Good news is that for the past week I have focused on caring behaviors for my wife, trying to deposit love units. Have had some (minor) positive feedback. Hav largely avoided LBs.<p>Bad news is that I'm starting to fall apart. Little sleep, constantly anxious and depressed, getting nothing done at work (I'm self employed) and feeling overwhelming need for some understanding. I've taken on majority of responsibility for kids lately so my W can have a break, which she has largely used to sleep. Dr. Harley says in an article that couples in deep trouble need to spend 30-35 uninterrupted hours per week to regain feelings of love. I'm lucky if we can get 5 hours/wk right now.<p>My screw up:<p>Tonight at dinner I felt profoundly sad and depressed and told my W I thought I was losing it. Silence from her. I let one minute, then two and then a couple more go by becoming increasingly mad by the second, until I lashed out and yelled at her for not even acknowledging my pain. Her basic response was "well now you know how I felt" and that we shouldn't discuss this in front of the kids. She was of course right about the second statement and probably about both. It only makes me more depressed to think that my W could have been as sad as I am now.<p>If I don't change something soon I'll end up in the proverbially looney bin. I'm thinking about prescribed medication to help me get through these very trying times. I don't even like taking aspirin so this is quite a desperate situation for me. Will some sort of anti-depressant help?? Will it help me calm down so as to stop pressuring the situation with my W??<p>Experience and comments greatly appreciated. Thanks.

YES!<p>Go to your general practitioner and tell him your situation...<p>Mine prescribed Celexa...anti-depressants are not happy pills...they just sorta even things out so you are not on the edge.<p>I was able to not cry and cling so much.<p>Watch your health! It can take a beating with all the stress...I have recently been diagnosed with pneumonia and am off work recovering...

Please, do yourself a HUGE favor and go see your family doctor. There are many antidepressants that are available. If one doesn't work, another will. I've been taking 50mg of Zoloft for a couple of years and it has definitely changed my view on life. I actually want to live despite my current living arrangements. It'll do you a world of good, not to mention those who love you.

RJ,<p>I was ashamed to admit when I went on Zoloft. I was a mess and within 2 or 3 weeks I was back to normal (well, as normal as you can be in this position). I only stayed on it for a few months but it got me past my roughest time. The only thing I didn't like about it was that I slept about 12 hours a night and was still tired the next day. I guess even that is better that all the sleepless nights I had before.<p>Good luck,<p>
who

Hi, Meds will def. help, I am on Zoloft for depression and xanax for anxiety, No I am not crazy just need these meds. to get me through these really tough times especially with the holidays coming its going to be tough. Good luck.<p> Sally

Go get the meds.<p>I went first and starting taking celexa. Keep telling my WH that he needed them and of course the macho thing is not to. He told me he did not like to take medicine and he was fine.<p>Well one day he called Dr and made appt. went and told him he needed meds. Even told Dr about A. They have really helped him and me.<p>You will not dwell on stuff as much. You don't feel drugged on anything and of course I still have days that I a down. But they really have helped us to get through the rough times.<p>Go make that Dr appt tomorrow. Do not wait,<p>
SLH

RJ,<p>I, like you, don't really like being on meds. I was afraid that if I went on anti-depressants, they would cloud my ability to rationally and logically try to think my way through this. I could not have been more wrong.<p>For the first several days after D-day, I had the physiological "Flight or Fight" thing going on. Extreme anxiety, increased blood pressure, dialated eyes (24x7), inability to sleep, eat, think, anything. Right away, I got on Xanax for that anxiety and it helped tremendously, I could sleep and dreamlessly. Then after about a week, I got on Serzone (an anti-depressant) to help me to level out my moods.....one afternoon in about 1 1/2 hours I counted at least 8 EXTREME mood swings....from extreme depression and the desire to die, to absolute rage and the ability to kill, to jealousy, and self-pity, and hurt for want of my W.... That was the breaking point, I knew I need meds to avoid the terrible consequenses of those extremes.<p>I went to my PCP (actually, his PA) and told her my story....she gave me a Serzone sample to get me started. She said she selected Serzone because it tends not to have some of the "standard" side effects of other ADs (sexual disfunction, increased sleep, etc....) The only side effect that I HAVE had has been a slight change in my vision at the highest doseage....I'm going to have her back it off by one step (that level actually seemed to be helping with the moods/depression anyway).<p>I would suggest to ANYONE going through this much pain to get on ADs ASAP. They can take several weeks to take effect, so the sooner, the better.<p>Please do yourself, your W, your children, and your M a favor and get on some meds.<p>Good luck to you.
Kev<p>PS, I agree w/ SLH above, I too still have down days (this evening is particularly hard, don't know exactly why), but I can only IMAGINE how much I might be suffering without the meds' help.<p>K<p>[ November 15, 2001: Message edited by: kevco- ]</p>

I can empathize with you, for sure. I had similar problems in the early stages of this as well. Lost about 8 pounds (down to 152). Averaged about 3 hours of sleep per night for 1-2 weeks.<p>But for me, things started to level off after that. Both WW and I tried our best to live "normally" and that helped. Now things have gone on long enough that even after a tough night like tonight, I'll sleep okay. Not great, though. WW - probably not well at all.<p>I've avoided meds. I think I've got some pretty abnormal coping skills - my therapist made some comment along those lines. It's not that I'm not feeling the pain, but I think I've been able to muddle through things so far with my head. I hope I can continue that, but I do definitely see how meds are likely the right solution for you right now. Better safe than sorry.

RJB2
Yes, go get see the Dr.
I had called my Dr's office and was barely able to talk and state what I needed (I wanted all the tests for STD's) and told Dr. everything. He put me on Zoloft, 50mg and xanax as needed.
He told me to take the zoloft in the evening, but it kept me awake, or was that just the stress? I didn't sleep for days. So, then I started taking the zoloft in the morning and would take a xanax for sleep. I did have to increase the zoloft to 100mg per counselor's advice as I was still thinking of death all the time after two weeks. So, we called Dr. and got it increased. I'm still taking the zoloft now but hardly taking any xanax at this point. Only if I really get worked up and that has been maybe once a week like this last time H left for overnight for work and I was so anxious.
So, it really does help. I'm thinking of cutting back to 50mg for a few weeks and then getting off the zoloft now. I'm taking one day at a time, but was totally unable to function at first and it did significantly help.

Thanks everyone for your input. My therapist has recommended a psychiatrist and I am trying to see him next week (hopefully before Thanksgiving). Therapist agreed meds would be very beneficial at this stage. I just want to level off a bit and stop obsessing, etc.