I wrote the dreaded letter and started plan B'ing on Thursday. On Saturday, my WH showed up at our son's hockey game without letting me know he'd be there. So I wrote him a short note asking him again to respect my wishes not to see him. But, then today he'd showed up at another game.<p>I have again wrote him a not letting him know that it is too painful to see him and ashed him to respect my wishes.<p>I seems like he is so incredibly selfish that he can't even honor this simple request. I understand that he wants to see his son's games, but I disagree with him just showing up. I'd be willing to take turns, but he doesn't care enough to compromise.<p>Or maybe I'm all screwed up and should just thinking about out son and that it's good for him to have us both there.<p>Help!!

Moving Forward,<p> I have again wrote him a not letting him know that it is too painful to see him and ashed him to respect my wishes.<p> I understand you pain. IMHO I would contact your lawyer if you have one. They can draw up an arrangement for the games. If you don't want to go that route draw up a schedule that will give each of you an equal number of games between you both.<p> Or maybe I'm all screwed up and should just thinking about out son and that it's good for him to have us both there.<p> You are not all screwed up. You are trying to protect yourself from further pain. You beening the best mother that you can be is what he needs. <p>Indy

Thanks Indy,<p>When will the selfishness end? We are on round three and I plan "A"ed through the other two but can't do it this time!<p>Sad thing is that I found out the OW has informed my WH that nothing will every become of there relationship and she was moving to take another job several states away.<p>Now he is desperately trying to win her back.<p>Makes me sick!

Oops double posted.<p>[ December 02, 2001: Message edited by: Moving Forward ]</p>

Moving Forward,<p> I wish I could answer that for you. I would feel the same way if I were in your position. I would seriously draw up a schedule for those games. It doesn't do your son or yourself any good to have these confintations at his games. Stay with your plan. Let me ask this. Does he try and break the no contact in any other way?<p>Indy

Not yet, it has only been since Thursday evening.

Moving Forward,<p> This has me stumped. I wonder if he is trying to test your bounderies with this. I know that some people that have given their WS the letter have recieved phone call after phone call. I would have to question if he is actually there for your son or not. <p>Indy

Moving Forward <p>You can still Plan B if your H shows up at your son's games. Just ignore your H. I believe that your sending him notes is actually breaking Plan B. <p>I sorta Plan B'd my ex-h for a very long time. It was long before I read the SAA book, but the concept seemed intuative. He'd show up at functions for our son. I did not interfere as I realize that our son needs us both. <p>It can be hard to Plan B when co-parenting children. The best way to handle it is that on the occassions when you have to be around your H, just ignore him. If you end up having to talk to him just be polite. If he tries to get you to discuss anything other then issues related to co-parenting just tell him, very calmly, that you do not wish to discuss anything with him at that time.<p>Plan B is about not meeting your H's needs. If the two of you are at the same game where your son is.. This does not break Plan B.<p>Z

Ignore your H if he shows up at your son's games. <p>But in my opinion -- you can't tell him not to be there.<p>Its in your sons best interest to have 2 devoted supportive caring parents. Your H should be there, as should you. <p>It does not mean that you have to speak to him.

ditto Zorweb - I've been in Plan B for a while now and you can do it while still being in the same location as your spouse. IF you have to interact, do so in a Plan A fashion - no LBs. I recommend you NOT establish a taking-turns-approach to attendance at extracurricular activities. It will be too easy for your spouse to turn this around on you as petty behavior. Attorneys will turn it upside down as well as an example of your unwillingness to act lke an adult. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Now to the more important issue:<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Moving Forward:
<strong>
Sad thing is that I found out the OW has informed my WH that nothing will every become of there relationship and she was moving to take another job several states away.<p>Now he is desperately trying to win her back.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>OK, it may make you sick, but look at the real meaning of this, if it is true. The affair may be dying a natural death. This is good. WHATEVER YOU DO - do not interfere with this process - do not do ANYTHING about it. OK?

I second (and third) zorweb and Lexxy! Do not send him letters or e-mails asking him to do what you want him to do. Just do what you do. If he shows up, completely ignore him. Live your life. Do not seem the least bit interested that he is even breathing air on the same planet. <p>Do not ask him any questions. Do not make any comment. If he speaks to you, respond politely as if you were exchanging pleasantries with another hockey parent. <p>Cheer for your son. Enjoy the game. <p>Plan B is about setting your boundaries. It is not about controlling other people's behavior.<p>And, consider your son lucky, that for whatever reason his father is making an attempt to participate in his life. Many children whose parents' post here are not so fortunate.

Wiffle, Zorweb, Worthatry and Lexxy,<p>Thank you for clearing this up. I thought that plan B meant absolutely no contact and absolutely no seeing each other.<p>I know that having us both there is what is best for out son! Sometimes it is so hard to not be selfish myself! I sometimes want to punish my WH! After all, he is the one who left and is making all the rules while the kids and I anguish in pain!<p>I want him to hurt sometimes too, but he never does!<p>from Wiffle:
"The affair may be dying a natural death. This is good. WHATEVER YOU DO - do not interfere with this process - do not do ANYTHING about it. OK?"<p>The worst part is that I found this out by calling her. It is the first and last time I ever have. Apparently she has been telling him it's over for a long time. This just seems to make him more determined to win her back. We actually had a very pleasant 1 hr. conversation. I don't plan on calling her again, but at the time, figured that after three rounf of this, I had nothing to lose.<p>Thanks again everyone for your support. Not to long ago, I was posting to say how wonderful everything was going, so this is all a big wammy!! I honestly thought we were moving forward!<p>Le