very much like the last EA, only more drawn out as they don't spend as much time together as he did with the last OW). ANY advice would not only be appreciated but would help me feel like I'm not so alone right now. (The meds are helping but the roller coaster is making me so sick).<p>
What I'm really afraid of is his ADD. New is always best, and I think he's really in love with infatuation. Everytime life is being harsh with him, he finds some quick fix to make him feel better. Now that he is a friend of Bill (AA), is this his new drug of choice? Is anyone else out there married to an ADD?<p>If this doesn't change, am thinking Plan B after the holidays (I don't want to ruin my D's fun).<p>A few words please.

LindyL,<p>You should not bring A at all unless H initiate it and it seems an LB to H. You should stop it. H is still in the fog and will comes out of it once in a while. You have a long way to go with plan A. Have you go through ...<p>General Welcome for All New Builders: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=29&t=000553 <p>Acronyms, Smilies, UBB Codes: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=29&t=000557<p>Re-look again about plan A. It is all about you and non about H. No expectation in return and do not think plan A will change your H. It is all about you.<p>Good luck

My husband has ADD and to me it seems like he always just wants to do what is easiest at the time. After his A, I plan Aed to death and never gave up and it was what eventually kept us together. Don't get me wrong, we still have a long way to go until total recovery. If I would have given up, it would have been easy for him to "run of into the sunset" with the OW. He admitted to me that because I never gave up on him is why he came home. He realized that I was not going to make it easy for him to leave.<p>We also have a 14yr-D and 10yr-S. If you can continue to plan A, I think it's for the best! Nothing will start to get better until he breaks off all contact with the OW! And that means FOREVER! This has to be his decision and it won't be easy! When my husband made the decision to never contact the OW again, he was extremely depressed and hard to live with for 6 weeks. After that the fog lifted and the last 3 weeks have been great! He is telling me that he loves me and wants to be with me! I haven't heard that for over 7 months!<p>Hang in there and we are all here for support! If you haven't read SAA, I highly suggest it! I read it 3 times and now we are reading it together.<p>Lotsa Sunshine!<p>Le