I have not posted many times, but I have read numerous posts over the last few months that I have found helpful and supportive. I post this so that perhaps I can help those going through a similar situation, so I can put down my experiences in black and white, and also so when I go back down the roller-coaster in the future, I can find solice and hope in my own post. These apply to my situation, others may have similar/dis-similar experiences.<p>A brief summary of my situation. WS having EA/PA for approx 4 months (EA possibly longer). I suspected for the last month that something was going on. D-Day 9/29, S ended the A, commited to the M. Verbal communication continued on a much less frequent basis for another month, ending in a final physical contact (D-Day #2), 10/26. S recommits to the marriage and tells me she has ended the A.<p>That was 3 weeks ago. Since then there has been no contact that I am aware of. Starting to rebuild, one day at a time.<p>Here are some things that I have learnt, in no particular order.<p>No contact means no contact, even a phone call can destroy any progress that has been made and starts the withdrawl process for the WS over again.<p>Hard as it is to see your S in pain over the end of the A, give them the space to overcome this.<p>Show your S that you are willing to help them through the process and that you are committed to the M.<p>Expect nothing in return for your hard work, and you won't be disappointed.<p>There are reasons within your own M that your spouse strayed. Work on fixing those, and demonstrate it through your actions, but don't expect any compliments for your work. You S needs to regain the trust in you, that you have changed just as you need to regain your trust in your WS.<p>Your WS may not be particularly receptive to working on your relationship at this time. Although you may get a committment after the discovery, later during the period of withdrawl you S will say some of the most hurtful things you can imagine. Ignore them.<p>Discovery of snooping is a real big LB. The temptation is overwhelming, especially since your trust has been violated. But you need to control this, this is the first step in rebuilding trust.<p>This is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. The reason the D rate is so high is that people perceive that walking away is an easier alternative to end the pain. In some instances this may be true, rebuilding will take time, effort and consistency.<p>Look for little signs that you efforts are making progress.<p>Get educated. This is likely new subject matter for you. You need to understand what you, and your WS are going through so that you can help the situation. Read articles etc, but try not to become too obsessed.<p>Other more experienced have probably posted similar elsewhere on this site, feel fre to add your notes and experiences to this thread.<p>WS slowly returning from the mothership.