I have also posted this on the Divorcing/Divorced forum.<p>I need help with this one MB friends. My children did their XMAS lists last night and I was saddened by my 7 year old daughters list. Her list contained two things. They are as follows:<p>1. I want my daddy back.
2. I want my family back.<p>It crushed me when she gave me her list. She wrote it by herself with no help. Every year, we have always been fortunate enough to get the kids everything (within reason) from their XMAS lists. Unfortunately, this year, I don't think I am going to be able to come through for my 7 year old and I just don't know what to do. I tried to get her to add to her list but she said she didn't want anything else this year but her daddy back. Can someone please give me some advice on what I should do here. I was up most of the night just crying and broken hearted for my daughter.<p>Thanks for your help.<p>Michele

Sballplyr, I am so very sorry for what you're going through. I have an 11 year old D that watches everything WS and I do/say and hangs on every twist. I understand how badly this hurts. I have tears in my eyes thinking about it.<p>How much does your D understand of teh situation? Fortunately, at 11 mine has a firm grasp on the realities. I've always been honest with our children, even when it hurt me. I'd try to explain the situation to my D in a manner she would understand and try to relay your hope that H will come back without building too much hope in your D. It's very hard!!!<p>I don't know what to say! I would consider giving my W the list. It would have little impact and most likely be rationalized away as being "coersed". There may be some chance that it would penetrate the fog.... I don't know, may you have the wisdom to make the right desicions for you and yours. My thoughts will be with you!

sofar2go,<p>Thanks for the reply. My H has seen the list and really had nothing to say. Which I can understand since he does not want to give false hope to me or the kids. All he could say was "I'm sorry".<p>H and I are currently working on rebuilding our marriage, which is going quite well. His only reason for not coming home is he is afraid. He doesn't want things to go back to the way they were.<p>I have talked to my daughter, all my kids for that matter, and explained to them that daddy and I are working on it but it is a tough road. They do understand but they just want him back so bad.<p>ARRRGGGHH! This is so hard around the holidays.<p>Thanks.<p>Michele

agree with sofar...I would tt DD and explain that you can't make her wish happen but that you can stll plan to have a good xmas together...perhaps suggest some activities for you to do together--go skating, make popcorn garland for the tree, go look at the lights, go caroling...i would let her know that you are planning to go on with your lives. I know it's hard. Divorced my first H when dd was 8 and we struggled with same things.<p>Prayers for you.

Does the school counselor know your situtation, she/he might have words for you or could talk to your D. I know that my YS's helped by just telling him that he is not the only kid in school going through this mess. Her stats were scary though just estimated that 40% to 50% of the kids in the school were only living with one of their parents.<p>good luck. prayers for you and your children.

Is it possible to work with H on how together she could feel more of his presence? <p>so that your D could reach out and touch him readily? just be more accessable to her?<p>use this as an opportunity to improve the parenting relationship put aside the marriage for a moment and really hear your D.<p>as i dropped my son at school the other day another boy came up and showed me his lego spaceship and was telling me about staying at his aunts house because his mom was traveling for buisness, and like the stupid jerk i am i asked him if his dad was traveling too?.... no he said my dad doesnt live with us anymore.... I was hugging my son and spending too much time dropping him off as usual i remember not having that... i felt so good about being there for my son and so sad for that little boy.<p>i hope your H will if nothing else be there in a big way for your D.

If it were me, I would say:<p>"oh hunny, I am so sorry for your pain. Did you know those two things were on the top of my Christmas list too? Oh yeah, BUT, something like this, if it's going to happen, is going to take a long time. I'm not saying it definately will, but we can both keep hoping and praying, right? <p>Why don't we work on making your list a little bit more short-term and realistic? Things that we really believe can happen for Christmas? Like, you can wish for your Dad to spend a few hours with you on Christmas, or that we will all eat Christmas dinner together. And, maybe, just maybe, we can save this list for next year, is that a good idea?<p>Y'no I'm here to talk to you, please let me know how you are feeling and what I can do to help. I love you.<p>But, that would be me...
HbH