Belldandy,<p>I just read your post on SNL's thread. I do understand to an extent what you are saying. I too think I may have an overdraw that can't be replaced. Mainly because the physical abuse did something mentally I can't seem to get passed.<p>Anyway...I would love to know more about your story. Would you mind giving me a brief summary?<p>Thanks!<p>ANNA

Anna,<p>Certainly. Prior to my H's EMR, H was verbally abusive - very hot tempered man. It started off slowly ... so slowly in fact that I didn't even know what was going on at first. I began to get depressed - H blamed my depression on everything else but the root cause of it. H made me go see psychologists,who all told me the same thing: you are being verbally and emotionally abused. When H found out about it, of course, THAT psychologist was no good, and I had to go to another one.<p>There was physical abuse right before and during his EMR that has since carried over into the marriage. I've had to learn to "kow-tow" to him and bite my tongue whenever he says something scathing. I don't want it to go any further, so it's just easier to agree. It's hard to be friends with someone you fear. And impossible to really love them.<p>My H had deep childhood problems which, I believe, were never resolved. He was the product of an abusive/alcoholic father, and you know what professionals say about how hard it is to break that cycle. H, OTOH, claims that physical abuse is *only* when you hit someone with a fist. Kicking, tripping, grabbing, dragging, poking at eyes, etc., doesn't count. I've tried to get through to him. Now I've given up. I realize that it's not me, and nothing that I've done. The rage is all inside of him. I miss the person I thought he was ... because I thought he was someone I could trust and love. I am a very trusting person, and I believe in people.<p>But if you kick a dog too many times, no matter how loyal the dog, that dog will eventually run away. Or even bite back.<p>I am sorry you're in this pain, too, hon. Abuse is like a betrayal. In fact, the abuse was/is far worse than my H's EMR.<p>belld

Belld,<p>Thanks for responding. I just typed a post to you, but lost it. I now have to go out, so I'll retype it later. <p>Thanks again,<p>ANNA

Belld,<p>Well, when I asked you about yourself, I was more interested in finding out if you also had a major breaking point when you fell out of love with your husband. Now reading your post I am changing my reasons for reposting by giving you a warning. If you are in danger of being hurt, you should get out now. <p>I think there's a point where our minds won't be able to take psychological abuse. This can occur with just one incident and unexpectedly.<p>I believe when the last incident occurred with me, a major breaking point occured. It was an instant snap. I fell out of love instantly. If I looked at him romantically I was repulsed by everything about him. This was something I never really got passed.<p>I think I was lucky, I think a chemical imbalance can occur when a traumatic incident happens that could leave you with emotional trauma forever, this did not happen with me. For some reason a person could go with several incidents with nothing happening mentally, and then one more could do it. This incident did do something mentally, but only left me disgusted with my husband in thinking romantically. Why none of the other incidents did that, I may never know...<p>I have a friend who's sister was brutally raped and left for dead. She was beaten in the head over and over. She survived but only to be diagnosed with Schitzophrenia(sp?). No signs of this disease has ever emerged before the incident. She was successful in her job and moving up the corporate ladder. Now, she is incapable of holding a job, and does things like makes and sends birthday cards to the Prince of Wales for his birthday. This is so sad. <p>We never know what physical abuse will do to us mentally. Whether it's a loved one or a stranger.<p>I hope I am not making matters worse, I just think you shouldn't take a chance with your life. <p>It took me a long time for me to realize I have to let go. I never wanted to be a divorced person, but more than that, I don't want to be dead, physically disabled or emotionally disturbed either.<p>Take care,<p>ANNA

Anna,<p>Thanks for your response ... and for sharing your story. As for me, after I figured out what was happening to me (I suddenly snapped to the realization that is was *not* me, and that H had a very bad problem), that's when my "sanity" kicked back in. And along with the sanity was the very cold truth that the man I thought my H was - who I thought he could become - was never a reality. The man I am married to now is the man I married ... he was just on good behavior.<p>I'm not sure to what extent abuse affects us, and how one person can stand it and remain sane while others crumble (My Dr. put me on antidepressants, and I think that had a lot to do with it). Part of remaining sane throughout this, I think, is looking it right in the eye, acknowledging just what is going - and why - and distancing oneself from it.<p>I do have plans to get out. Right now, my concerns are financial, primarily; I want to make a move when I am fiscally able. It's a long story - my dad is very ill right now, and I do not want him knowing what's been going on. It would kill him. I know my dad, and I know how responsible he feels, and the guilt he would feel if he knew what I'd gone through. I intend to stay until he's gone from this earth. Which looks like it might not be that long from now. <p>Hope this explains some. I'm hanging in there, believe me. There is still a beauty to my life that I cherish - my friends, my pets, my writing, my work, my faith and my church. Those things I will always have. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>belld