I am an old MB poster w/ a new profile. I have intorduced several distressed to MB. I have a friend (really) 15 years of marraige (3 kids), receintly had an affair. Says she never had romantic love with H, married him because she thought he could provide for her. Can't stand to be near him, avoids him, has not slept in the same bed in four years, he does not meet any of her needs including providing for her. I am very familiar with MB, if there was never any romance, is there any hope for this marriage?

Whoa - this is a toughie.
If she hasn't sought counselling, then perhaps she should. I support the MB principles, but some marriages aren't meant to be I guess and sometimes we just have to "suck it up" and admit it.
Having said that, having an affair as a way to exit a marriage isn't the way to do it. She needs to start being totally honest with herself, her husband and her children. It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, which perhaps should end. BUT NOT WITH AN AFFAIR!<p>JMHO. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by dadoftheyear:
<strong>Says she never had romantic love with H, married him because she thought he could provide for her.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>C'mon! How many times have you read about this on this forum? Don't discount the power of revisionist history.<p>That said, not all marriages can be saved. But one thing is certain, NO marriage can be saved if no one tries to save it.<p>WAT<p>"I can accept failure. What I can't accept is not trying." Michael Jordan

Hi. This sounds like typical "affair" / WS talk to me.<p>You mean to tell me it took her 15 years to realize this and now AFTER she is involved with someone else, she has been "enlightened" of her true feelings?<p>That's crap and you know it. It's called revisioninst history and all WS's do it to "justify" their affair and make it seem like the right thing to do.<p>If this was true she would have divorced her H long ago, way before the affair.<p>So, how can you help? Show her MB, ask her to log on, suggest she get into counseling, and above all, she MUST stop all contact with OM so that she can figure this stuff out.<p>She'll never get to the root of the problem and resolve these issues while OM is in the picture.<p>Now, if your friend was to stop all contact, give 100% to her marriage, and STILL feel this way 6 months to 1 year from now... Well, okay, maybe some marriages weren't meant to be and she should move on.<p>But at least she'll have figured out how to avoid this again and she will be a stonger person for it!!<p>I know this is harsh, but almost ALL the WS's say these things - ALL OF THEM!!! Then once they get off their butts, stop contact with their lover, work at the marriage and realize what happened, <light bulb flashing>, suddenly their marriage wasn't as bad as they made it out to be (especially when complaining to good friends like you).<p>That doesn't mean it will work out, but at least the WS is being honest with themselves finally...<p>HbH

I agree with the posters above. It's kind of funny (well, not funny- HA HA) that she didn't seem to express these feelings (or lack of) until after she found a NEW somebody. And NOW she says she's never loved her H....COME ON!<p>Kev

Thanks, all of you for the responses.
Hurt, she states she has been thinking about leaving for years but stays for the kids, has been saying for years, "when the kids get older,I'll leave". <p>Worth, I believe she did not have romantic love, but needed nurturing at the commencemnt of the relationship and he was there. So she says.<p>I'll direct her to the site this PM.