I gave the dreaded Plan B letter to my WH Thursday and he moved out. He's living in his truck right now because the OW doesn't want him. He is trying to win her back. GAG!<p>My questions is . . . this is much harder than I ever imagined and want to call him and talk to him so bad!! Was it wrong for me to Plan B when I could still be Plan "A"ing? I choose to Plan B bacause this is the third time he's come home and continued contact. I hurt so bad and thought maybe this would give us both some space. Especially since I know the OW doesn't want him and he can't run to her.<p>I'm afraid of "out of site, out of mind"!! I here from other people that he is depressed, but then why is he so stuborn that he won't come home. I guess I can answer that myself - he wants the OW to take him in.<p>How can a man leave his kids and family for someone who doesn't even wan them?<p>How do I stay strong and is Plan B the right thing to be doing?<p>Le

Plan B is for YOU not him, it is not done to teach him a lesson or try to win him back, it is the final step you take to keep the remaining love you have for him while he is "sorting it out".<p>Did you go to plan B out of revenge, or as a consequence of his action, or because YOU could not take any more pain and were soon going to lose all the love you had for him.<p>Revenge/consequence - get out of plan B and go back to Plan A, and don't threaten plan B anymore unless you mean it. Tell your H, explicity WHY you came out of plan B (it was revenge,etc), so that if you ever have to go back to plan B, he will know you are serious and not playing games.<p>For YOU - stick with plan B. Keep busy and try to find activities you enjoy w/o your H. Don't contact him in any way/shape/form. You CAN do this and we are here for you. <p>If you don't know - Stick with plan B until you figure it out.<p>As an FYI, it is my opinion that you should be in plan B for you, your H treats you like crap and I don't see any stop to his pattern in the near future. I just see you keep getting hurt. You need to get yourself away from him so you two can reconcile when he finally figures things out (or so you can move on w/o him). But, that is just my opinion, I cannot read your mind and therefore do not know the real reasons you went to plan B in the first place. Be honest with yourself.<p>HbH

Regardless of why you went to Plan B, STAY THERE! Backing out will establish an expectation that you'll back out again before your conditions are met.<p>Yep, it can be hard, especially when the WS seems to be spiraling down. But they all have to reach a low point before they can recover, IMHO.<p>WAT

HbH,<p>Thanks for your advise!<p>I started plan B because once again, found out there is contact. Like I said this is the third round and he has been lying to me and telling me there hasn't been contact for the last 2 months. He said that he broke things off 2 months ago and they hugged and cried and blah blah blah . . . Now come to find out they spent the entire weekend in bed at a hotel!<p>OW doesn't want him long term or for a husband, but she likes his company and the s*x! He is trying to convince her there could be more for them.<p>So I guess I did this for me because I am tired of being hurt over and over! But I also did this so he could feel what it would be like to not have his family. You see, I was his friend throughout the last 8 months. I was an excellant plan "A"er but it wasn't enough. I listened to his complaints and compliments about the OW when they were together. I continued to be his best friend whom he confided in.<p>So I did it for both reasons, revenge/consequence and me.<p>I want him back, but not until he "wants" to be with me and not her!<p>Thanks again!<p>Le

Then you have your answer. Stick with plan B. Don't falter, as much as you want to talk with him, or call him up - don't!!!<p>Come here instead and vent...<p>HbH

Thanks WAT & HbH,<p>It kills me to see him spiraling downward! I want to reach out to him so bad! But I also know that this is what he needs to maybe finally be truely remorseful and come home! I am so thankful that the OW isn't waiting for him with open arms! I pray every day for her to be strong!<p>Should I ever occationally let him know again that I would like to reconcile, or do I just assume he knows and wait?<p>Thanks,<p>Le

Bumping up for further advice.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>Should I ever occationally let him know again that I would like to reconcile, or do I just assume he knows and wait?</strong><hr></blockquote>

My dear Le,<p>Thanks for your post, I appreciated it. I sit here at work, thinking about many things. Your situation is hard right now but only for a while. Plan B is like medicine, stings then heals. <p>Your H is pursuing an elusive nightmare. His choice not yours but it is hurting you. It is also hurting to watch. Not much you can do about him right now sweetie, please strengthen yourself for the time he does come around to his senses. <p>As you can see, my H is not in the coming around stage anymore, he was for a while and continued contact is leaving him homeless tonight. Not sure if the OW will take him in or not. Can't imagine why not, she wants to take him away for a weekend. Dumb bunny!!! Do you know that cartoon 2 stupid dogs? Well I know of 2 perfect candidates right now. <p>So build up your support system. A bit of rough weather is ahead. If you need to talk, let us know, I can be available. <p>You will survive this and move forward. Plan B is not the end it is a turning point. You will feel a form of relief soon, just hang in there. You probably don't realize the enormous weight you are carrying on your shoulders, plan B will help reduce that stress. <p>Note: As you come down from those higher stress levels, your body may react in different ways. Anxiety attacks may increase for a while, then subside. See your doctor for some assistance if you need to. <p>Take care,
L.

Thanks L,<p>How can you be so strong and have so many words of encouragement when you are going through this yourself?<p>What about my question . . . should I ever let him know again in the future that I still want to reconcile? If so, how long do I wait?<p>Le