I recently had my first encounter with infidelity. My wife and I have been together for 21 years. I am with the military and we spend allot of time apart. I never in a million years would have thought this could happen to me.<p>I couldn't tell her but I couldn't keep it from her. My method was giving her access to my email account and letting her find email from this other lady. I know it was cowardly, but I couldn't bear to say those words.<p>The hard part is the email had a reply after the woman had just told me I wasn't a bad guy, all men cheated, I didn't need to tell my wife. She told me how wonderful I was and how my wife just wasn't aware of how lucky she really was. These things made me feel better and less guilty so I replied telling her how if I wasn't in a commitment I would make a relationship with her. I even tossed in the I Love You phrase.<p>God knows I have only ever loved one woman and will never love another. I just can't convince my wife that I am telling the truth. I understand after what I did she will never trust me again and I accept that. I can't accept losing her for the rest of my life.<p>She is convinced that no marriage with infidelity will ever survive and it is not worth trying to fix.<p>How do I fix something that I have destroyed so badly?

By being completely accountable and taking full responsibility. By understanding that that, though your marriae may have had problems, you had many options,if you wanted to seek them out. Instead you chose badly.You are human,we all make bad choices. By telling your W you were lying to yourself and the OP when you said you loved her and could have amde a life with her.By following the Harley principles.
Let your W come here and read some of the posts. This is the worst thing she will ever experience. She will need all the help she can get. When all has been addressed by you, maybe then she can forgive you.Your level of committment to the truth will be a deciding factor.

sorry,double post<p>[ December 01, 2001: Message edited by: Wounded2673 ]</p>