I am SO angry! I just need to get this out! Okay, I knew the rollercoaster would go down, and if I'm honest, it's not going as fast or as deep as I thought it would. <p>Talked to H on the phone this afternoon to see if he wanted to get some Christmas shopping done this weekend. We figured it would be best to do it together, since we're buying for the same people. Fair enough. "No" he says..."I've decided to go away this weekend. I'm going to visit OW". Now, knowing he doesn't have a car, and honestly just wondering, I asked how he was going to get there. Renting a car, he says. <p>Even though I knew in my heart of hearts he would see her this weekend, it still upset me. I tried to prepare for it the best I could, but I was still angry and sad. I could feel this coming up in me as I spoke to him, so I just tried to be brave and cut the conversation short. "Okay! Have a great weekend. Bye!" He sounded a bit taken aback by this, but said goodbye and hung up the phone. He rang back a few minutes later -<p>H: You okay?
Me: No, I'm very much not okay, but that's not really your problem anymore, is it?
H: Oh.
Me: It just hurts me that I get one night a week and she gets a whole weekend. Are you building her computer this weekend?
H: Yeah. I promised her I would do that.
Me: As long as you keep the promise you made to me not to have sex with her
H: Of *course* I will.
Me: Thank you. I will trust you, then.
H: Thank you
Me: Let me just ask you something - when you left the other morning, you said you loved me.
H: Yeah, I noticed that.
Me: Was that habit or did you mean it?
H: A bit of both, really, I think.
Me: Okay. Well, listen, I have to go. But I love you with all my heart. Have a good weekend and please be careful with your heart and soul. That's all I ask.
H: I will, honey. See you next week.
Me: (laughing) if you're lucky.
H: Right. Okay bye.
Me: Bye. <p>Okay, I know I major LB'd there, but my blood was boiling and I was SO hurt and SO upset.<p>I did manage to go see Harry Potter tonight and have a good time, which is an improvment from a few weeks ago when I tried to see a movie (ended up running out of the cinema in tears!). <p>The way I feel right now, I am NOT going to talk to him until next weekend. Not in a LB way, but more like being cheerful and just saying that I'm too busy and don't have time to talk/see him. The way I'm feeling right now, he doesn't deserve my time or effort. Of course this could all change tomorrow or even in a matter of hours. <p>Was talking with a friend tonight and he suggested that OW has got him scared to death. She is snapping her fingers saying "I want my computer built" and off he goes. Friend says that H is probably scared of dumping her for the fear that she'll make his life H*ll. Knowing how weak my H is and knowing how confused he is at the moment and how he has a hard time making decisions on his own, this kind of makes sense. <p>Doesn't really help the way I feel at the moment, though, does it?<p>I know, I know. I'm in Plan A and I have to expect to feel this way on occassion. But this week was so good! He initiated communication with me. He asked for time with me. He sent me emails without me sending them first. He sent me text msgs without me sending them first. We genuinly got along. And now this. As much as I tried to prepare for the down side of the rollercoaster, it still sucks. <p>OK. Just needed to get that off my chest. Grrrrr!<p>love,
venusenvy

Ok V here goes. This is not Miller time but OW LB time a comin'. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Hard as it is, this is the kind of time that A hits reality. Just think, if their is a sexual move on either part, your words are ringing in his ears. <p>Ex: When my H wnet on the 3 day vacation with OW to Yosemite (big trigger for me now), he cried in the store put a damper on their romantic get away and I saw it on the e-mails that followed. She tried to cover it up but it still came shining through. YEA!!! The WS came back and said he really did not have a great time like he thought. She told him how to eat, sit, etc. Tried to be his W...... hmmmph.... She even told me that later. Dumb bunny!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>So take a deep breathe and pray your face keeps popping up in his mind all weekend long..... what a pleasant thought! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take Care,
L.<p>[ November 24, 2001: Message edited by: Orchid ]</p>

Bring your Venusian out ... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] make him picking petals ... she love me she love me not ... LOL !!!. He bowed last week didn't he ?.

The rollercoaster from h_ll<p>Hang in there V. We all feel your pain and understand it. I really feel you did not LB bigtime. Told hubby how you feel and that is ok. I agree with Orchid, it will ring in his ears. <p>You are still doing great. You go girl.<p>
SLH

Thanks everyone. Like I said, just needed to vent -<p>Orchid - you said "OW LB time a comin'". I'm assuming you mean that the OW will be the one doing the LB? I have a hard time thinking this will happen. I, and everyone who knows her, realises what a scheming little cow she is, but H doesn't see her this way. So in his eyes, how can she LB? Major frustration on my part!<p>Redhat - make him picking petals? Not sure I get it? 'splain, Lucy. LOL!<p>StillLoveHim - thank you for the words of enouragement, my dear. Much needed. Much appreciated! :)<p>Feel a bit better this morning. Not as angry, but coping. Had nightmares all night, but that usually happens when I know he's at her house and in the Land of the Oblivious. <p>Question - should I send him some random text messages thru the weekend just saying simple things like "I love you" and "I trust you"?<p>God, please make this all go away. <p>love,
venusenvy

I don't recommend you send him any text messages this weekend...think about it for a moment. You will be allowing him to have his cake and eat it. Two women vying for his attention, he will like that, won't he?<p>Instead, leave him with the message you already gave him ringing in his ears. You are NOT happy he is with her, and you do NOT accept it. <p>I would even go so far as to suggest you don't contact him first after his return. Let him do that. Don't worry, I think he will...you got all those communications from him last week, huh? That's good news. I never got any communication from my H for weeks and weeks.<p>Keep you head held high.<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

V,<p>Girl, you are doing such a GREAT job !!!! so I want to see that pretty head of yours held high and proud.<p>In the last weeks I've REALLY started to understand the true essence of Plan A. And it really is about working on you. As you change YOUR behaviour, people around you will react to and adjust their behaviour to the new you. This doesn't JUST apply to your spouse but to EVERYBODY in your family and social circle.<p>I had a visit from my Dad last weekend. I haven't seen him in 2.5 years and this is his first visit in over 4 years. We don't have a good relationship, typically we can stand each other for about 5 minutes and then the arguments start. He arrived on Thursday and left on the Monday. I Plan A'd him the whole time. No judgements, no aggression, just peace. We NEVER argued. <p>I've changed and my new behaviour caused him to react and behave to me VERY differently. I was stressed but SOOOOOOOOoo relieved that maybe, finally, after all the battles I can make peace with him. The key to this, I think, is that I stopped trying to change him. His behaviour was not the key to me having a good time. <p>So, V, you have every reason to be optimistic, you have FELT and HEARD your H reacting to the new YOU [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>It might not count much right now but I'm here for you too [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>take care,<p>- Freddy<p>PS: I used to think of the OM ás my Voldemort - don't ever mention that name around me [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] the impression of him as a blood sucker in the dark forest, still fits !!!!

Dear V, <p>You have received good support here and I am glad to see you still up and kickin'! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>As to my OW will LB statement. Yes, I believe she has and will LB. No doubt about it. It is just a matter of when and if that re-energzes you to put more patience back into your M then good.<p>You are partially right about the LB not being an LB unless the WS recognizes it but remember things move slooooowly in the fog. So it will take a while but most women can't keep their mouths shut and most of these OWs who think they own the WS won't. So I still stick by my theory/statement (proven fact in my case) just sit back and watch. <p>ex: One waker upper was when OW wanted the WS to start paying her money to stay at her house. The 'thing' even had a list, let's see $998.00 per month and she itemized everything. But that was not the kicker, the kicker was when she also dictated how and when he could see his child and that he must never see his W (me) for 1 year. Do not see or talk to me for 1 year. Ahh. and he must retain a separate PO box for his mail. It was about a 15 or 16 line request. WS' response? 'No body is going to tell me how and when to see my child and when I can talk to my wife. How dare her.' LB big time. Oh yes, more LB followed. Also faking 3 pregos helped her LB somemore. Can you believe that a woman would be sooo dense about being prego (at 45 years no less) that a man - would have to explain it her? That is what the WS believed the 1st time, 2nd time and by the 3rd time we were all laughing at the OW. That's how she got the name Rabbit. LOL!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take care,
L.

Oh Freddy, bless your heart and thank you! I am trying to keep my head held high. Been doing okay today. Didn't hear from him. Didn't expect to as I know he's in Alien Mode. But I also didn't send him any texts!!! I rule!<p>Orchid - message received loud and clear! And thank you. I am hoping and praying that OW is doing LB's left right and centre this weekend. I remember one time when we visited her (pre A, obviously) and I loaded up her dishwasher to help with the clean-up after dinner. She promptly came into the kitchen and began unloading and reloading the dishwasher saying I had "done it all wrong". I swear, the first time she does this to him, he will flip. <p>Difficult weekend for me, everyone. But not as hectic as previous weekends when he's been with her. Still feeling like not talking to him for a while. Sort of a mini Plan B without him knowing about it. I definitely will not make first contact after the weekend (thank you, Nina too!). I'm fairly sure he will make contact first. But then the reason for that may be just come round to my flat to pick up his mail - there are some pretty important things here that he's wanting desperately (and it's not me!). <p>It really is hard to remain positive when he's with her. But I'm going out tonight. Putting on my leather trousers, my lippy and heading out for a boogie and a few drinks with my Gay boyfriends. I swear the best place to be when you're feeling down is in a gay bar! Attention galore and not because they want a shag! Just what I need right about now!<p>Take care everyone and thanks again!<p>(I love this site!)
venusenvy

V,<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> I swear the best place to be when you're feeling down is in a gay bar! Attention galore <hr></blockquote><p>wouldn't work for me [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] they'd want a shag [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Freddy:
<strong>V,<p> <p>wouldn't work for me [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] they'd want a shag [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] </strong><hr></blockquote><p>There is always a lesbian bar ... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ... LOL !!!<p>
Venus, let him keep guessing and worrying. Have fun.