Have any of you BS&#8217;s began to feel indifferent towards WS because of their seemingly self-centered actions. It seems that lately I have begun to look at WS as just a room-mate, not a wife or even friend. I also have noticed that I can turn-off my feelings towards WS whenever she begins to do things that I think can hurt me emotionally. Maybe its some kind of survival mechanism, I&#8217;ve been emotionally hurt by WS so many times in the last few weeks that I really can&#8217;t take anymore of it.<p>Case in point. Last night W spent the night at a hotel while I was at home. This morning she hurt herself and had to go to the emergency room to get help. Not once did she even bother to call me to let me know that she was hurt or that she was ok. I only found out about it in the evening when she came home. When I asked her why she didn&#8217;t call, the excuses were too numerous to keep track of. I was real concerned for her but as she was blabbering the excuses, I could feel myself just turn-off any feelings towards her, like she was some stranger telling me about what happened. <p>Would this be considered normal? Has anyone else felt the same way? It really bothers me that I do this but like I mentioned, it almost feels like a survival instinct, her excuses for not calling me were really beginning to hurt me inside, made me feel like I wasn&#8217;t even good enough to be considered a friend.<p>Any advice, comments, support would be greatly appreciated.

LHS,<p>I would say you are truly losing love for your W. Your defensive/survival mechanisms are kicking in automatically or instinctually, like you said. The good news is it bothers you, that means there is still a degree of love left for her.<p>I don't know how long you've been in Plan A, but you might want to explore migrating to Plan B in the very near future. Do you have a solid Plan A foundation established?<p>The least you could do right now is draft a Plan B letter and let us look at it for you.<p>Sound like a Plan? (pun intended)<p>Best,
Jo<p>Oh .. and to answer your question, "YES", what you're are feeling is very normal.<p>[ November 25, 2001: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Losing my love for her is a scary thought. I'm not sure that is what I am feeling right now, just tired of being hurt by her so many times. Its only been 2 months since DDay so maybe I'm just entering some kind of a 'blues stage'. I need to pay attention to when I do shut down emotionally to see if I can figure out what it means.<p>As far as Plan B, its to early for that, I need to press on and hope W finally comes to her senses and realizes what we mean to each other. I can't believe someone can just throw away 13 years of M without trying to fight for it first.

Okay, then that's good news. During my Plan A with my H I never really shut down that way and became indifferent. So perhaps someone else here has experienced that. Maybe it's a male/female thing, where males are more proned to doing that.<p>I'm happy to hear you're no losing love for your W, keep up Plan A then. And keep coming here for support and to vent if needed.<p>One more question, are you on meds?<p>Jo

<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: MMMMM ]</p>