I am beginning to think I did go into Plan B too early. What do I do now though- I have already given him the letter and have enforced the no contact rule for a week (that is the worst). <p>I am going to explain the situation a little- I would love feedback. We first separated because husband was confused. At that point, didn't really put together EA with co-worker, although it now makes sense. We separated for two months, and then I went to him and said that we had too much to just throw it all away. We began to date again. I hadn't yet discovered MB, so I did occasionally LB. This happened the two times I caught him in a lie- I hate liars, and both times they involved her! But, for the most part, I would consider it a very successful Plan A (especially without having had the benefit of MB). <p>H was off of work for a week and things were going so well. We had even decided that he would come back to our home on November 1. Things were great. But, when he returned to work, he started acting weird. Still wanted to come over to our home, but was depressed. Then it hit me, he had feelings for OW- a co-worker. I confronted him and even said I could live with "feelings" if he would commit 100% to making our marriage work and stop contact with OW. He couldn't give me the 100% and so we mutually decided we were done. I then called OW and discovered that it was also a PA (tricked her into revealing this). At first, H couldn't even admit this too me. He was devastated- to this day he gets sick every morning (according to his mother). He finally told me the truth (at least I think so) and according to him, the PA didn't begin until we were separated and only happend twice. However, he was definitely having an EA. In his mind they were, "Just good friends." H was trying to find another job though- he definitely wanted us to work, but, after I discovered everything I think he felt too much guilt about EA/PA. <p>Anyway, the day he finally told me the truth I made it clear that as long as he was with her, he couldn't be with me. I told him I needed to distance myself in the mean time. So, we have had very little contact since then.<p>Then, a little over a week ago I sent him the Plan B letter. He knows that I love him, realize I made lots of mistakes (we were only married a year and I now realize I was often condenscending to him), and will get back together with him if he finds a new job and cuts ties with OW. <p>Now all I want to do is call him. I haven't yet, but I so want to. Yet, I also think (and my friends are adamant about this) that it is now upto him to contact me. As some would say, "the ball is in his court."<p>I just don't know if H has the guts to reconcile- I know he loves me and has never stopped loving me (his words) but I think he believes that he messed up so bad that there is no turning back. I have a very close knit family and group of friends, and I don't know if he could ever face them again. I am afraid this is what is keeping him away. <p>I am also afraid that I did begin Plan B too quickly. He was obviously confused about many things- how this could happen to us so quickly in our marrige (we dated five wonderful years prior to marriage- he never cheated) and I forced him to make a decision. In some ways, I think he wanted me to end things- easier that way.<p>In the time we have been apart, he has yet to come to me and even say anything about wanting us to try again. Actually, after I found out about OW, there wasn't even a discussion about us being together, as we had already decided to end things before I even learned of the PA. I am so confused, I don't know what to do. Did I start Plan B too early? Is it too late to go back? He already has the letter- won't it look awful and make him think less of me if I then disregard everything I said in the letter. Should I wait for him to contact me? Is it okay to call his mother to see how things are going (we have a close relationship). This is awful. <p>I feel like I should hate him and want to get angry- yet I don't. I defend him- everyone I know hates him at this point. They just hate to see me hurting like I am. <p>How about if I write him an occasional letter discussing things other than our marriage. Before we began dating, I met him and two days later left the country for a little less than a year. Thus, we formed a relationship via snail mail. We didn't begin dating until after I returned, but a relationship had definitely formed. Should I try this route again, or will this just mess up my Plan B? (I have read Dr. Hanley's book and know he would say not to do this).<p>Sorry this is so long- I am just so confused and unsure of what I have done/am doing. <p>AS
