First of all, thank you all for your help and support; I've been a bit needy lately.<p>I have 2 questions.<p>1) Should I resend the Plan B letter? I sent one on Sept 8; but I went back to plan A. And a really good one, if I may say. I don't think my wife cares if I'm in plan B or Q or whatever. She shows little sign of caring if I exist. <p>I went back to a "B" on Thanksgiving morning when she called from he OM's house ( "I just woke up...")<p>I dropped off the dishes I had cooked at MIL's. She left many angry messages;I had single handedly ruined Thanksgiving, I suck as a dad ( on the previous Fri had said I was a fantastic dad..)<p>I'm not sure what the point would be. I think she would be ecstatic.<p>2) The kids. I have 2 of 'em. 3 & 8. The 8 yo misses me constantly. WS wants to be able to have them call me whenever, and I'm supposed to be available.

I don't know how to handle this. Is me answering calls from her home a violation of a good "B"? What are the normal consequences of a seperation? <p>
I still love my wife and family, I do not believe there is hope at this point.<p>Dan

Hey FamilyMan...<p>Plan B with kids is a tough thing...I think most people agree that it needs to be 'modified' so that you can be available to your kids...but that you keep your conversations with WS very businesslike and discuss ONLY kids.<p>It can take a lot of work and fortitude on your part...but just redirect all discussions to be about kids.<p>Hopefully WAT and mthrrhbard will respond...I know WAT has had to modify somewhat and mthrrbard has posted to me how she dealt with her WS during their 'separation.'<p>Good Luck...we will be here to support you ...

Family Man:<p>Don't send another letter
Don't let her "guilt" you with the angry messages, ....what a cheek!
Don't be "on call" for the kids, arrange specific times...being "on call" will convenience HER
Keep your concersations brief, and pleasant. Don't be too cold & distant. Act as if you are happy all the time...."oops, gotta go!" get the drift?
It takes some doing, but CAN be done.
Don't let her "guilt" you.
Don't send another letter.....your attitude & behaviour will send a message.
DO DATE! If she needs you to 'sit the kids, make the excuse..."I have a date..maybe next time.."<p>Also , there is ALWAYS hope.<p>Strength to you, you'll need it, but STICK to the plan!<p>Muzohead

FamilyMan--<p>I'm going to refute muzo...don't 'date.' Do 'do things,' I know mthrrhbard went to "Parents w/out Partners" and stuff like that...but until the ink is dry on divorce papers, I would suggest avoiding 'dating.'<p>Just my opinion.

I agree with almost everything Muzo wrote with the exception of "DATING".<p>Do NOT date. You are still married. <p>Jo

You guys are GREAT!
I'll post an update when I get a minute.<p>Ws did e-mail me. several times. About scheduling.<p>Her last e-mail:" Are you planning on filing for divorce? If so when. " <p>I wanted to say,how many times have I told you what I want? The dream of the family? Duh?<p>Instead I said: <p>no.
I am not planning on filing for divorce. <p>I do not want to make you miserable.<p>Right now I am just having fun w life.<p>Dan<p>[ November 26, 2001: Message edited by: Family Man ]</p>

[img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Dan...are you up to one more C A L I book recommendation? <p>Susan Page How One of You Can Keep the Two of You Together <p>It's like plan A in a box. I know you are going into plan B...but you never know, you might get a chance at plan A again... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

IMHO, you SHOULD ALWAYS be available for your kids, but there's a fine line to walk with regards to making it easy on your wife. Plan B with kids is dern hard. I think you HAVE to answer calls from her when she has the kids, but the first words out of your mouth should be "Do the kids want to talk to me, or does this concern them?" If not, end the conversdation in a Plan A fashion. "It's just too painful for me to talk with you under the current conditions."<p>I say yes, send another Plan B letter - but you have to stick with it. Don't send it until you can be sure you can do it correctly. How did you "go back to Plan B on Thanksgiving?" Verbally? The next letter should address your "relapse" somehow, but concluding that the pain was just too much to continue in unnecessary contact.

TryingAgain ( Hey C A L I ! ),muzohead,Resilient,
WAT - <p>Thank you all for sharing your wisdom.<p>You guys are a blessing!<p>Thanks<p>Dan