I know this is not really a big issue with some people but it does bother me.<p>My WH will not put his wedding ring back on. He has wore it for 10 years and has now had it off for a little over 2 months.<p>He has ended contact with OW and is showing signs of the fog lifting.<p>Tonite I asked him if he wanted to wear it and he said no. I asked him why and he told me he didn't need it. (what kind of answer it that). I told him it was a token of my love for him. Well he got "short" with me and said I know what It means but I don't want to wear it.<p>Do I just drop it or explain to him my feelings on this. He has always worn it, I guess that is what hurts. Need help with this one!!<p>
SLH

hi slh,
typing your initials reminds me of an oldtimer that I have not seen around in awhile...shl (sirhurtsalot). Wonder what he is up to?
Anyway....rings have been a hot topic here for the last couple years. You can do a search and find some interesting responses if you dont get many tonight.
I dont wear my ring and it has been 2 yrs. I have put it on a few times and it just does not feel right yet. Someday I may wear it, but not now.
My h does not understand why and I have tried many times to explain my feelings in many ways, over and over. I am sorry it bothers him so much, but I am not ready to wear it.
Just a few thoughts.....To me the ring is an unbroken circle of love, a symbol of dedication and committment. Those qualities were there when I married, and they are there again now, but the ring no longer represents those things to me.
Your d-day was only a few mos ago and you have a lot of work to do to restore the marriage. My suggstion is to lay this ring issue aside. He will put it on when he is ready. Reminding or asking will push him into to places he does not want to be right now. He is not ready to talk about his feelings-maybe he knows it will hurt you? Maybe he doesnt understand himself?
Just let this one ride. It will sort itself out as your marriage gets back on track.
Aloha, cl

Thanks cl. I don't understand but I am willing to drop the subject for now.<p>
SLH

Hello still love him,<p>I am the mother of a BS. When my DIL left my son and moved out-of-state to carry on an A, she stopped wearing her wedding ring. Of course, my son was crushed by it all. She even wore a new ring given her by the OM! After being separated and eventually negotiating with my S for about six months, DIL began to wear her ring again.<p>Try not to push too hard on this. It might be seen as a LB, contolling, demanding. It's not worth the risk at this point. My S didn't wear his ring either for awhile when things were at their worst, but now they are both wearing their rings and working toward recovery.<p>Be patient. Best wishes to you.<p>Estes

Obviously that ring means something to him. Perhaps it is a reminder of the affair, or it increases his guilt, or he's afraid of screwing up again, could be a TON of things.<p>In time, when he is ready, he will wear it again. Do not push him. It is an LB and it will backfire on you and just cause more pain.<p>This is your husband's issue, not yours. When he has come to terms and dealt with it then you will see results, not sooner. To push now would be to "get your way" and cause resentment in your husband.<p>In my case, neither my H nor I wear our rings. My H doesn't really have a good reason, I am never putting that ring on again, although my H says he will be able to again when things are better. It means nothing to me, it is a symbol of him breaking his vows now. When the time comes, I want new rings and a new wedding ceremony. My H wants that too and that is our goal in therapy.<p>HbH

As a WS, I took off my engagement ring, oh I don't know, a couple months ago. It's in one of posts here somewhere. I could not wear it (the diamond is a family stone from his side) while I was still caught in my conflict. I also thought that noticing the lack of it would make me think of what I stood to lose. I never took off my wedding band. I am still legally married and I wore it as an acknowledgement of that. Also, I didn't want my H to freak out any more than he already had. So to me, my wedding ring was a sign of a contract, but my engagement ring was a sign of a promise. To feel a certain way, maybe. A promise I didn't know if I could keep, in a way. I put my engagement ring back on yesterday. I seem to be seeing a light through my fog, and although I have days where I'm in and out, I seem to be more willing to try to get through it. I finally had to ask for a break in the relationship talks last week, and my H was kind enough to comply. Since then I have been more relaxed around him. Maybe that is what has made the difference in my feelings for him. It's certainly not all better, and I'm still not 100% sure that we can work everything out, but there was enough of a difference that I felt ready to wear it again.

SLH,
I'm BS. I removed my ring on DDAY and it took over two months for me to be comfortable in putting it back on. I know that is a short period of time, and your H may take longer. When I took it off, I knew when the time was right I'd put it back on. It was a ordinary Sunday morning, nothing special, but it was the right time. <p>As others said, be patient. My H, the WS, was most upset with me, but only I knew when the time was right.<p>LIP