Well, I have recently began telling my WH that I love him at the end of every phone call and when he leaves for the day. He does not respond and seems a bit uncomfortable when I say it. In my mind I have decided to say it to him until it is'nt true anymore. But I'm wondering now if this is an LB. BTW, he is planning on moving out in Jan.<p>Needing

Hi there,<p>Most here would say that anything you do which the spouse doesn't like is a LB. It is confusing when you are doing something nice but it is a LB. <p>The LB's are determined by the spouse, not you.<p>Sorry.

needing,
I did the same to my WW, I gave her a kiss on the cheek before I go out to the office or if I see her home. I say I love you or I miss you to close the phone conversation. One of my WW complaint is I do not show affections or love her. I know I do and I know I mean it, she sometime even reply ... yeah, yeah or rolled her eyes when I gave her a kiss. Is it an LB ? ... nope, why ?. She never told me to stop !. Second a lot of WS comes out from the fog and confess that presistent of BS is the one brought them back. Outside they try to discourage you but inside they scream ... "please, please do not stop". Another example, I wrote cards, notes to her about our relation and show affections. She never even take it from my hand !!!, she told me always to put it on the table. I have to collect them and stack them and gathering dust in the corner. One day she slipped since we have a very heated discussion on our relation, she quoted my writing !!!!!. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] . She read it while I am not looking. Last one, I start bringing flowers every Friday since few weeks before D-day. She refused to put it on the vase and even accept the flower from my hand. One time I forget and the flower look crummpy and dying. She throw away the flower and clean the vase and left the empty vase on the table. She noticed !!!!. IMVHO, do it and this is what we say about consistency, presistant and presevere. Some WS like mine, has a gulity feeling inside them, they try to end it quick and try to push you away. Some, like mine, even try to push my hot buttons intentionally to cause me to Dv her. It is hard but if you mean it and H did not tell specificly to stop it, you are cleared.

Hi needing! Hey I do the same thing to my W. Like redhat, she seldom ever responds. I leave her cards, end calls with I love you. Kiss her good bye when I go to work (When she'll let me) sometimes I think it's a big LB but sometimes she responds. And that moment of response is worth the effort. Yeah it's a risk but if they don't say stop keep it up. It's deposits in the Love Bank!

Well, Ok guys, I guess I will keep doing it unless he tells me to stop. Maybe it will sink in.<p>Thanks all for the responses, always, ALWAYS, appreciated.

Hi,<p>I did the same to my H and also wondering whether it is a LB. No response from him as if he has never read all those sms on phone or email.
Thanks to your post, now I will keep doing it until he says Stop.

Hi,<p>On the rare occasion that I have contact with my husband (usually via e-mail) I will tell him I miss him or I love him. His reply is usually, "whatever." I did wonder if this was a LB. Now, I think I will keep saying it. He has never asked me to stop, so I will continue. <p>It is funny, because I also asked him if he wanted met to stop e-mailing him on occasion. He had the perfect opportunity to say, "yes" and I would have stopped. Instead, his reply was that he could not control my actions. Thus, he once again did not tell me to stop.<p>I hope everone had a good weekend.<p>AS

I don't mean to bring the conversation here, but is sex a LB, or is it just a complicating the situation?

Sex as an LB, good question. Unfortunatly I don't have an answer on that one as my FWH does not want to have sex at this point. So I guess for him it is an LB.<p>I suppose it depends on the reaction you get when you initiate and the level of enthusiaism during. If your spouse seems hesititant and kind of not there during, it probably is an LB. <p>I guess the only way to find out is to ask, you know, does making love make you uncomfortable right now.<p>I have figured out that I am going to have to wait for my H to initiate. He knows I want to and am available to him. It's up to him know to decide he's ready.<p>Needing

The first 18 months of the bad times I always told my H I loved him, kissed him on the cheek or lips when he arrived & left.<p>He says now that knowing I loved him made it awkward not to say it back, made it difficult to leave me, but it also gave him hope...because his behavior was so dreadful he didn't feel he deserved that love.<p>Then when I finally gave up on the marriage & stopped saying "I love you" even when he did...he knew I was serious about pursuing the D.<p>Now we say "I love you" several times a day to each other.<p>I also seduced him every chance I got in the first 6 separations. Said a firm no in the last one when I was pursuing the D.<p>If you have sex, use a condom, you know you are having sex with a nonmonogamous person.

I wish my H would let me seduce him. AAGH. Why is it that know I have a stronger desire for him than I have had since we were first together?! <p>He just says that it would'nt be right. Blah.

Hi guys, Is "I love you" and LB? For my W, it depends... I used to tell her all the time and the uncomfortable silence would set in where she was supposed to respond. After a while she'd say "I know" or something like that. She told me that she felt pushed to respond. I told her I was sorry she felt that way but I'd not apologize for my feelings.<p>So she didn't feel pressured, I started telling her in a way that she didn't need to respond. Id kiss her on the forhead and tell her and immediately turn away. No uncomfortable pause no pressure but I didn't stop either. <p>I think redhat is right. They want us to stop and they don't. I know my W has ambushed me and intentionally pushed my buttons trying to push me away. I also know that deep inside she appreciates it. I wrote her a poem a couple of months ago (first in years) and it visibly choked her up. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I know my W saves my letters, she says they mean nothing to her but she keeps them. She also says she doesn't read my journal. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I know that it makes a difference! my W will respond with "I love you too" now and I even got an unsolicited "I love you" a couple of times the last week!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I think it's vital that they know that we do indeed love them. Enough to continue to love them in spite of the traps and roadblocks they set up to discourage us. I think it makes a real difference! <p>Take care

The uncomfortable silence, yeah, I know what that is. My H is on a business trip right now, calls me everyday, and I end each conversation with I love you. <p>The first couple of times I let the silence sit for a minute and he would just say something like, kiss (son) for me, or tell him I love him. <p>So last night after I said it and there was a slight pause, I just said Bye. I love you...bye. He said bye and I think he was a little relieved that I was'nt waiting to hear it back. I know I'm not going to hear it back, so why wait, why make him uncomforatble. That is where I think an LB would come in. But I do, desperatly need him to know that I love him.<p>Needing