Hi, <p>No panic just a bit nervous. Tonight is the offical 1 year anniversary of d/day or for me, d/night. Yep, after a visit to the marriage counselor I came home to find that awful voicemail message from OW (at that time 'friend - good friend - claimed prego fiend')...... leave that "I love you". message on H's cell. <p>Oh the memories are still quite vivid. Looking back, I can't believe what has happened. <p>1. d/d 11/25/00 (but it was on a Saturday night)
2. OW claimed prego 2 weeks later - no proof -
no baby.
3. 12/31/01 H moved out.
4. 4/21/01 H moved back.
5. Apr - mid August - H waffled/lived with OW
for a few days/went to jail for a few days.
Had restraining order against H for 1 week.
6. May - June - I was pregnant and miscarried
end of June.
7. Mid May - June - OW claimed prego #2 no
proof - no baby.
8. August - OW claimed prego #3 - no proof no
baby.
9. Mid August - H back to stay, had 11 yr
anniversary
10.August - Nov - periodic calls from OW.
Last few messages from OW have been taped
Received paperwork for harrassment instr from
police.
BS had bouts with depression and suicide
11.H is now home with a better attitude.
12.Family took 1st family vacation (short one)
last weekend. Had a fairly nice time. <p>Finding MB was a lifesaver and if all else fails, I will be grateful for coming here. <p>I found MB in late Dec 00 and began posting in Jan 01. I have learned a lot here. Shared a few laughs and cried many tears. I have learned that I am not alone in this awful mess, I have support and help. God has not left me and my family. With or without my H, I will make it. <p>I can not push myself or others. Sometimes in life you do have to painfully watch others fall. Sometimes they don't get up. I have learned that I do have a heart and it can be hurt (hey, I knew that but some don't think so - LOL!!!). I have learned to work on controlling what is within my area of control and set boundaries. I have learned that I can not be the one available for everyone. I do have my limits. I am learning to delegate. I don't have to be perfect. <p>My therapy comes from posting here. It has been as valuable for me as going to a counselor (I have done both). For me, sharing parts of my problems with some around me has been helpful for me and even saved my life on a few occasions. Strengthening my support group was invaluable. Support came from the most unexpected places. <p>When reading the posts of others that had been here much longer, how did they hang on and get through all of this? I learned that patience was not a quality I had in my pocket. I needed to cultivate it and fast.... LOL!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I also needed to pray and pray hard for a calm heart and a clear mind. Little did I know what that meant. I honestly believe that piece of advice was divine intervention for me, since it was put deep into my head and heart. I use it often when posting to others and each time it reminds me that I need to do that also. See the saying
'there is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving' rings true.<p>There have been downsides to all of this. While showing my weaknesses, I have learned that I have fallen and fallen hard. Picking myself up requires me stooping down to regain my balance. I need to strengthen my personal relationship with God since I have called on him a lot but given little in return. <p>My child has helped me tremendously. Never underestimate the power and love of a child. He helped me up with his small but awesome reasoning words in such a simple and smack between the eyes logic. Why can't we all think this simply? <p>Again to all at MB that have put up with me this past year, I say a big Mahalo. In this cold dark and deary life we find ourselves in, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes it is only a flicker, other times it flashes so bright you want to run and hide but it always settles to the right amount so that you can use it to move forward. <p>I have met both men and women here that have helped me immensely and will always have a special place in my heart. I am amazed at the strength displayed by all despite what they are going through. I have come to realize that there is no real measuring tool to say who will be the BS vs the Ws. Personalities are the same on both sides and both give and feel much hurt. <p>The one common thread I did see was greed andselfishness. When these are allowed to enter one's heart, it will break the relationships of all around you, usually hitting the family first. Everything else (background, chemical dependancy issues, personalities, attitudes) just add to the variety. But deep down it is still a selfish and greedy act. In many cases of which, one's mind and body go out of control. How sad. <p>I have learned that one day this world will be a better place to live. The words paradise, everlasting life and a happy family life sound too good to be true but they are real. Please, please continue to better yourselves and whenever someone comes around to share a word of encouragement, lend them an ear. It may save your life one day.<p>Sincerely,
L.
