Well, another twist in this crazy rollercoaster. Mrs. Rabbit called to 'invite' him to for another vacation. ..... says he finds it hard to resist her.... hmmm......guess there has been contact of sorts. He claims he has not seen her but who knows. Either way, I can not tolerate it any longer, I have asked him to leave. He says he does not know what to do but won't change the 1 means of contact he has with her (his work cell #), so I said you are choosing between your cell and your family, guess Nextel wins. <p>H is back to being a ws or maybe he never stopped being a ws. New name for ws is Mr. Nextel..... I hate cell phones. I know they are just a vehical but it is a trigger for me. <p>I am not crazy or hysterical, just very disappointed. I told him that he owes me for all that I have been paying for him. What a jerk I have been, I just paid to have his truck registered and his auto insurance. Everthing will be going out in the garage and I will try to move out by the end of this month. <p>He is still in a state of I don't know, but I do. This family can not maintain contact with an OW. The anger burns within me to call her but she is such a crazy rabbit (& her trixs are for MM), that I am sure she will make something out of it. I am tired of being the one that doing the trying. My son deserves a father that tries his best. <p>WS was dumb enough yesterday to say, you want to discuss everything by phone? How about divorce by phone, court appearance by phone, etc.??? Too dumb for a normal response so I just said, ok.... that shut him up. Thank goodness. The babble from his mouth was more than I could take. <p>What I am here to ask for today, is strength and support. I know NDTW thinks he is right but I know that MB is more than just saving marriages, it is about helping people. In the long run I have become a better person. Sure after being battered around for a while by the WS and OW. I am sure there will be a few more of those battles. Now I will be more tactical. I may still come out on the losing end of it financially but I will try to survive emotionally. <p>I fear the anxiety attacks will return. But I do feel calmer. So that is a good start. <p>Thanks,
L.

Orchid -- soooo sorry.<p>You have fought the good fight.
Look for some good plan B letters, and do the best plan B possible.<p>We're all here for you.

Orchid,<p>I'm sorry for your pain.<p>I agree that every marriage should try to work out but there comes a time when it's too painful, destructive to continue. Your H has made that decision not to work with you. A boat with only one oar just goes round in circles.<p>You have my full love and support. I can't think that anyone here would say that you should stay in such a painful, dysfunctional relationship.<p>I hate cell phones, and email, btw. They just make it too easy...and the internet.

Hmmm... I sense you are not as calm as you think you are. Want to talk? I am at work, but can "chat" during lunch, or I can call you.<p>It sounds like you need a friend and you MAY be reacting instead of sitting down and thinking calmly, giving it a few days to where off? I mean MOVING OUT??<p>No, you're not going to do that. Yes, he can go, but you stay.<p>Hugz,
HbH

{{{{{{{{Big Sis}}}}}}}}}}}<p>We're here for you hun. Yes, strength and support is what we'll give you. You are strong and I believe Plan B is what you need to protect yourself. You have fought long and hard. An inspiration to many. You are strong and smart. I can't believe your H doesn't see that, and see what a wonderful woman he is treating so badly and possibly losing.<p>Deep breath, and do what you need to do. Don't let this affect your health. k?? It's not worth it.

Holy crap. I am so sorry, Orchid.

Thanks for the instant support. You are all truly a great bunch!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I was going to stay home today, mope and put all his stuff in the garage but I decided to go to work. I have a lot of meetings to attend and other crazy work stuff, can't stop the world just because mine is coming to a halt....<p>So life will go on and I have to get my son to school. Again I thank you for everthing. This truly a place of support when there is none in one's family. <p>I am sure it will hit him all one day, whether I choose to be there when it does, we'll see. At this time, I think not. He is a nice man but has too much indecision. He has resigned himself to being too bad to care or fix. I just can't work with that anymore. <p>Mahalo,
L.

{{{{{{{Orchid}}}}}}}<p>I am so sorry that it has come to this. You have done all that you could do. Was really hoping and praying for you and your marriage. The prayers work for you because I know that as painful as this has been, and will be for a while still, you will be alright. Infact you will do wonderfully.<p>Wish there was something I could do or say to make it all go away, but there is nothing. <p>As for NDtW's comments... I believe he is bashing this forum so that he has an excuse to not work on his marriage. It a deflection technique. WS's are very good at that.<p>You know that we are here for you. If you need to talk I'm always available.<p>[ December 04, 2001: Message edited by: zorweb ]</p>

Oh Orchid, I'm so very sorry. You've done so much for your WH and your M. Life just is NOT fair sometimes. Those of us that are loving, caring people seem to get stomped on over and over. I pray that the stomping stops for you now. Did you say YOU were going to leave? Why not HIM? I'm praying for God to give you strength. I pray also that your health will not suffer this time....Take care and know that we are all here for you.<p>MOM

L-<p>Ever since I found out we have the same name (even spelled the same) I have had an interest in following your story.<p>My heart goes out to you! My pain is right there with you! I gave my WH a plan B letter on Thursday and he moved out. This was after 8 months and 3 round with no stop of contact. Even after selling our home and moving to another state. I just can't do this to our kids anymore! I still don't want this to be forever, but I won't let him back this time until he is repentive and remorseful. He never has been the last three times. I won't let the kids and I go through this again! <p>I hurt so bad for you right now! My heart aches! The one and only thing that has brought me any peace at all is turning to God and putting my life in his hands. I praise his name every day that I can take a deep breath and make the most of it.<p>I haven't seen or heard from my WH since he left except for him showing up at 2 of my son's hockey games this weekend. I was angry at him at first for showing up, but I have decided that our son needs him to be there and I need to be the grown up and tuff out those situations.<p>I still love him with all of my heart and want him back! He has actually been living in his truck! SAD! Why didn't he move in with the OW . . . funny thing is that I did call the OW and she told me that she has told my H that she wants nothing to do with him. She says she has told him this time and time again, but he keeps pursueing her. <p>So now I am waiting for him to wake up and come out of the fog! Then we'll see where his heart is.<p>My prayers are with you! This is such a frustrating time and none of us deserve the crap that we put up with! I just keep telling myself that my WH is not himself right now and pray to God that the man I know returns soon!<p>God Bless You!
Le

Orchid - After all you've learned, struggled with and put up with...<p>It goes to show that it is all about them and their selfishness..<p>My prayers for you for the peace, love, and wisdom you deserve.<p>Um, BTW, I don't think you're a jerk. I think you know how to treat the people you love.<p>You made refernce to staying home and "moping." I do think that in this nonsense we need to take the time to feel what we feel and administer to ourselves.<p>You deserve the best...<p>Dan<p>What is it about the past few weeks? It seems like there's "something in the water..."<p>[ December 04, 2001: Message edited by: Family Man ]</p>

(((((((Orchid))))))))
You just amaze me! You are so strong, and you are standing up for yourself and your family.
I am so impressed at how you have been able to deal with your situation and yet provide so many others on this forum with such support. I am indebted to you for your caring and support of me in my current situation.<p>Once again - ((((((((Orchid))))))))))).

Orchid,<p>Don't play the rabbit's game. Be the tortoise. The tortoise always beats the rabbit. The tortoise has armor to protect her, the tortoise knows her goal and is not distracted from it.<p>Your goal is your family. You are protecting your family from the rabbit. I don't think the rabbit can ever understand the concept of "family" and so can never beat you at that game. <p>Don't call the rabbit. It is outside your protective shell, keep it there. <p>We will be here for you always.<p>Jeffers

{{{ Orchid }}}
So sorry!
You perhapos know that I get a little rushed in reading these things & I am not a rocket scientist to begin with, but when I first read that you were putting his stuff in the garage -- my brain thought GARBAGE! [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] I'm not the best speller either.
I have a sense that thorugh all our posting and in my case, also my special support group, which I have missed for the past three weeks now! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] , we have developed a little insensativity to this kind of thing ??
I had no idea of the details of your recovery, I assumed you were progressing, perhaps you did as well & in that of course only adds to the felt anxiety & a new D/D of sorts & we all know that feeling [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] ! -- I have felt my recovery is progressing, but occasionally I have little reminders that it could all be a continuing saga of the same story, just different characters -- [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]
Like you said, I feel this forum helps us to deal with this perhaps a little better, but I know it is not at all easy.
This does not at all sound good, but you know I refer to the Dobson book all the time & I assume that you are familar with his book, but he has examples of dramatic turn arounds -- don't need false hope, but sometimes we need to take a step backwards of sorts in order to move forward.
You always have such good insights & I cannot think of anything to add that you would find new, but I know that when you are on the firing line, sometimes we loose sight of some of these guiding priniples.
A big time out from H is definately in order -- you do not want a cakeman I know & I will pray that you have the strength to do what you feel you must do.
You know you have lots of friends here!<p>{{{{ Hugs & prayers to ya! }}}}}
HH

Cali had to come out of hiding to give you Hugzzz....you have been there for me so much. I am so sorry that you have to go through this....but I am struck by how much stronger you sound this time.<p>Yes...life does have to go on...we have to learn and grow...and yes, it is unfortunate that some WSs take so long to 'figure' it out...<p>Cali

Orchid,
I am just so very sorry your H is such a dope.<p>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Orchid}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<p>You are wonderful and don't forget it.

orchid,<p> I am so sorry to hear that your H is been foolish again. I know that you are really hurting right now. I will be on later tonight if you need to talk or you can email me.<p>Indy

Oh, Orchid.<p> [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>You deserve so, so, so much better, dear. He is crazy not to realize what he has in you.<p>Talk to us through this, okay?<p>Hugs,

Orchid, can I call you later??<p>If not, please post to us and let us know how you are doing, k?<p>HbH

Orchid<p>Sorry...<p>Wish I had something better or more insightful to say...<p>You deserve better...<p>E