I suspect this post will be a bit disjointed, as I feel so.... angry, upset, stressed, shocked.<p>As you may recall, I suspected my husband of having an EA, and then his female 'friend' moving in with him. He works in another city, and I am unable to go visit him to check things out, due to my illness. I've been in plan B with him since the end of August, which is exactly as he likes it. <p>On wednesday, I received an email from him saying he'd lost his job, and that I should apply for a Disability Pension as a 'seperated' person. Oh, and he would no longer send me any money. Nice way to find out I'm seperated now, and that our income has stopped. I tried phoning him repeatedly, leaving messages saying we had to discuss our finances, but he deliberately was unreachable. I know he did receive my messages (which I kept business-like) as I could check his phone.<p>Then friday I get an email from him, stating he would pay his part of bills. He was not, however, going to send me any other money as he needed his final job payment to 'look for another job'. Today I found out, through someone else, that his final job payment may actually be quite a substantial sum. Husband is also not giving me information regarding our financial status, he's conveniently got all our savings in HIS accounts and is not telling me how much it is. He's planning to keep everything for himself, living the good life (probably with his little wh.re) while I try to survive on a pension - which is very very little. I just cannot get my mind around the cruelty of it all.<p>When I responded to his email that said he was going to pay his share of bills, I wrote that I would like him to transfer $x to my account, if he was getting 3 months wages as his job exit payment. The amount I specified was modest, and very fair. He wrote back, saying that he was being reasonable offering to pay his share of bills (!?) and that he was not going to 'give away his money'. That he was being reasonable, and all I did was ask for more. Mind you, the share of bills he's offering to pay does not in any way pay for bills *I* have to cover, like my electricity, food, etc. No, only bills that he's directly responsible for like his own phone, sporting membership etc. <p>I am just so sick with the stress of it. How can he call himself a man, treating his wife like this? I'm thinking I have to see a lawyer ASAP, but do I want to take it that far? I have to protect myself too, what if he squanders all our savings, and on his 'friend' too. Is it ok for a Christian to use a lawyer to try to make my husband give me details of our financial situation, and to make him give me what's rightly mine? Should I just let it slide, suffer some more, is that what God would want? I am very confused.<p>SAU

Dear S&U,<p>You have nothing to feel guilty about. If your H is contemplating leaving you out in the cold, then you must take all steps to protect yourself. How much you take it up to your morals not his. Consider that his morals have flown out the window, lost in the fog?!??!? Maybe irregardless of his mental state, you protect yours. What if the OW is leading him and using him for money? It is a possibility. You don't want to give what belongs to you to an OW? YUCK! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Ok, go see your lawyer. Take care of YOU!!!!
Vent and share here, we will be here to help you along with emotional support. <p>L.

SAU,<p>I would by all means contact a lawyer. IMHO, your H has stepped over the line....irregardless of the marital problems that may exist, a decent and honorable person would not act this way. I don't care what degree of feelings he's having towards you and/or OW, he by all rights owes it to you to take care of you financially.<p>I'm sorry for the pain and stress he's inflicting on you. Please try to take care of yourself. If he ever comes out of this, I think (if he's any kind of loving, caring, compassionate man) he'll despise himself for treating you like this. NOBODY deserves that kind of treatment.<p>I will pray for you tonight!
Kev

Going to a lawyer should not conflict with your religious beliefs. Even the Catholic church says that separation is ok when the other spouse withholds monetary support from wife and kids. Remember, the marriage contract with the state just defines the property arrangement with your spouse. It does not affect the status of your marriage in the church. Good Luck. K

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by SickandUnwanted:
<strong> I'm thinking I have to see a lawyer ASAP, but do I want to take it that far? Is it ok for a Christian to use a lawyer to try to make my husband give me details of our financial situation, and to make him give me what's rightly mine? </strong><hr></blockquote><p>Hi, SAU,<p>Let me respond by saying that I struggled with the same issue of whether or not to contact a lawyer when my H filed for D against me. I finally figured out that since HE was outside of God's will for him, I needed help to protect me.<p>Someone I e-mail back and forth with also added another perspective: She said that God doesn't expect US to be experts on everything. We don't see anything wrong wiht seeing a Dr. when we are sick, since he has been trained to deal with these issues we have (health problems).
So this is just US using the talents of someone trained to help in this area, where we lack training and understanding. I liked that! <p>Ultimately, it has to be your decision alone, but that is what helped me decide that God wouldn't see me as disobedient if I went to a lawyer.<p>God Bless,
Lupo

Dear sau,
I agree with all here that an attorney is in order and the sooner the better. I think you need to document everything at this point and save all his e-mails to you. Keep a log of calls you make, messages left, his calls back. If those things are needed, then you have them handy.
I think any religion would support you taking care of necessities!
You are handling things pretty well with h-keep conversations on track, avoid emotions. ALl business and be careful of the LBs!!!
Be strong, you have lots of support.
aloha, cl

There is nothing un Christian about protecting your interests from someone who is intent on destroying you. You are supposed to be a good steward of your assets and protect them from plunder and waste! Being a Christian does not meant that you sit by and let evil reign - you try and stop it! Get an attorney NOW!

Well - from my Catholic viewpoint, we are all temples of the Holy Spirit, made in the image and likeness of God.<p>So if we allow others to disrespect and abuse us...we are mistreating and disrespecting God.<p>Love others as you love yourself implies that self love must come first.<p>Get thee to a lawyer as soon as possible. As long as you are married, your H's income, including severance, is a marital asset and you have rights AND an obligation to care for yourself.<p>[ November 17, 2001: Message edited by: BrambleRose ]</p>

I can't thank you all enough for your replies, they give me a different perspective that I sorely need. I will go to a lawyer ASAP, to find out my rights. All this stress is making my illness far, far worse, and I barely have the strength to get out of bed. To go see a lawyer will be a huge drain of energy, I am dreading it already. I'm going to prepare a list of all the financial details I can think of, questions I have, and print out emails from my husband that I saved. My husband is well aware of my physical limitations, it's as if he's playing on them to his own advantage.<p>Thanks again everyone, I will read and re-read your replies until it all sinks in.<p>SAU