Married 24 years,started out with major infidelity,calmed down after 8 years,has been relatively smooth,with the exception of a few "situations" that have set off alarms.Bad thing about it all,nothing was ever resolved,never discussed,never apologized for.I thought I had dealt with it all,until about a year ago, I discovered my husband had been on the net looking at porno.When confronted,he lied.
Finally he told the truth,only after I showed him on the computer where it showed all the websites visited,dates and times.I spent several weeks feeling bad,this too was not to be discussed or resolved.It dawned on me one day that the way I was feeling was exactly the same way I felt when I found another womans panties in his bed.(while working out of town)He lied about that too,of course I didn't believe it,I even had friends tell me about her,yet he still lied.He doesn't equate the porno with cheating,I do.And in fact I I can't not see him as a creep.That makes me sad. He won't talk to me,never has,I've seen a counselor and have asked him to do the same,always get a non-committal answer.I think now is the time to say do or die. But what do I know???

RONI,<p>I'm sorry that you need to be here at MB, but I think you've definitely found the right place to try to rebuild your marriage.<p>Here are a couple of links that might help you get started:<p>Welcome Package<p>Acronyms<p>I would read EVERYTHING on this site that you can. Think about getting a couple of books from the bookstore: His Needs, Her Needs and Surviving an Affair. They will explain the general principles of MB. <p>To answer your question, YES I would definitely try to get both of you into counseling. I'd try to make it with someone who teaches the MB principles. You can call the counseling center (reached from the home page- near the top) and they can give you any counselors in your area that might qualify....If you can't find any, then I'd highly suggest that you counsel with Steve Harley. From my own personal experience, two out of two counselors that my W and I have visited did more harm than good to our marriage.<p>Read about Plan A and implement it. Post here often, when you have a good day, a bad day, need to vent, or need a hug. We'll all be here for you. There are some WONDERFULLY caring and insightful people posting here, use them.<p>Print out the EN (emotional needs) questionaire (found from the home page, under the questionaires link at the top). Fill it out for yourself, and either ask your H to also fill one out, or fill it out for him. Then try to meet his most important 2-3 emotional needs....this will go a LONG way in rebuilding your M.<p>Good luck, and God bless.
Kev