my wife of 25yrs revealed to me that she has been having an affair with a man she works with since june...the window of oppourtunity has been small since they both work on the road but at different locations for the most part however they have been on the same job for 2 weeks although at different times i have verified this by calling his motel room anonymosly while she has been at her work location...my question is this should i call him and tell him that i love my wife dearly and that she and i have been talking for the past month and appear to be working things out...i have known this guy for a year and i even like him personally...my wife tells me that he tried to dissuade her for this but he is fun and there is no history between them...she has been known to lie to me and there is a great possibility that she is lying totally about this affair...i have tried to convince her that my love for her is greater than anything that she could do to me but the truth is that i lie awake at night and cry my heart out i sleep only about 3-4 hrs a night max sometimes i dont sleep for days...i really cant nor want to judge her because early in my marriage i wasnt the most faithful person but that only lasted for 2 years and was one night stands that were drug induced...i no longer do drugs and i feel its very hippocritical for me to get mad at her for something that i did 23yrs ago myself...the trouble is im beside my self ...does anyone have any like experiences or could give me advice or just let me talk about this...help

broken heart<p>Welcome and I am sorry you are in pain. We do know how you feel.<p>Learn all you can from the site and get the book SAA. It will guide you and help you with what to do. Right now Plan A your wife and keep her talking. <p>Come here to vent. Make yourself a stronger person and work on you to make lifetime changes. Do this for you and maybe your wife will want to be there with the new you.<p>Stay strong<p>
SLH

when my wife left for this new job she was very loving especially after the week before when she informed me of this affair...then she blew up on me over the phone i left her alone for 2-3 days and she called very repentent told me how much she loved me and that she was glad that she hadnt gone through with a divorce...my problem is that i just dont trust her although she has more to lose that i do in our marriage...she has two sucessful bussiness and a carrer that earns her 80-100k yearly...i have always supported her in anything that she has done in our marriage...earlier this ytear she used another guy just to make me mad she would talk to him for hours and flaunt this if front of me, he worked in other states and there wasnt any contact between them as far as i know dont see how there could be as she was staying with her brother and i had his wife checking on her constantly i also went to be with her every weekend for 2 months...this is a good forum as i dont have anyone to talk to our children dont know they are all adults and are involved in their own lives...as said before she has lied to me in fits of anger i have been blaming this on a hormonal imbalance as she doesnt take her estrogn as she should...am i just fooling myself?

Brokenhearted, I'm so very sorry for the cicumstance that brings you here. I'm also a BS and I know what you're going through. You'll find there's many wonderful folks here that can relate to your pain.<p>All I can tell you is to make no decisions! You're in no state of mind to make any changes to your life. Read all you can here and learn from it!!! Come here to vent and to learn from the vast experience some of the posters have.<p>I wish you all the best.

my first instinct (i'm pretty new and hopefully some of the more experienced will tell us if this is not a good idea) would be to tt the OM--if your wife is making this up, then she needs counseling to help her...possibly medication--erratic behavior can be a result of hormonal/chemical imbalance. If she is telling the truth, then you need to know that, too.<p>I do urge you, never, never share this with your children. This is a husband/wife thing--not that you should sneak or lie to them but it really isn/t their business.<p>Come here and talk to us. 24-7. ((hugs))

today i dont think she is lying i called her room last night starting @1:00 until 2:30 she may have been asleep for she is a sound sleeper then called his room and woke him up if she was there i may have caused him to endure more pleasure in the middle of the night ...sometimes im so stupid
why cant i be mature about this i feel signs that perhaps this is winding down she wants to go on getaway to celebrate our anniverary keeps telling me that she wants to our marriage back... according to the stats if most affairs last 6mo then we are at that time period now..god i wish i knew what to do... she will be home tommorow she says wants to go out this weekend next week is t-giving following week is anniv of our first date 3wks later anniv of marriage ...do you think i rushed into this too quickly? if i did then i really feel that one indescertion in 25 yesrs may not be too bad...
does anyone have any ideas?