DT,
I can't believe I did not notice your post earlier. I have time constraints & am not the speedist typist. I have read a lot about SA & I believe that my WW suffers from this condition. The problem is that I find my self not only in a codependcy state, but co-addict state at times as well.
I would agree that it sounds like your H may suffer from this condition. As you may be quickly learning, this topic will bring a lot of mixed reactions. This classification as an illness is only about 10 years old. The overall acceptance of this as a bonafide Illness is about where the general acceptance of alcholism was in the 30's and 40's -- that is, that people that can't control the acting out (like the drinking, for example) are weak, immoral people with charator flaws -- few people recognise the true force this powerful compulsion for sexaulality has over certain people. Most counselors infact are not really equipped to recognise this as an illness.
I am fortunate in a way in that my WW, D(arling) W stated she thought this might be a reason she acted out, as if she was familar with SA. As time passed and as we learned more, she went into denial. The lucky part is that her initial counselor recommended a book which is really good in describing this & when reading it you will have a good idea if this in fact a condition.
The other lucky part is that when I was posting this summer about her & My situation, there were a couple people that were very outspoken about the fact that my WS --DW had this problem. Without that input, like you, I would have not devoted the time I have into undersatanding this & seeking help for myself.
The Book: "Out of the Shadows" by Patrick Karnes.
Help for myself -- yes, as a codependent, we are sick as well! We need help to overcome our part in this sickness. To focus on us and our recovery! The support group to which I refer is: S-anon -- 12 step program, just like Alonon.<p>There are also a number of web sites for sexual addicition, sexual compulsion, ect. which have different self evalation questionaires -- some better than others.
If you care to email me, I can give you specific addresses and/ or speak further if you like.
This illness does not mean a person is a petafile or rapist - like most things, there are varing degress & various, different aspects.
The one thing to remember is that the person with this condition is a sick person, not a bad person.
Another very important thing to remember is that like drug or alcohol addiction it is not really about the drug of choice (in this case escaping through sex or sexual fantascies &/or obcessions or compulsions of sex) it is very difficult to overcome. It ultimately requires a deep conviction & committment from the afflicted person to overcome this & it has to be something they want to do & something they recognise as an issue -- most of the time they do not want to stop -- it is there way to cope.
Another important point to remember in this regards is: "We did not create the problem, we cannot control it & we can not cure it." The afflicted person has to deal with this.
Eventually you come to realise that you first have to deal with your part in this thing.
my email:bhurrican@yahoo.com
Best of luck,
HH
