I am a MW of 13 years. My affair of 18 months with a MM just ended. Although I am the WS, I can sympathize greatly with the BS's of the forum. The reader's digest version of why the affair ended is that he had two others besides me and his wife. <p>So, here I am--dealing with being the betrayer as well as the betrayed. I see the ending to my affair as a HUGE wake-up call to save my marriage. I am hoping to be able to communicate with others in my situation for some feedback and advice. <p>Betrayed Spouses, PLEASE have mercy on me!! No flames!

JustJen,
We are all here to save M and your input will be seek also to help other BS to save M.<p>Here's a good place to start:
General Welcome for All New Builders
Acronyms, Smilies, UBB Codes
Plan A misapplication by Distress <p>IMO & 2 ¢, you should put in a "no contact and ending A" letter addessing to OM, cc: OMW and H ASAP. Built H's trust from there and ask mercy from H & God .... Open all your "tricks" to H about how you manage the A & the contacts. If cell phone is use then get him a copy of detail every month ... if gymn is used then change gymn ... whatever be open and secure for H. Most of all get educated about MB.<p>Welcome ...

Thanks for the reply. I have put myself on a short lease, so to speak. I want to eliminate any opportunities to do this sort of thing again.<p>I will be around lurking for awhile. Is there a board for the Wayward Spouses. by the way?

JustJenn,<p>This board is for WS as well as BS & OP. The only criterea is that all members are willing to work on recoverying their marriages using the MB principles and concepts. There are many WS here. My H is one of them. He posts as SeenTheLight.<p>Give people some time, they will come to respond to you.<p>Z

JustJen -
First of all congratulations on taking such a brave step in posting as a WS. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I say that only because I know that on other sites we get lots of "bad press". There is no specific area for WS here, but many many WS do post here regularly and are very helpful indeed.<p>I'm sorry for your pain. I'm glad to hear that you see this as a big wake up call to save your own marriage. How wonderful. Be prepared for a rough ride on this crazy roller coaster. <p>Does your H know about your A? It will mean everything to your recovery if you are honest and open and disclose everything. He will be hurt beyond anything, there's just no two ways about it. <p>Surviving an Affair by Dr. Harley is an excellent book for both parties to read as well as "After the Affair" by Janis A. Spring which also deals with the problem for WS of disclosure.<p>Definitely familiarize yourself with the marriage building principles on this site and don't be afraid to post and ask questions.<p>[ November 12, 2001: Message edited by: Alberta ]</p>

Hi REDHAT ....<p>If you remove the spaces in your hyper links, between the "[text ]", they'll then function. Those dang spaces get ya every time!<p>Jo

Welcome JustJen,<p> While we may find it hard to understand what you did. We do welcome you here. And I can tell you that everyone on this forum wants to see your marriage restored. <p> WSes are most welcome because of the insight they have into our own waywards. Almost all WS have something worth learning. <p> Now, what your post did not say is whether your husband is aware of the affair? Have you told him?
If not, why? If you have told him I would suggest you send him to this site as well.<p> If you truly want your marriage and want it better than before the A, then be prepared to work your a$$ off to reach that goal. Be ready for the rollercoaster of emotions that will run rampant, not only for your H, but for you as well.<p> READ and LEARN as much as you can from this site. Get the books Surviving An Affair, and His Needs/Her Needs. You can purchase them directly from this site. Or, you can get them at most major bookstores. <p> Post here in the forum section often, vent to us. Be prepared to listen to the advice given as well as get you butt kicked at times. Help others whenever you have something that might benefit them.

Good luck and I look forward to seeing more of your story as you become comfortable.<p> jd

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Resilient:
<strong>Hi REDHAT ....<p>If you remove the spaces in your hyper links, between the "[text ]", they'll then function. Those dang spaces get ya every time!<p>Jo</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Thanks Jo,
Here's a good place to start:
General Welcome for All New Builders
Acronyms, Smilies, UBB Codes
Plan A misapplication by Distress <p>Double posts for JustJen

JustJen,<p>I am a WS and unfortunately my H discovered the A before I told him. I had ended it a month prior but, I was still trying to understand and come to terms with what I had just engaged in over the past year and a half. I too was full of confusion and loss.<p>I recommend that you be honest with your H if he does not already know. After seeing the hurt and pain that this has caused my H, I am so sorry for what I did and for betraying the promises I had made to my best friend. I truly believe I was in the FOG (as they say on this site).<p>Please tell us more -- so that we can help you.

Welcome Jen....<p>I too am a WS and this website is helping me to see my H's point of viewpoint on things. We are going to counselling and trying to make things work out. I wish you the best.

Jen, I have been reading your posts on another board for a long time. <p>The pain you felt when you learned of your MM's betrayal touched me. I didn't say anything because I don't post but have lurked there for a long time. <p>I can tell you that you have come to the right place for support in rebuilding your marriage.<p>I recommend you read this post http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=29&t=000553
it has lots of great links in it to help new builders.<p>There isn't much real flaming here. I won't say it never happens but it is rare. We do disagree with one another at times like most humans do, but we generally agree to disagree.<p>Have you given any thought to telling H about the affair ? I will tell you this and you may not like it (I read a post of yours on the other board earlier) you have to cut all contact with MM. You shouldn't try being his friend. That will only help keep the feeling you have for him in the front of your mind and heart. Now you have to concentrate on H and his good points. Put him in first place. He must have some, remember you married him. There was/is something you love/loved about him. <p>Start putting some of the same effort into your relationship with him that you put into the A. I wish you luck Jen, I really do. <p>
Deb

Hiya Jen...<p>Welcome to MB...and welcome to the roller coaster ride!! I applaud your strength, courage and resolve to state who you are and ask for help!! Here is a link that may help in terms of letting you know that others here do understand what you are going through and feeling and that you are not alone...hang in there!! If you wanna change it, you CAN!!<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=010715<p>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.*<p>Trueheart

Jen,<p>I haven't been here very long myself and am still feeling my way around but let me welcome you as well. I, too, am the WS and know they agony and shame you are feeling now. Please know that you are not alone. You can come to us any time to talk. <p>We're gonna get through this, girl.