Dear friends, This is a problem that I did not tell you about in the last letter. That 18 yr old is not near a problem anymore also she is leaving in about 6 weeks. This is a problem that I really don't know what to think or do about. My husband is addicted to porn. He has hundreds of video tapes and hundreds of magazines. I of course just recently found out and found out that I believe it has gotten worse over the last year. We have been living together for 8 1/2 years and married for 2 1/2 years. We have not had sex for about a year. I believe that he thought I was being a nag and or a (b). We had it out last night and he said that he did not want to try to save our marriage. I had been reading a lot of the doctors stuff here on this site and was willing to try to make things right. He has decided that he is a "dirty rotten scoundrel". I have never called him that, he thought of that himself. He thinks that perhaps he is not made to be married. He was married before once as was I. He says that is perhaps why he got divorced before is that he is not a giving enough person to be married. Even though I as you might think that he is saying all this stuff just to get rid of me but after a few conversations similar to this I think that he is telling the truth. He says that he does not want to hurt me anymore thatI am "too good" a person to be getting hurt all the time. He thinks that he doesn't want to change at all to be whatever it is I want him to be. I said that I would try to be nicer and he thinks it probably wouldn't last for more than a day. He thinks that marriages and relationships can just be gotten rid of if necessary. Well I kept saying that practically 10 yrs was enough to try to make things right again. He thinks that it is just the way he is and that he can't change. He is very successful at his job and business and gets a lot of respect for that and otherwise he says he is basicallly a loner. Well I guess I am willing to put up with his way that he is as I have for this long. I do still love him and he says he still loves me. I think there is hope and I am willing to try very hard to keep things peaceful. My question-sorry for the long letter: What is with porn? I just don't know and I have not been able to read about it yet on the internet. My access to a compter is limited. Will someone write back and let me know about porn addiction and is it possible to have a somewhat normal marriage in spite of it? I just don't know. Just to let you know, he is not mean to me or anything like that at all. Thank you for listening. Wheat [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

I just wanted to let you know that I think this is not so uncommon for men. My husband is also fascinated with porn and it took quite a toll on our marriage. Because of it, I lost interest in sex and this led to his having an affair. I have since learned to accept it and realize that I don't have to like it. I knew before we were married that he liked the stuff and never said anything for a couple of years. I have learned that it is not fair for me to expect him to change. I have also learned that it was a huge misconception of mine that he was interested in porn because he wasn't interested in me. I thought that I was just being used for sexual relief after porn turned him on. Through counseling and his honesty, I have changed the way I feel and have learned to accept it without being hurt! Now it seems like since he can be open with it rather than hiding it from me, he is becoming less interested! Maybe it was the secrecy that was the turn on?!<p>I don't know if this was much help, but I wanted to let you know that I went from hating it and feeling threatened to being able to accept it as part of the man I love!<p>Le

Wheat,
Most "normal" men seeks porn to easy SF fantasy.<p>
Keep the answer to your self, just a thought ...<p>How is SF according to your H ?. Did H feel inferior in bed ?. Have you check up on men sexuality ?.<p>I think it is still wrong for H to have porn ... and it is wrong to accepting it (will eat up LB$$$). How about W starts looking at porn too (reverse psych.) ... I bet it will turn H off completely.

Dear friends, Thank you red hat and moving forward for writing me back. I will take into condsideration what you have said. I am hoping for the best. I bought one of Dr Hadleys books yesterday. Maybe I can get my husbacd to read it. There is also one more problem that will be another topic. Thank you for listening. Sincerely, Wheat