Hello all!!
I have posted here a few times and have been visiting and reading for two months now. I have been moved to tears, laughter, anger, sympathy and a plethora of emotions. I have been scared to sit down and tell my story, and I have finally come to a place where I am comfortable with it. So here goes...<p>I will start by giving a bit of history. I am 33 and H is 34. We've been married 8 years and have been together 10. We have 2 daughters, ages 6 and 7. I am WS and maybe that is why I have had a hard time getting courage to post my story... [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>H (B) and I met when I was seeing a Marine (K) who was stationed overseas. Before K left, we agreed to marry after he got back. I was 19 at the time and VERY insecure. I look back now and feel so bad for who I was. I was so glad that SOMEONE wanted to marry me, that I "put up with" the negative crap in our relationship.
So, K was overseas, had been for 10 months and I met B at a party. I was atracted to him right away , and we quickly became friends. There was a group of us (everyone knew I was engaged) that would always get together and hang out, so B and I got to see each other often. It came to our attention that we liked each other and we started talking more, exchanging phone numbers and talking away from the group. B was always a gentleman, knowing that I was involved and yet asking permission to kiss me. We fell in love, over three months time, and then K was due to return home.
As I said, I was very insecure. I grew up with crossed eyes and VERY thick glasses (school kids are VERY mean) so I really mean INSECURE. I was astonished that K wanted to marry me, and yet here was B, much better that K as far as healthy relationships go. But he wasn't ready to propose marraige. So I went with the sure thing...K already said he wanted to marry me, no more fears that I would be alone.
B was such a great friend that he said he understood, and he just wanted me to be happy. He ended up singing in my wedding, catching the garter at the reception and then letting me get on with married life. K and I started having problems RIGHT away and it didn't take long for me to realize that I had made a big mistake. B and I kept in contact, but as friends, speaking a few times throughout the year. K and I were fighting all the time, I went away for a week to "figure things out" and I prayed a lot. I am Catholic and raised with the thinking that Divorce is not an option. So K and I remained married for 1 year, 4 months, until I got the strength to admit to myself, him and God that I made a mistake.
After K and I seperated, B and I got back together. This time we were free to let our feelings grow and we decided to see what path God would lead us down. 2 years later B and I were married. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I have written this part of my story because it truly is a gift from God that B and I are together. I wanted everyone to understand our foundation before moving on with part two. This is also a good time to say that B posted here a lot during my A. You can search for his threads under "wld". I'm sorry, I don't know how to post them as links here. [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I do need to make this a two-parter. My wrists and hands are killing me! I will be back, maybe in a few days (busy weekend coming up!!) and I will finish my story. Goodnight until then...

I don't know about anyone else...but I will be waiting with on pins and needles....

I am so looking forward to part 2 and the beginning of recovery. My prehistory is alot similar to yours and I also am in recovery with my wonderful husband for much longer then you now. My dday was June2000 and his revenge was discovered August 2001.

bump

Hi all,
Just a quick note, I haven't forgotten about this. I am just running out of hours in the day...
I will post part two tomorrow.
Good Night!

Still here.

SORRY!!!!
Unexpected Doctor's visit took away free time! [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]
I hope to finish this tonight, thanks to all of you for being patient...

Ok, here we go...let's see how far I can get...<p>B and I started a family right away. We were married in 93, had daughter #1 in 94, bought a house, a car, had daughter #2 in 95. I was LUCKY enough to be able to stay home with the girls. After #2, B and I seemed to be "settled" into married life. I would always have dinner for him (well, ALMOST always! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] ) when he got home. I cleaned, paid the bills, did the shopping and laundry and was happy (so I thought) being a housewife.
But I realized that there was something missing. I just wasn't sure what. I tried talking to B about it, many times, saying that I wasn't happy, that we seemed to be growing stagnant. He was happy with how things were.
Then we got internet. All of a sudden I had a whole WORLD into which I could escape. I spent hours online. Talking to complete strangers about everything. The computer was new to us as well, and a "friend" of ours made it for us. This friend was married as well, in fact the four of us were friends. One day there was flirting going on online, between "D" and myself and before I knew it, we were in an EA. Then it progressed to a PA and I kept telling myself I wasn't happy in my marriage. I had myself convinced that B and I weren't made for each other after all. I wanted to continue growing, and he was happy sitting still. So, my frustrations at not being taken seriously manifested themselves in my A. I would flirt with anyone and everyone online. After all, what harm could it do?!? It wasn't "real". Little did I realize that by channeling ALL of my attention to others, B wasn't getting ANY!!
[img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] But I suddenly had the best of both worlds, a stable family life, financial support, free time and MY EN's were being taken care of. I was still doing all the housewife things, my kids needs were being fulfilled. B seemed happy to sit and watch TV, so let him! That was my attitude.
Around this same time, (1998) I met "G" online and we started to talk everyday. We are both photographers, he having more experience than I do and I would often ask questions about technical stuff. He lived across the country from me, and he was 13 years older than I am. I saw no threat at all.
D and I still got together now and then until his wife found out and told B and my family about it. I thought I loved him and I didn't want to let him go. I even cried in B's arms about this, so broken hearted that it was ending.
So I tried the no contact. I tried VERY hard. We didn't know about MB then. I went through NASTY withdrawal, found it very difficult to stop calling him. It lasted for a while then we started talking again. In the meantime, I was very distant from B. I was angry. I felt like a spoiled brat but wasn't sure how to fix it. I didn't like myself and was on a definite downhill spiral and it seemed the harder I tried to fix things, the deeper I went.
I told B that I wanted to move out. That I needed time to be on my own and think. I had myself talked into the fact that since I never lived alone, this was just what I needed. Time to make my own decisions, have no one to respond to but me. So I went back to work, with the intention of moving out. I went out with D one night and when I came home, B and the girls had decorated the house with Halloween stuff. I started crying as I had the overwhelming sense that THIS WAS HOME. I knew that moving out wasn't the right thing to do. The next night I told B that I wasn't going, that I wanted to work on our marriage. He was very happy and we started MC almost right away.
Meanwhile, G and I kept having our discussions online. It moved from Photography to personal in seemingly no time. We started calling each other once in a while andI still didn't GET that I was having an EA with him. He was always there for me to complain to, share with, he always had time for me and made me feel important. He praised my work and I was very flattered. I held him in high esteem, after all, he was a PROFESSIONAL Photographer and he thought MY work was good. But I still believed that it was just an innocent friendship.
We went to MC for about six months. We made some progress, learned a few tools of communication. Then she gave our spot away to someone else and we couldn't go anymore. We figured that we could do it ourselves.<p>(Please forgive me if this seems so sketchy, it has been a while since I have thought of THESE details.)<p>So, D and I stopped talking, B and I sold our house and bought a bigger one and life continued. But before I knew it, there I was again, feeling unsettled, like something was missing. I tried talking to B about it again, but wasn't quite sure MYSELF what was going on. I was working full time and G was calling me sometimes on my lunch hours at work. It was nice to talk to a friend who understood ME. He got a calling card set up for me so that I could call him and talk whenever and wherever. I look back now and see that he was making himself available to me, so that I never had to do without. He was making it EASY TO GET A FIX. That is what it feels like sometimes now.
In the beginning of 2000, G came out to visit. B knew about our relationship and was a little hesitant, but I pushed. I thought it would be fun to meet him, after all the talking we had done. B was very uncomfortable after meeting him. He said that he lied and couldn't be trusted. I, of course, defended him and kept pushing to have this friendship. In March we went to his place to visit. At one point, G was shooting pictures of me, B was there and it turned into a nude shoot. It was always something I had wanted to do, and it excited me to be doing this in front of B. In most of them I was in variations of undress. At one point, B went upstairs to get a drink, I walked over to G to hug him, I was having a lot of fun and wanted to express that. I had already been naked in front of this man, at this point I was wearing B's long shirt. Well, G kissed me and B came back down knowing that something had gone on. We went to bed and I told him just what happened. He wanted to go home. I pushed to stay. We stayed.
The rest of '00 was spent working on our marriage, while G came out to visit a few times throughout the year. He and I got closer and closer as my relationship with B got colder. I still didn't realize that all my efforts went to my friendship with G and that I was giving nothing to B. I still didn't see anything wrong with it. I had no idea that I was in an EA. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Ok, I guess this will have to be a three parter. This is tough, guys. I am going through a sh*t load of emotions right now, guilt, ANGER (at myself), relief (it's over), romorse and LOVE for the incredible man that I am married to. He is waiting for me and I think I'd like a little support from him now. So if you all don't mind, I will come back and finish Part Three [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]
Good Night!

my heart is in my throat...tears in my eyes...<p>I know this was hard Mrs WLD, I hope you are okay...

Cali,
Thank you....I AM ok. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I finished last night and got a big hug from H.
I've been having a hard time getting on to this site. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] Not sure why, maybe user overload? [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] Anyway, I wanted to tell you all that I actually have to think and remember how the rest of it goes. Last night as I was writing, I was having a hard time with my "timeline" I can't believe that this is the end of 2001. I almost feel as though I have wasted a whole year with B. But then again, I think, yeah but I am WITH him and he WANTS me here!
I'm going to take tonight "off" from this, my hands still hurt from typing so much yesterday, and I need to really think about the secquence of things.
Kevco, I hope this isn't taking too long for you and JC. How did her time with Dr. Harley go today?
Have a goodnight everyone, I will be back tomorrow.

Mrs WLD,<p>I have been reading your thread with great interest, especially since I read and corresponded some with WLD when he was actively posting here.<p>One thing that strikes me is that there has been very little time during either of your marriages when there wasn't another man in your life,if only as a friend. If I understand your time line you have been continously in an affair for almost three years, first with a friend of yours and WLD's and then with the photographer.<p>Are you getting to the point, that you see patterns here? Are you getting to the point that you realize that WLD had little to do with your unhappiness? It would seem that is indeed the case. Finally, during your counseling and talks with WLD, has it occured to you, that if you actually really gave your self to WLD you just might find what you have been seeking from all of these men?<p>I hope I don't sound harsh, it is not my intention. It takes great courage to come back to WLD after all of this time and trouble, and it takes great courage to post this story. You are to be congratulated for doing both.<p>What I worry about is that if you don't see the patterns,that you will short change yourself again. You have a man that obviously loves you dearly and wants to give you that love. You need to see and understand how he is doing this (it may not be the way you expect it to show) and then enjoy what is obvious to me a true gift. Most men would not have endured, I know I don't think I could have.<p>So Mrs. WLD as you write this, look at the patterns, they are there. I hope that it becomes a realization for you, that you will receive much from this man, if you are willing to give him what you were willing to give all of these other men.<p>I look forward to the rest of your story.<p>God Bless You and Your Family,<p>JL

Just Learning,
Ok, I just got home from work and came right here to start on my Third part. It was a LONG day and I hope now I don't sound harsh.
I found myself getting mad while I was reading your reply, because you were assuming that I am still wondering about my actions. YES, it HAS occurred to me that if I only were to give myself to B that I would find what I am looking for. That is why I am here!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I know that I was in a continual affair for 3 years, I know that B is a GIFT FROM GOD and believe me, I have learned a lot in the three years since this has all atarted. I guess what hurt (which led to anger) about your reply was that you didn't wait to see what came next. And now I see myself as a little girl defending herself. But this is a discussion board, and I am here to discuss! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] PLEASE, don't misunderstand me, I am not angry!! I guess surprised to see you getting to the point that I am getting to. Does any of this make sense? [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]
THANK YOU for the congratulations. It is very hard to post this but as I have said in response to Kevco's question for WS's, it is time to give back what I have gotten here.<p>OK, JL, I am SO sorry that you got the brunt of my day! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Thank you for letting me get this off my chest. I am reminding myself to be open minded about replies here..... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Mrs. WLD,<p>I am sorry that I made you mad. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] It was not my intention. I am also sorry that I sort of looked at the "back of the book". [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I tend to do that. I do think this story is going to end WELL, so I am anxious to hear the rest of it.<p>So hurry up and start writing. Oh! one other thing, I was actually asking about the years to see if I have got the time line right so far. It wasn't a put down so much as me checking my ability to read.<p>Go back to writing, I am anxious to hear the rest.<p>My apologies again and
God Bless,<p>JL

JL,
I wasn't looking for an apology, but thank you! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Yes, your timeline is correct and I CERTAINLY know what you mean about reading the back of the book first. So, now as the author, I ask for your patience, I WILL finish tonight!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Please do if you can. WS will probably be out here soon (not tonight, but in the coming days) perusing the forums, and I'd like to point her in THIS direction. She had her first session w/ Steve today and I think this would be a good thread for her with that fresh in her mind.<p>Maybe I'll give an update tonight too.<p>Kev<p>[ December 05, 2001: Message edited by: kevco- ]</p>

I am on pins and needles!!!

Hello all...
I just spent the last two hours completing my story. I am just uneducated enough about computers to have been typing in the field it gives you. I hit enter and wasn't logged in anymore, so now it is gone. I am SO disgusted with myself and absolutely exhausted. God must really want me to learn something from this if he wants me to type it again!!
I just can't tonight. I am SO SORRY!!! [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] I will type it up in word and cut and paste it here. But it will have to wait until later...
goodnight...

OOOPS!!<p>[ December 05, 2001: Message edited by: Mrs WLD ]</p>

OOOOPS again...
I'm trying to see if there is any POSSIBLE way to retrieve my posting....I am so sad<p>[ December 05, 2001: Message edited by: Mrs WLD ]</p>

He does work in mysterious ways [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>Take care,
Cali