<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Myownme:
<strong>He actually told me when I called him and busted him that "this (my checking up on him) was one of the things he couldn't STAND about me!" Nothing like making it ALL about me.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>BOY OH BOY ... he must have had his trusty WS "What do I say when BUSTED!" handbook on him. <p>It shouldn't, but it still does amaze me how they all follow the same flippin script.<p>Now, you do know that this is a bunch of Horse Dukey, right MOM????<p>It's called projection ... Example: I wouldn't do THIS if it wasn't for you and your horrible snooping. Actually, it's more like disrespectful blame and absurd justification. <p>You're gonna be fine, MOM. We're here for you.<p>Jo

Hi Mom,<p>I don't know if I've posted to you before or not...but I've definitely been following your situation.<p>For yourself and for your kids - kick him out.
You DON'T DESERVE to be treated like this. Your kids don't deserve a lesson in how to be a betrayer/how to capitulate to a betrayer. <p>
"He actually told me when I called him and busted him that "this (my checking up on him) was one of the things he couldn't STAND about me!" <p>.....If it were me...there'd be a whole list of NEW things he coulnd't stand about me....<p>These guys WILL take their cake and eat it too - IF YOU LET THEM. Make a stand. If it means your marriage is over - then he probably is less than you deserve anyways. If it means he comes back to you - make sure he understands the game will now be played with new rules - YOUR rules.<p>LLL<p>...it's about self-preservation people....

I am really sorry MOM. What an idiot. But they all are when in the FOG aren't they.<p>I would say stay with and enforce your boundaries. If he was supposed to be having no contact--then he blew it.<p>It is time to do something for you to get out of this hurtful cycle. It is too bad it is so close to Christmas. But maybe, that will tell him you mean business.<p>I don't understand the friends part either. I don't want to be friends with my H. Who would want a friend like that?<p>Take care of yourself, Hun...you and your family will be in my prayers.

Hi all, back from counseling. Thanks for all the support and advice. Unfortunately, the legal system is pretty backed up here, so my attorney said it would be end of January before I could legally get him out. He has agreed to leave right after Christmas.<p>When talking to the counselor tonight, the counselor said the decision to do Christmas with the in-laws was up to me. I should not ask the kids what they want, as they would be going regardless. After him asking me some questions about what I would be feeling if I DIDN'T go, I have decided to go for ME. Not for H, not for the kids, but for me. See, I don't have family here, and the only people I see are my first H's parents, and my current H's parents at Christmas. That means, if my H goes with the kids to his mom's Christmas day, I'm left home alone. The counselor suggested that maybe I needed this last holiday as much as my H did.<p>I admit my extreme anger and pain was helping me make the decision to "cancel" Christmas this year.<p>However, even though I can't make him leave, He IS going to be sleeping on the couch and using the downstairs bathroom from now on. <p>He did say he would agree to leave right after Christmas, so that 2 weeks I have to get through. Hey, I've been through much worse, right?<p>My H kept saying that we would be separated and on our own, without outside influences for 4 months, then decide whether to follow through on the divorce. When I asked him why he kept saying this, he said "because maybe I was hoping things would eventually work out." I think he wanted time to pass once we separated, so he wouldn't look like a heel for being with OW again.<p>However, when I ask him why he won't go live with her, he says "I don't WANT to live with her?"<p>Oh well, eventually, soon I hope, I will be able to put this behind me.<p>Thanks again,<p>MOM

Hey MoM,<p>Good advice from your C, I think. You sound calm. Are you really okay?<p>Hugs,<p>[ December 11, 2001: Message edited by: OneDay ]</p>

Not doing too well. Last night being there with him was tough. He tried to talk to me both last night and this a.m. (just b-s, nothing major, just chit-chatting). It was really hard. I don't want to be mean, but I don't feel like being his friend either. He slept on the couch. I told him he could use our bathroom, but after I was completely finished. Then I left for an earlier bus without saying good bye. Is that a good Plan B? I also found out that 2 of my 3 children already know he's back with OW. My son heard his father talking really low on Sunday morning from the laundry room (it's RIGHT next to my son's room). He told me he thought he heard his dad say "oh, I gotta go, Love you, bye." Well, I asked my son not to say anything to his sisters, but one of them kept bugging him and asking what was wrong, so he told her. I know I didn't do it, but I feel like shi* that they know what he's doing. It's GOT to hurt them. My son saw me crying and he said "MOM, STOP CRYING OVER HIM, HE'S BEING A COMPLETE A**HOLE TO YOU! I DON'T EVEN SEE HOW YOU CAN CRY OVER HIM ANYMORE!" <p>Man, this is the toughest thing I've ever gone through. Even my first H's suicide pales in comparison to this. <p>Love you guys.....Keep praying for me and my kids please.<p>MOM