yep, I watched Pearl Harbor a few weeks ago.... messed me up pretty bad too.<p>LOL on the window shopping!!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Kevco,<p>Are you being good? My ears were burning and I was trying to go to bed!!!! <p>I see you are being well supported, so I will check back tomorrow. k?<p>Pearl Harbor movie? A bit too close to home for me. Haven't seen it yet. I watched the parent trap remake and cried....again..<p>Need to see a non marriage breakup movie!!!! No romance 'mam, just the scientific facts... LOL!! Maybe Spy Games? Hm.... I like R Redford. Ooops no romantic stuff either... ok, I like drama/mystery. Whatever, I want to see a movie that is not a cartoon!!! ok? <p>Think I will go to bed now and get some sleep. Have to go to work again.. in the morning. <p>Take Care,
L.

Good morning folks - as usual, I'm too late to these things, but I can usually get a jump on other U.S.'ers since I'm an early riser on the east coast.<p>Kev - I may not have posted to you before, but I try to keep up with your story. I haven't had anything to add that wasn't already being said.<p>But now, I just want to offer a gentle reminder. It's one I have to pull out frequently when I get in the dwelling or self-doubt mode:<p>WAT's Rule # 1: You are not dealing with rational people. Your normal thought processes won't work if you try to figure out what they're doing or thinking or why. <p>You should assume, perhaps, that your WS is with the OP whenever she is not with you. Why? Well, because she is not with you. Sure, she may not be with him physically, but for sure he's on her mind much more than you are. Worse yet, perhaps you should assume she is "with" him even when she is with you.<p>Maybe this won't work for you, but it works for me. My logic is that until - if ever - the affairees completely part there is scant probability for reconciliation. So as long as the relationship persists, our WSs are not with us and are elsewhere, controlled by their own self importance and selfishness at the expense of their family's pain and confusion.<p>Think of their behavior as a display of the WS's sense of entitlement to exemption from life's rules. <p>[ December 09, 2001: Message edited by: worthatry ]</p>

Wat,<p>You usually give good advice, but......the first thought on reading this one is "Oh, THAT will HELP!!!!!!!!" [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>You are right though; the WS is NOT rational, nor a thinking human being. Sorry in advance to all the WS's who want to flame me for that comment!<p>kevco, you are strong, and you are resourceful. Use that skill to keep yourself occupied, do some hard work, start a craft or woodwork project, maybe even build a boat.....well Noah did when the end of the world was nigh!!!!!<p>I am trying hard to smell the roses right now. Look at the positives, smile at your child, see the sunshine in every day...........ok, ok I am getting corny!!! [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Be good to yourself kevco, as there is a lot of wasted energy spent on 'wondering' all the time. Think about YOU, and do what is right and good for YOU.<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky<p>[ December 09, 2001: Message edited by: Nina too ]</p>

Jacky - perhaps I wasn't clear.<p>OF COURSE, BSs should find ways to occupy themselves. The point I was trying to make was about a way of coping when you find yourself dwelling. That's all.<p>I do not agree, however, to apologize to unreformed WSs for branding them as irrational, selfish, pond skum - until they can look at themselves in the mirror.<p>WAT

Hi Kevco, Wat and Ninatoo,<p>You are all right but the anticipation is what makes it so hard for the BS to continually sit on the sidelines. The idea here is when that fidgityness (is that a word??) overcomes us, what are we do to? Hm..... some come here, others dwell on other things (kids, projects, hire detectives,etc), see a counselor, vent... whatever it takes to help us get through it until that feeling becomes managable. It is like anxiety attacks. You feel you are not in control but you have to do something. <p>It is a bad feeling to have but to deny it or mask it can create even more pain. Wat's thoughts on how to view the Ws is correct. I have done it and still do at times. My H is not good (not yet by any means). He may be doing better (less angry outbursts) but he still has issues. It is frustrating for me to watch and feel the effects and even for him. H knows he is being stupid, I let him think that (meaning I don't excuse it or downplay it, he says it, hears himself and I ask how can we fix it together). <p>This post may be taking this thought deeper than Kevco meant it to be. So I will stop here. <p>It is true though, our WS' are OPs to other families. What a sad thought. What can the BS do to lessen how bad of an OP are WS' are being? Hm.....<p>L.