I've been thinking about this post for about 2 weeks. I'm an old poster, who may be in recovery?<p>2 kids (5 & 19months), Seperated since march,(2nd time, First wife has friend in April, I find out on May 14th. 16th she admits intamacy. I plan A for 5 months. She Files for D on July 6th. Steve H suggests Plan B. I discover, "Character Disorders" Steve says stick it out. Modify Plan B., I get Laid off on August 2nd, Stop support payments, Suspend w/ steve. Divorce proceeding get very nansty, and expensive. <p>She dumps him in July or August not sure when, begins 2nd relationship in September, ends in Early November. <p>Mid november she has melt down and needs my halp w/ kids, cant handel it, THru Father in Law, I say tough! Finally he negotiates the following, She will call Steve and commit for 4 sessions (Inlaws pay, he he he, suspend D proceedings and fire attorney (real @#*&$ hole)if I sign seperate maintainance agreement. I agree and go over to help.<p>Court ordered payment on Dec 5th or Jail. I comply.<p>Currenly conversations are tenuious at best.<p>I'm very angry and not sure if I want to deal with this/her the agnst. I need to call Steve but can't afford it now. Where should I post, here or in recovery or divorce/divorcing??
I don't want to be this angry but can't seem to help it, I have tremendous resentment as well.

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<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by dadoftheyear:
<strong>I've been thinking about this post for about 2 weeks. I'm an old poster, who may be in recovery?<p>2 kids (5 & 19months), Seperated since march,(2nd time, First wife has friend in April, I find out on May 14th. 16th she admits intamacy. I plan A for 5 months. She Files for D on July 6th. Steve H suggests Plan B. I discover, "Character Disorders" Steve says stick it out. Modify Plan B., I get Laid off on August 2nd, Stop support payments, Suspend w/ steve. Divorce proceeding get very nansty, and expensive. <p>She dumps him in July or August not sure when, begins 2nd relationship in September, ends in Early November. <p>Mid november she has melt down and needs my halp w/ kids, cant handel it, THru Father in Law, I say tough! Finally he negotiates the following, She will call Steve and commit for 4 sessions (Inlaws pay, he he he, suspend D proceedings and fire attorney (real @#*&$ hole)if I sign seperate maintainance agreement. I agree and go over to help.<p>Court ordered payment on Dec 5th or Jail. I comply.<p>Currenly conversations are tenuious at best.<p>I'm very angry and not sure if I want to deal with this/her the agnst. I need to call Steve but can't afford it now. Where should I post, here or in recovery or divorce/divorcing??
I don't want to be this angry but can't seem to help it, I have tremendous resentment as well.</strong><hr></blockquote>

DoY,<p>I think here is where you belong. Do you REALLY feel that you're in recovery? I wouldn't expect so just now....maybe in time.<p>Hopefully, she's reached that rock bottom place, and is ready to reach out for help and support from the man from whom she should have been getting it all along. I pray that's the case.<p>I don't have much in the way of sage advice, but maybe I can refer you to someone who could. I'm in the process of reading Divorce Busting by Michele Weiner-Davis. It seems to have some sound advice and some potent motivations for trying to save a marriage, especially if you have children, which you do.<p>Maybe give it a read. There are quite a few difficult questions being posted out there the last couple of days. Maybe that's why answers are slow to come.....keep bumping yourself until you find something useful here.<p>God bless,
Kev

KEV,<p>THANKS, READ IT BEFOR I FOUND MB, MET WITH ONE OF HER COUNSELORS, CHOSE MB, ALHTOUGH HER BOOK HAS SOME GOOD STUFF IN IN IT. SPOUSE CURRENTLY HAS IT WITH , LBING, HIS/HER, AND SURVIVE. <p>HONESTLY I NEED HELP WITH THE ANGER. WHEN I THINK OF HER, MY MOST FREQUENT THOUGHT IS, WHAT A STUPID *****. I NEVER HIT A WOMAN, NEVER WILL. I THINK , ALL I WANT TO DO I PUNCH HER IN THE FACE.
AGGGGGGGGH!! SORRY LADIES.
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by kevco-:
<strong>DoY,<p>I think here is where you belong. Do you REALLY feel that you're in recovery? I wouldn't expect so just now....maybe in time.<p>Hopefully, she's reached that rock bottom place, and is ready to reach out for help and support from the man from whom she should have been getting it all along. I pray that's the case.<p>I don't have much in the way of sage advice, but maybe I can refer you to someone who could. I'm in the process of reading Divorce Busting by Michele Weiner-Davis. It seems to have some sound advice and some potent motivations for trying to save a marriage, especially if you have children, which you do.<p>Maybe give it a read. There are quite a few difficult questions being posted out there the last couple of days. Maybe that's why answers are slow to come.....keep bumping yourself until you find something useful here.<p>God bless,
Kev</strong><hr></blockquote><p> [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]

Dad:<p>I know how you feel with all the anger. It's just too damn hard to keep it in.<p>Sounds like the InLaws are getting involved? Is that a good thing?<p>Are you living together? Where are the kids?<p>Keep talking...sometimes you can vent a little steam here!<p>L

DoY<p>I understand your feelings. I think we all get that way from time to time. The only thing I can really suggest is counceling. Discuss your anger issues and the best way to deal with them. It needs to be brought under control for the sake of your children. You will always have to have some form of contact due to them, so you need to learn how to controll the anger.<p>If it makes you feel any better I did hit my WH when I found out. Not in the face, but he said I packed a pretty good punch. The only thing that made me stop was when he told me he did not want to hit a woman, then I realised what I was doing and stopped. <p>Take care of yourself, see a councellor and look into anti-depressants.<p>Needing

LOUSER,<p>THANKS,
FATHER IN LAW IS A GOOD THING, MOTHER IN LAW AND HER HUBBY ARE ON THE SIDE LINE BUT ARE BIG ENABLERS, NOT GOOD. <p>NOT LIVING TOGETHER SINCE 3/01 KIDS ARE WITH HER, I GET 10-12 DAYS PER MONTH. <p>AND THANKS I FEEL BETTER ALREADY.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by louser:
<strong>Dad:<p>I know how you feel with all the anger. It's just too damn hard to keep it in.<p>Sounds like the InLaws are getting involved? Is that a good thing?<p>Are you living together? Where are the kids?<p>Keep talking...sometimes you can vent a little steam here!<p>L</strong><hr></blockquote>

Dad:<p>I just want to say that it's really cool that you guys are here posting.<p>I tried to get my H to read & maybe post here. No way! What a wimp.<p>Real men really care!!!
[img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Louser;<p>God bless you, waht are you " scared to death of?" if you don't mind talking about it?<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by louser:
<strong>Dad:<p>I just want to say that it's really cool that you guys are here posting.<p>I tried to get my H to read & maybe post here. No way! What a wimp.<p>Real men really care!!!
[img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] </strong><hr></blockquote>