Hi S&U, <p>How are you doing? We haven't heard from you in a while. I recall you saying that you were checking into some things (getting another car). Please let us know how you are doing. <p>L.<p>[ November 21, 2001: Message edited by: Orchid ]</p>

Hi Orchid,<p>Do you mean ME?? If so I am very grateful you're asking... I did buy a car, and it's made a huge difference to my life. <p>I received some emails from my husband's friend, who worked with him for over a year. In it he says my husband was fired because of his behaviour at work, that they wanted to get rid of him. (my husband was fired a week ago, and is refusing to give me details of our financial status) This friend also wrote that my husband is having 'adventures' that are worrisome, and that he's likely to be spending our savings in a very short time. The friend has two small children, and is not allowing my husband to visit his family nor is he going to my husband's flat - he feels my husband is not a good influence. I think this goes to show it's not just me who is noticing that my husband has changed for the worst!<p>Alas, although I sense that the friend is wanting to disclose the gory details, he's been asked by my husband to keep things from me - yet I'm told also that my husband has been telling anyone who'll listen about our 'problems'. Who knows what he's saying to people about me? In his last email the friend said that my husband had told him that 'I (SAU) have nothing to offer, not emotionally, mentally or physically'. That I'm 'nothing but a burden'. <p>I went to the Doctor yesterday to get a medical certificate to give to Social Security, I'm praying that I'll be given the Disability Pension. I also have to talk to a lawyer, but I don't have the energy for it right now. It was a big blow for me to be told last wednesday, in an email, that we are now seperated, and that my husband lost his job. <p>I'm very worried about our finances. My husband has all our savings, and 2 cars, and now whatever money he got from being fired (the friend said it's enough money to keep my husband going for 2 years, so it's likely to be a fair amount of $). I don't know how much money there is, my husband is not telling me, and he refuses to talk to me - in fact he's changed his phone number and I can't reach him at all. In this current evil state he's in, my husband could blow all our money and lose us our home. I was told that my husband is planning to buy a flat, how can he possibly do that without a job??? All this is why I need to talk to a lawyer.<p>SAU

Hi SAU,<p>Yes, I did mean you. I apologize for getting your poster name wrong. To me you are not sick and unwanted. I wish you would change your name. <p>I am also sorry to hear that your H got fired and is stressing you out even more. See what an A does to one's mental state? Don't worry, no matter what he says you stand on your merit not your H's. Others can see what he is doing so there is more support for you. <p>You sound like you are making progress. This is good. Learn to plan and be prepared. You are moving in the right direction. Let's see how long an OW wants to hang on to a man who can see the end of his money......unless she is a real idiot she should see that her future with him is limited. <p>Thanks for responding. Please keep in touch.<p>Take Care,
L.

Thanks Orchid, I'm so pleased that you remembered me and asked after me. I've been thinking of changing my user name, but for now I can't think of another. Maybe when the shock of things has worn off a bit the old brain will start working again. The stress is giving me constant migraines, it's no fun.<p>Although I'm not wanted by my husband, and am sick, I do know that it's not true I am 'only a burden'. We are not defined by our limitations, but by the person we are. If my husband cannot see this, it's his loss. Sure I do not have the energy levels a healthy person has, and there are things I cannot do, but I'm still ME. My family loves me, I have friends, to my animals I am the world. And most importantly, God loves me. If I am only of value to my husband when I can 'offer' him something, it says more about him than me. Can you tell I'm kind of thinking about what was written to me by my husband's friend? <p>SAU

Hi Sau,<p>Yes I can. Are you strong enough to hear what he has to say? You will know that. <p>One's value is not measured by outer appearances or what one has materially. You know the saying you can't take it with you applys even when we are alive. The way one treats others in life can be how they are treated later. <p>The inner person is where one's beauty and value really lies. No one can take that away from you. Not even your H. <p>That is so easy to forget. I know, I get depressed pretty easy nowadays. I don't feel you should view yourself as a burden. That is negative thinking. You know when my grandmother was bedridden, our family never thought of her as a burden. We did what she needed out of love. <p>Now the ones with the guilty conscience are my uncle and his family, they did not take care of my grandmother in fact my cousin did not even visit his grandmother while she was in the hospital and in the nursing home. My cousin has to live with that fact, not me. <p>My grandmother? She expressed that sometimes she felt like a burden but then she stopped talking that way because we would not allow her to talk that way. You are NOT a burden, ok? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.